Are we crazy for agreeing to this or being mature? (dates, married)
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This is why people should not live together. If you are not planning on making a life with a person, don't live with him/her. Difficult, yes...in the long run...better for everyone.
I think that as it gets closer to him leaving, one of you will cave...and you will do the marriage thing, then change back...the handwriting is already on the wall for this one.
Or they could just be smart about it and have a savings account.
This is why you should have first month, last month and a deposit in your savings BEFORE living together so its not a strain to find a place. You should also not put your name on a lease as a tenant with that person. Its best to have one of you listed as occupant and be able to afford that unit on your own pay.
This advice goes out to the married ones too.
News you can USE.
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OP acting like boyfriend and girlfriend when you are already broken up is not mature. If its over, it over and should be treated as such. Being civil to each other while you get sorted is mature. You should be spending your time looking for a new place (or he should) rather than play faux couple-dom. That is not emotionally healthy.
Or they could just be smart about it and have a savings account.
This is why you should have first month, last month and a deposit in your savings BEFORE living together so its not a strain to find a place. You should also not put your name on a lease as a tenant with that person. Its best to have one of you listed as occupant and be able to afford that unit on your own pay.
This advice goes out to the married ones too.
News you can USE.
__________________________________________
OP acting like boyfriend and girlfriend when you are already broken up is not mature. If its over, it over and should be treated as such. Being civil to each other while you get sorted is mature. You should be spending your time looking for a new place (or he should) rather than play faux couple-dom. That is not emotionally healthy.
There's no lease (we're month to month and he knew the landlord) however the deposit was my money.
I have enough savings to leave right now, but I am hoping to move out of state, so that process takes a little longer than say moving to the next neighborhood.
And technically I can afford the rent in the apt, but I'm not willing to shell out so much for rent. (Nearly half my paycheck).
As for caving in, definitely not happening. We've both come to terms to what this entails. His parents even tried fixing him up already which I found to be an insult thus he told them to back off until we're not sharing space anymore.
Also the reason I asked if we were crazy was because his family and friends think we're crazy. I said why should they care about how we handle our relationship.
So finally after 7 months together, my BF and I realize we won't be going forward. It all boils down to 1 single disagreement. He really wants kids and I don't. It's a dealbreaker for him. But it's better we know now as he was planning to propose in August.
We moved too fast in the beginning when we moved in together after a few months. However over time of talking about everything, keeping open, honest, no holds barred communication, we realize we are on the same page. It hurts a lot because we really do love and care a great deal about each other.
He can move back with his parents at any given time. However I don't have the luxury of going someplace else. And neither one of us can afford this apartment on our own. We both agreed we wouldn't want to live here with a roommate because of the memories we have here.
So we came to the conclusion that we would stay living together until I find a place to move. He also said he was in no rush at all to move back home, so it also works in his favor. I imagine it will be by May to find a place, however he tells me better to take my time to find the right place instead of rushing to get out just for the sake of. I know we're still acting like GF and BF even though we know it's over because we are just trying to make the best of a bad situation. There's no hard feelings between us, we know it is what it is.
Are we crazy? Or are we being mature about a bad situation?
Now hold on a second- you're 38 and I'm assuming he's around the same age AND HE'S MOVING BACK HOME WITH HIS PARENTS??-hell- he's no more ready to have a baby than you are-probably less so-some deal breaker.......you dodged a bullet-geez
Now hold on a second- you're 38 and I'm assuming he's around the same age AND HE'S MOVING BACK HOME WITH HIS PARENTS??-hell- he's no more ready to have a baby than you are-probably less so-some deal breaker.......you dodged a bullet-geez
He's 31, I'm 37. He makes half of what I make so even paying half the rent and bills here was rough for him with his own bills. I haven't lived at home in years but he's only been on his own once before for a year. Mainly because it's next to impossible to find anything for under $1k rent here.
I wouldn't let you get away for something silly like that. That could change later down the road. Think it through carefully. Don't blow the popsicle stand yet.
It's thinking like this that leads to divorce later.
She doesn't want children.
Counting on that to change is just stupid.
Your reasons for breaking up are fair, I've lost a good woman in the past because I didn't want kids, I'm sure many others will too.
Look at all the threads on here, it's almost an unresolvable issue purely because there's no compromise.
However, if you guys are 100% split up, with 0% chance of reconciliation, then staying together won't work.
Sure, it will for a while, but just wait till one starts doing something the other doesn't like. Especially if they start dating someone else.
You guys will wind up hating each other faster than you can even say "resentment".
If you both want to remain friends, then it should be a clean break, it is your only hope to do so, rather than growing further and further apart.
I know, I've been there.
Sure, it might work, but the odds are stacked against you.
I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to have children at 38 to 40 and the chances are also greatly decreased which could have been yet another issue if you had given in to the idea. I am guessing this question came up early since he is younger and you probably wondered if he wanted kids. The sooner you are living separately, the better since with time and no chance of the future, those little things you tolerated in one another will start to seem much bigger. Finances are something that keeps many a married couple together and it seems you two are in the same boat. It just would not surprise me though if he feels that you will "come around" on the baby issue and maybe if the parents like you, they think that his looking for someone else might make you reconsider your stand. Don't reconsider your stand just to be with him as a child should not be a tool of a negotiation. I don't think you would that from what you have said.
It sounds pretty smart but you should definitely not take too long to move out. Sooner or later someones gonna bring another lover home and that won't be fun to see. .
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