dirty looks (dating, how to, married, women)

[yog]

I'm a reasonably attractive man and I usually am reacted to by women one of three ways. Either I'm ignored, get friendly / Flirty response, or I get extremely dirty looks. The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

[Latina7]

Originally Posted by yog

I'm a reasonably attractive man and I usually am reacted to by women one of three ways. Either I'm ignored, get friendly / Flirty response, or I get extremely dirty looks. The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

From a woman's point of view, my point of view.....

You might think you are attractive, but others may not think so.
Are you short, because most women do not endear themselves to short men. Do you dress nicely, casually is okay, as long as it is nice, like clean jeans that are not ripped. Go to the Territory Ahead. I love the clothes this store has for men. It makes them look sophisticate. Lots of men go out of their way to look unattractive. Lots of tattoos, is definitely a turn-off. A small one is okay, but none at all, is even better. Do you stare at woman continuously. Or do you look at their bust first, and their faces, second. Women react to men doing that, they think this is weird.

Lots of face hair can be another turn off. I love a full- beard, but it has to be trimmed and dark. I love a moustache that is dark, and trimmed, no Fu-Man-Chus here. Lots of muscle like Arthur S.......ugly, ugly, ugly. Most women like a man TONED only. Are you in-shape, with no beer-belly?

Do you wear a nicely-scented cologne? Most women love this. That you are introverted and quiet, that can be a plus......for many women.

The most hated look for many women.......is the THUG LOOK, straight from the penitentiary, which is deciphered by the BALD HEAD, LOTS OF MUSCLES, etc. I would prefer to see a man with a reciding hair-line, or partly bald, than a fully-shaved bald- head. It makes the back of the lower head look sooo ugly.

Do you wear sneakers? They are okay for running.....or sports. But, I like to see a man with nice sandals, or soft shoes, many again, shown on the Territory Ahead Catalog. I purchase lots of my clothes from there.

Lots of men are wearing jewelry now, like a leather bracelet, or a sterling silver one......dashing! I also like to see a man with a pony-tail. Many of them can look astonisingly beautiful.....Another thing I love in a man, is a beautiful sweater, or tee, the over-the-head ones......

If you are toned, dress clean, and nicely, are in shape, smell good, and carry yourself well.............ALL women will want you.........

[Gerania]

I think that you're taking the whole thing too personally. Probably, many of the people looking at you don't see you at all.

[Pammyd]

Originally Posted by yog

I'm a reasonably attractive man and I usually am reacted to by women one of three ways. Either I'm ignored, get friendly / Flirty response, or I get extremely dirty looks. The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

I think perhaps you are reading too much into these "dirty looks" you are getting. It is human nature to wonder why someone is looking at them or glancing their way. It is also human nature to interpret the kind of look you might be getting. When a guy looks at me (and I am an older woman) I smile and either say good morning, hello or nothing. It doesn't mean that I am interested (am married) or disinterested or anyhthing in particular. Try smiling back at even the dirtiest look you may think you are getting and then walk away or talk to that person. Example: and this is pretty drastic...one time I was stopped at a red light and there was a guy in a pickup in front of me. I was, at the time quite LARGE physically. The light changed and he sat there, didn't move so I tapped the horn on my little Scion ever so lightly. He says, " F you you Fat Bi---h" I stuck my head out my car window and said back, "Hey, how did you know I was Fat??" Perfect example of how to relate to even the most difficult of folks. Good luck with this. This world needs more folks in it who will smile and talk to you in public with no ulterior motives

[Shankapotomus]

Originally Posted by yog

I'm a reasonably attractive man and I usually am reacted to by women one of three ways. Either I'm ignored, get friendly / Flirty response, or I get extremely dirty looks. The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

I do. The third one is typically if you're like male model good-lookin and have what is generally regarded as classic good looks. There is such a thing as looking "too perfect" and that may be what is inciting the hate on sight. They are not jealous. There are just certain strong stereotypes about good looking men that exist in the culture. The stereotypes are you could be dumb, shallow, a player, gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), a snob, conceited, that you've been given and unjust advantage you could never appreciate as much as the masses of society could, you are not socially conscious because you've never encountered injustice because your good looks mean you never had to worry or think about such things in your life, etc. In short, you're spoiled because of your looks. Your introversion makes it worse. If you don't acknowledge people and reach out to them as human beings, they quickly think you must be the aloof snob they are assuming you to be.

What I do to alleviated that is, whoever I encounter, I just try to say something nice about them and maybe also say something self deprecating about myself. It shows them I'm not the person they thought I was. In other words, people are assuming you'll automatically think you're better than them because of your looks but by engaging with them in this positive way you are telling them "no", i don't think that way, we are equals.

I find there is a huge difference between places I walk into where I've already done this and places where I haven't. The places where I've done this now know who I really am in a sense and their negative prejudgment of me is gone.

You have to be sensitive to what people could be going through in their background lives. Maybe they are victims of domestic abuse and have just disappointing home lives and then they come into work as cashiers or other low wage job and have to look at and wait on "Mr. Perfect" who doesn't even say more than "Hi" and "Thank you" every time. You don't know.


You have to be careful how to spot the ones doing this. Not everyone who makes a face is thinking this about you. You have to feel them out. Start by just assuming they are having a bad day and try to leave them feeling better.

[D. Scott]

The gal might be having a bad day, Or just has an abarasive personality. When out in the world yyou meet and deal with many different types. Dont let it knock your self asteem. I recall in Jan I smiled at a woman on the subway and she rolled her eyes, Got off at the next stop. As my respones are not usually like this I laughed it off. I aint too bad looking so I chalked it up to snobbery and grabbed and ice cold brew on the walk from the subway station. Dont sweat it!

[Texabama]

Originally Posted by Pammyd

I think perhaps you are reading too much into these "dirty looks" you are getting. It is human nature to wonder why someone is looking at them or glancing their way. It is also human nature to interpret the kind of look you might be getting. When a guy looks at me (and I am an older woman) I smile and either say good morning, hello or nothing. It doesn't mean that I am interested (am married) or disinterested or anyhthing in particular. Try smiling back at even the dirtiest look you may think you are getting and then walk away or talk to that person. Example: and this is pretty drastic...one time I was stopped at a red light and there was a guy in a pickup in front of me. I was, at the time quite LARGE physically. The light changed and he sat there, didn't move so I tapped the horn on my little Scion ever so lightly. He says, " F you you Fat Bi---h" I stuck my head out my car window and said back, "Hey, how did you know I was Fat??" Perfect example of how to relate to even the most difficult of folks. Good luck with this. This world needs more folks in it who will smile and talk to you in public with no ulterior motives

Your reply is interesting - and could be a worthy thread in itself. These days, our default thought process is to assume the worse in others. Prime example here - he assumed you thought he was a jerk when all you meant was to let him know the light had changed.
This is what happens when a society gets out of the habit of being polite.

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

This woman gave me this dirty look once and I winked at her. She didn't know how to react, but I left the scene coz I had to go. She'd never ever forget the crocodile who winked at her.

Public embarrassment is the way to go. Some women keep looking at me. I wave and they never EVER put eyes on me again.

Or I pick up conversation if they are in the near vicinity.

Most looks are driven by racial animosity. Some by curiosity. But the rest I have to speculate, it's an admiration for the crocodile's tail. They want a crocodile to be on them and do them crocodile style. Forget doggy style.

[Johnny Cash]

Originally Posted by yog

I'm a reasonably attractive man and I usually am reacted to by women one of three ways. Either I'm ignored, get friendly / Flirty response, or I get extremely dirty looks. The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

dude, your batting .333, if dating was baseball you'd be a superstar!

[behindthescreen]

Originally Posted by yog

The first two I understand, the third one stumps me. And, I don't mean that I'm using crappy pick up lines on women. I'm very introverted and quiet. I hardly ever have "hit on" women. I'm just confused about what about me incites hatred in women. I'm a quiet and pleasant guy and I'm disturbed by these "**** you" looks. Anyone have any insight here?

It's probably because you're staring at them and it makes them feel uncomfortable.

If you're not staring then how do you know they have a **** you look?