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Old 03-29-2012, 01:51 AM
 
545 posts, read 1,552,942 times
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You'd probably be surprised at the obviousness of the title if it weren't presented in the relationship forum. Yet, why shouldn't discriminating someone based on their race be classified as racism for dating?

The usual response is that having a relationship with someone requires innate attraction—attraction that may not form with members of a particular race. Therefore, people either consider that not racism or find it “justified”. But, I believe that's a ridiculous argument because the very act of not being able to find someone attractive just because of their race is defined as racism.

Another common response is that "people have their own preferences"... Well duh! That's exactly what racism is about. The fact that Whites didn't want to go to the same restaurants as Blacks due to their "preferences" didn't make their actions any less racist. Of course, now we all accept that as immoral and racist.

If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism.

However, I'm not suggesting that we should date unattractive (even if that's just due to their race) people because it's perfectly legal to be racist during dating, and also attraction is quite essential for a relationship. My point is that we should all be honest and just admit that we're racist rather than trying to rationalize our behaviour in order to ignore the blatant racism.

I'll admit I'm a bit racist (I won't date one or two races) when it comes to dating. But, the first step to solving a problem is to admit its existence.

 
Old 03-29-2012, 03:01 AM
 
566 posts, read 955,655 times
Reputation: 545
I agree, however, many people just don't "get it" in regards to this topic. Many feel a preference is just a preference, but fail to realize that preferences (in terms of potential dating partners) often have a very sizeable racial component that many people refuse to acknowledge.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 03:21 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,993 posts, read 8,899,803 times
Reputation: 8105
Nobody biting ?
I give this thread 3 pages.........

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
You'd probably be surprised at the obviousness of the title if it weren't presented in the relationship forum. Yet, why shouldn't discriminating someone based on their race be classified as racism for dating?
Let's have a look, shall we.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
The usual response is that having a relationship with someone requires innate attraction—attraction that may not form with members of a particular race. Therefore, people either consider that not racism or find it “justified”. But, I believe that's a ridiculous argument because the very act of not being able to find someone attractive just because of their race is defined as racism.
Possibly not wrong, however, although I never thought I had one, I most definitely do have "a type".
I like tall, thin women, and I'm not a fan of big breasts.

Although I'm using a little artistic licence purely for illustration purposes, admittedly, not many races fit that bill.
Some are generally too short, some too round.
However, if I met someone who satisfied "my type", it wouldn't matter to me what colour they were, I'd make a move. (and have)

To say that I wouldn't date a black because they're black is racist.
To say that I've never seen a black who ticks all my boxes is a preference.
I have still dated outside my race with people who didn't fit "my type", but who had great personlities.

If I'd presumed that because they were another race they wouldn't have had great personalities, then I'd be racist.

Being racist may offend someone, but having a preference shouldn't.
Are you offended by your vegeterian friends because they prefer not to eat meat ?
Are you offended by people who support a different sports team ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
Another common response is that "people have their own preferences"... Well duh! That's exactly what racism is about. The fact that Whites didn't want to go to the same restaurants as Blacks due to their "preferences" didn't make their actions any less racist. Of course, now we all accept that as immoral and racist.
See my above point. The example you quote here is not valid as a comparison.
They would not let them use the same restaurants because they thought the blacks were lesser people based on nothing more than the colour of their skin.

That is racism.
If I choose not to go to an Indian restaurant because I don't like the food, that is a preference.
If I choose not to go to an Indian restaurant because I think all Indians are (whatever), then that's racist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism.
Again, not a valid comparison.
This is outright racism, not a preference, and has nothing to do with dating.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
However, I'm not suggesting that we should date unattractive (even if that's just due to their race) people because it's perfectly legal to be racist during dating, and also attraction is quite essential for a relationship.
Someone's race does not make them unattractive. Their features may.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I'll admit I'm a bit racist (I won't date one or two races) when it comes to dating.
Yes, you are, aren't you.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 03:24 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,818,026 times
Reputation: 11862
Wanting to date someone does require attraction, and most of us do have preferences BUT...

to what extent are these preferences culturally controlled?

A black man who refuses to date black women. Would you say he's got a problem with his own race?

It's not a NATURAL thing. It's not natural for a black man to not be interested in black women at ALL, unless he's gay, only when he is put in an environment where there are white women, which he's told (not explicitly but the message is there) are better, than he won't want to 'settle' for a black women. That kind of is racist.

Not to say that only dating within your race is better...races are made up constructs. So I think it's a grey area and depends just why you don't find a particular race attraction. A lot of 'preferences' are programmed into us from a very young age, and they do change with time. It's also to do with open-mindedness.

I used to not find very dark skinned women that sexy: but now I think that is changing. But I'm more open-minded than many. But do I still have inbuilt prejudices resulting from how I was brought up? Definitely!

We shouldn't be casually throwing the term racist around or pressuring people to date inter-racially to prove they are not racist, but people just also begin to focus more on meeting people as people, and cast away any of the less substantial objections to dating outside their group.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 03:30 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,418,651 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
You'd probably be surprised at the obviousness of the title if it weren't presented in the relationship forum. Yet, why shouldn't discriminating someone based on their race be classified as racism for dating?

The usual response is that having a relationship with someone requires innate attraction—attraction that may not form with members of a particular race. Therefore, people either consider that not racism or find it “justified”. But, I believe that's a ridiculous argument because the very act of not being able to find someone attractive just because of their race is defined as racism.

Another common response is that "people have their own preferences"... Well duh! That's exactly what racism is about. The fact that Whites didn't want to go to the same restaurants as Blacks due to their "preferences" didn't make their actions any less racist. Of course, now we all accept that as immoral and racist.

If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism.

However, I'm not suggesting that we should date unattractive (even if that's just due to their race) people because it's perfectly legal to be racist during dating, and also attraction is quite essential for a relationship. My point is that we should all be honest and just admit that we're racist rather than trying to rationalize our behaviour in order to ignore the blatant racism.

I'll admit I'm a bit racist (I won't date one or two races) when it comes to dating. But, the first step to solving a problem is to admit its existence.
Now lack of physical attraction equals racism??? I don't think so. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. It's not something we're taught. In fact, evolution may be at work here. I've read that women are attracted to men who bear familial resemblance because men are more likely to stay and care for children who look like them. If you want to know why we're attracted to people like us, just watch Maury. How many shows has he done where a black man claims the child of a white woman can't be his because the baby isn't black enough? I can tell you that my husband favors the child who looks like him. She gets away with murder while her sister, who is a mixture of several people in my family, gets stomped on the moment she steps out of line.

I don't have time to do research at the moment, but I believe that parents favoring children who look like them is common. So it makes sense that I'd want the best shot at my children looking like their father. That's not going to happen if I date too far outside of my race. We aren't just attracted to people of our race, we're attracted to people who look like they fit in our families. There is an evolutionary advantage to being able to bear children who look like their father so it makes, perfect, sense that women are attracted to men who would fit in their families. I'm not sure about men. There is no evolutionary advantage in producing children who look like the mother because there is no doubt who the mother is.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 03-29-2012 at 03:39 AM..
 
Old 03-29-2012, 04:33 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,818,026 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Now lack of physical attraction equals racism??? I don't think so. We are attracted to who we are attracted to. It's not something we're taught. In fact, evolution may be at work here. I've read that women are attracted to men who bear familial resemblance because men are more likely to stay and care for children who look like them. If you want to know why we're attracted to people like us, just watch Maury. How many shows has he done where a black man claims the child of a white woman can't be his because the baby isn't black enough? I can tell you that my husband favors the child who looks like him. She gets away with murder while her sister, who is a mixture of several people in my family, gets stomped on the moment she steps out of line.

I don't have time to do research at the moment, but I believe that parents favoring children who look like them is common. So it makes sense that I'd want the best shot at my children looking like their father. That's not going to happen if I date too far outside of my race. We aren't just attracted to people of our race, we're attracted to people who look like they fit in our families. There is an evolutionary advantage to being able to bear children who look like their father so it makes, perfect, sense that women are attracted to men who would fit in their families. I'm not sure about men. There is no evolutionary advantage in producing children who look like the mother because there is no doubt who the mother is.
I think that's bs. I don't think anyone who has a 'mixed race' child loves him or her any less than if he was a 'pure race.'

The reason why black man say that is cos they don't wanna pay child support .
 
Old 03-29-2012, 04:39 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,940 posts, read 21,579,966 times
Reputation: 8681
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
... If you're going into a job interview and at the end, the interviewer says “Sorry, I can't just hire you because I don't work well with Whites (or add your own race)”, would you not sue him for racism? In this case, not being able to function with Whites is no defense for racism...
Yet refusing to hire a person because you have to fill a quota of a different race isn't considered racist - it's considered "affirmative action" ... it's all in one's perspective.

Thank you, Malkiel, for this topic - I'm now adding Racism to Politics, Sex and Religion: topics I won't be speaking about in public.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Heart of Dixie
1,298 posts, read 2,232,690 times
Reputation: 1604
I call BS on this mess. I'm a white female and would NEVER consider dating outside my race. I'm NOT racist. I don't treat others bad who do date outside their race.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 06:00 AM
 
Location: Kansas
25,669 posts, read 21,825,826 times
Reputation: 26269
I just really don't get this. Racism because you are not choosing to date outside your race? Seriously, are there that many angry people out there that feel they are a victim of prejudice because someone of another race is not asking them out? Is this denying them any rights or freedoms? Sorry, I just don't get it. And for the person mentioning about the difference between not eating at an Indian restaurant because you don't like the food and showing racism toward the Indian people, there would be people who felt you would not eat there because of who owned the place, racism. Silly.
 
Old 03-29-2012, 06:07 AM
 
10,156 posts, read 11,116,359 times
Reputation: 20876
I'm just tired of hearing the word Racist/Racism...

We choose who we want to date, or marry - through preferences/attraction...

Last edited by Torn2pieces; 03-29-2012 at 06:43 AM..
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