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Old 03-29-2012, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Devon, England
252 posts, read 25,777 times
Reputation: 115
Default Not "allowed" to see your opposite sex freinds?

I've been looking on the Relationship forums for a while and i keep seeing this.
People that aren't allowed to see or get grief for seeing their opposite sex freinds from their new partners.

Why? If your in a relationship shouldn't it be based on trust? If you don't trust them to see their freinds don't have a relationship with them.

If your in a relationship and your partner doesn't want you to see your freinds then they don't trust you so end it.

It's a relationship, you haven't suddenly become 7yrs old and need to let your Mum choose your freinds.

What are your thoughts and why do people put up with it?
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: US
5,148 posts, read 5,077,601 times
Reputation: 5127
Pfft....

I trust that my s.o. knows better than to go hang out with random chicks who can't be trusted.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:27 PM
 
1,070 posts, read 776,391 times
Reputation: 435
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don't Panic! View Post
I've been looking on the Relationship forums for a while and i keep seeing this.
People that aren't allowed to see or get grief for seeing their opposite sex freinds from their new partners.

Why? If your in a relationship shouldn't it be based on trust? If you don't trust them to see their freinds don't have a relationship with them.

If your in a relationship and your partner doesn't want you to see your freinds then they don't trust you so end it.

It's a relationship, you haven't suddenly become 7yrs old and need to let your Mum choose your freinds.

What are your thoughts and why do people put up with it?
I don't have any lady friends, so they don't have to worry about it.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:55 PM
 
Location: NY
6,023 posts, read 4,799,441 times
Reputation: 6433
There is a fine line here...

Opposite sex "friends" always has the potential to turn into something more given the right conditions.

Therefore, when in a committed relationship or married, anyone with opposite sex friends should be smart about when, where, and how long you hang out with your friends. At least IMO. Doesn't mean you cannot have them, but some environments or situations would be inappropriate.

Sure, relationships are based on trust. You should trust your spouse/significant other. However, that does not mean you must blindly trust them either. If your SO is always wanting to go hang out with an opposite sex "friend" it could damage that trust, whether or not something is going on.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Mile High City
10,263 posts, read 10,732,538 times
Reputation: 8855
Whoever told me that would be told to go pound sand
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Devon, England
252 posts, read 25,777 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by himain View Post
Whoever told me that would be told to go pound sand
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:40 PM
 
Location: VA -> CO -> VA again
5,044 posts, read 3,042,927 times
Reputation: 8885
I'm sorry, but things are different when you're married or in a serious relationship. Things you did when you were single may no longer be appropriate and that's just the way it is. I don't have an issue if my SO has female friends, but I wouldn't want them hanging out alone all the time and she had better make an effort to get to know me too. I also see a difference between a friend someone has known for a really long and before I came into the picture and someone he suddenly became good friends with at work and wants to hang out with all the time now.

I wouldn't tell my SO he wasn't allowed to do something. I'm not his mom. But if he cares about me, then he should absolutely within reason make sure that I feel comfortable with his female friendships.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,323,693 times
Reputation: 2081
If I can safely introduce the male friend to my partner, then I feel I should be able to spend time with him apart from my relationship
If I cannot, what does that say?? Basically, there would be some reason I would not feel safe with the two meeting. Hmmm...why might that be?

It's in the intent of the "friendship."
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Devon, England
252 posts, read 25,777 times
Reputation: 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
But if he cares about me, then he should absolutely within reason make sure that I feel comfortable with his female friendships.
And naturally you would do the same so he would feel comfortable with your male freinds? Then all is good.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Colorado
2,513 posts, read 1,650,180 times
Reputation: 2766
I hang out with women from work but it is usually in a group situation. My wife actually attends these outings on a occasion. We have an understand with each other and the trust level is strong. Now if a woman that I was friends with asked me to go have a drink just with the two of us I would not do it. That to me is kind of crossing the line.
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