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Old 03-28-2012, 06:57 PM
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 1,637,199 times
Reputation: 3538


Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
Hmm, I have dated my current BF for three months, and knew him for six months before that, and don't feel "exclusive"...different strokes for different folks.

I don't date anyone else, nor do I want to. But the whole issue seems controlling to me. Good thing he never asked.

I dont understand though. You say you knew him for 6 months, and on top of that, you now have been dating for 3 months.

But, the thing that sticks out to me is..you refer to him as your BF. Boyfriend, correct? Im a bit stumped as to how you call him your boyfriend, but you dont feel exclusive?? No way im going to consider someone my 'boyfriend' yet I dont feel like we are exclusive. Whats the point of calling him a 'boyfriend'? Just say you guys are just casually dating then. You say you are not dating anyone else..but is he?? See..I dont like that kind of feeling. You are spending time, and perhaps getting emotional and what not with someone who you cant even feel exclusive with. And if you are having sex..even worse. That would kind of suck to me.

I mean that's fine if you are casually dating. But its the fact you refer to him as a boyfriend that is weird. No disrespect, its just boyfriend kinda usually equals exclusive in my world. Anything else is just dating.

Old 03-28-2012, 07:07 PM
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 1,637,199 times
Reputation: 3538
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
I have seen people be "exclusive" for years and break up. That was wasted time neither of them could get back. I say after dating for about a year max people should have some idea where they want to go.
If a woman is interested she is not going anywhere. Women know way before men do.

Thats just life. What is the alternative..arranged marriages? No thanks. You have relationships, you break up..you move on. I have learned from each of them. However, i dont feel a certain time frame will just be THE magic number. Like, at a year you HAVE to decide what ya wanna do.

However..that being said..I absolutely do understand where you are coming from. I have seen people date for long periods of time and break up..yes. See..im torn because on the one hand, I agree with you..but on the other hand, I also feel you cant just say okay..a year has gone by! Ding ding ding! Time's up! You have to make up your mind....are we getting married or not?! (if marriage is what you mean by knowing where something is 'going'). But..on the OTHER hand..i dont want to wait 5 years either. LOL Both folks just hopefully need to be on same page.
Old 03-29-2012, 02:59 AM
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,437 posts, read 5,233,686 times
Reputation: 3382
Dude, this whole "exclusivity" thing makes you sound like a pansy, no offense. I will say this once again, you should not be the one asking a woman to be exclusive, she should be the one asking you and when she does, if she does, NEVER give her a straight answer, just be evasive.

Go with the flow, have sex with this woman, and eventually she will ask you, like women ALWAYS do, "So, what do you think about us?", the best possible answer would be "I am not sure", even if you are really interested in her.

It sounds like you still need to work on your game but like I said, the best way to keep a woman interested is by NOT showing your cards or leaving things up in the air, the best way to turn off a woman is starting this lame "exclusivity" talk, it makes you sound like a desperate pansy that has no game.

Can you picture someone like Snoop Dogg going up to a woman and being like " So, what do you think about us being exclusive?" Come on, man!
Old 03-29-2012, 06:20 AM
2,015 posts, read 2,930,866 times
Reputation: 2151
Gosh, that's a terrible advice

Honestly, if someone comes up to me with a Snoop Dogg swagger acting all nonchalant about us AFTER WE HAVE HAD SEX, that's going to be the last time they see me.
Old 03-29-2012, 06:24 AM
23,595 posts, read 30,262,958 times
Reputation: 27935
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I believe as adults, we're experienced enough to know how the other person feels. You can tell by conversations, things they say or do, the quality of time that is spent together, etc. My husband never officially asked to be "steady". He just assumed we were (I guess I did too lol) because we felt the same way about each other and it was understood.
OMG are you kidding? Have you read ANY of the threads on this forum?????
Old 03-29-2012, 06:29 AM
23,595 posts, read 30,262,958 times
Reputation: 27935
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
John, the guy I'm dating asked to be exclusive on our 2nd date two weeks ago and we haven't even had sex yet. If your is girl as interested as you think she is, she will be quite happy you asked. No one likes sharing the person they are interested in.
This was EXACTLY my experience as well. Once we realized that we had hit it off like firecrackers, my BF said something to the effect of "Now, you're gonna have to put all those other guys on hold for a while, okay"? And of course, I did.
Old 03-29-2012, 07:11 AM
Location: USA
1,799 posts, read 2,071,843 times
Reputation: 4024
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
This was EXACTLY my experience as well. Once we realized that we had hit it off like firecrackers, my BF said something to the effect of "Now, you're gonna have to put all those other guys on hold for a while, okay"? And of course, I did.

That's a great way of putting it! to your BF. I like that.
Old 03-29-2012, 07:18 AM
10,139 posts, read 21,864,167 times
Reputation: 8204
If a girl needs to be told, she shouldn't be told.
Old 03-29-2012, 08:06 AM
395 posts, read 588,712 times
Reputation: 343
Originally Posted by Johnny Ace View Post
I've been on four dates with a woman, the most recent being at my place where I cooked her dinner and we made out. She stayed far longer than planned, nestled in my arms, and it was wonderful. She's now having me come to her place tomorrow (my suggestion, actually) and I could see sex being somewhat likely. I met her online and I honestly don't care to be using the dating site now that I met her, but she still appears to be on it sometimes (she once acknowledged this as simply being out of boredom, as she lives alone).

If things go well and we do have sex, I want to feel secure that we'll be in an exclusive relationship. Based on her chemistry answers and personality, I can't see her sleeping around with multiple guys, but I also can't help but be a little concerned about the issue, mainly out of my own insecurity. We click really well and I think she's pretty special. Is it too much to ask her about exclusivity at this stage, if things go really well tomorrow?
Enjoy the moment and let the odds play themselves out. Having sex with her does not mean that she'll be exclusive to you (depends on the woman).

You're in the honeymoon phase...talk about exclusive stuff when you come back down to mother earth.
Old 03-29-2012, 10:13 AM
103 posts, read 231,220 times
Reputation: 70
We never quite talked about exclusivity last night at her place. Conversation was really nice and around the time of making out she humorously talked about a dreadful date she had with a different guy two weeks ago, which was the only other guy she's dating since starting online dating. I mentioned also going on a terrible date a few weeks ago with a different girl and how it only made her look even better (all true) which got a nice laugh out of her. I said that I'm not really using my dating profile at this point and that I'd rather just focus on one person, noting that "this is really nice." She said that she rarely checks hers to see what weird messages she receives. It was getting late when we made out and I sort of jokingly hinted at going further but acknowledged that she needed to get to bed. She's totally open to doing something again next week and agreed that we might as well go to her place most of the time since I have housemates.

For now I think I'll just go with the flow.
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