Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:19 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,639 posts, read 2,201,563 times
Reputation: 3538

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
You have no obligation to force yourself to be attracted to what you genuinely aren't. Try to tell her that you're interested in other women. The "just friends" gig doesn't usually work because it's not true, and the "I'm not attracted to YOU" is hurtful, but if she knows from you that you're "into other women" - and you don't need to specify which women, by name, height, age, weight, race, career, etc. - then she'll fade away in time. Just remember to also specify: "I'm not interested in any relationship with you." It's important that an attracted woman knows exactly these words so that she doesn't feel led on in any way and knows clearly that you have no intention to accept her pursuits with you in any way, shape, form, or fashion. It sounds harsh now, but the simple truth is much better than some bull**** about being friends or keeping this charade going because you don't want to seem like a jerk. It saves a lot of heartbreak, time and energy in the long run this way.



Well, the only reason I mentioned in my post about just staying friends is because he said she ALREADY was a friend. It seemed like he liked her well enough as a friend. But maybe not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:21 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
819 posts, read 1,129,454 times
Reputation: 1279
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Well, the only reason I mentioned in my post about just staying friends is because he said she ALREADY was a friend. It seemed like he liked her well enough as a friend. But maybe not.
Men and women can't be friends because this sort of crap always happens.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:22 PM
 
12,101 posts, read 17,085,791 times
Reputation: 15771
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
You have no obligation to force yourself to be attracted to what you genuinely aren't. Try to tell her that you're interested in other women. The "just friends" gig doesn't usually work because it's not true, and the "I'm not attracted to YOU" is hurtful, but if she knows from you that you're "into other women" - and you don't need to specify which women, by name, height, age, weight, race, career, etc. - then she'll fade away in time. Just remember to also specify: "I'm not interested in any relationship with you." It's important that an attracted woman knows exactly these words so that she doesn't feel led on in any way and knows clearly that you have no intention to accept her pursuits with you in any way, shape, form, or fashion. It sounds harsh now, but the simple truth is much better than some bull**** about being friends or keeping this charade going because you don't want to seem like a jerk. It saves a lot of heartbreak, time and energy in the long run this way.
That's stupid.

They were friends before, why can't they be friends now. Why is it a charade?

Whether or not they stay friends is HER decision, not his. It doesn't matter to him, he doesn't have any feelings for her.

If he cuts her off as a friend because it's 'weird' for him, that's conceited and douchy in my book.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:27 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,639 posts, read 2,201,563 times
Reputation: 3538
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
Men and women can't be friends because this sort of crap always happens.

Yeah..i think if both parties do not find the other attractive, its easier.

As far as the OP situation, I agree with Joboba that it will be up to the woman if the friendship survives this rejection. Usually, it takes a cooling off period. Maybe down the line once she gets over it they could be friends...If she takes it hard.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 05:55 PM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,423,099 times
Reputation: 7783
Have been in the same situation once. Politely reject her, no need whatsoever to say why.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 06:44 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,202 posts, read 52,636,749 times
Reputation: 52693
Just tell her you're not down with the chubby chasing......

j/k


Don't tell her it's because she's fat/heavy, just give her some nonsense about being friends, you know, the usual crap people tell each other and both know that is BS.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 06:51 PM
 
733 posts, read 1,663,418 times
Reputation: 886
Just text back and say, "Thank you. I am truly flattered. I didn't know you feel that way. But unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate your feelings at the moment. I have grown to like you tremendously as a friend, and I wish we can stay friends for a long long time."

Threw in the "at the moment" bit because you said that her weight is the only issue that you cannot overlook. Who knows, maybe she will be fit one day and you might be open to dating her then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,564 posts, read 12,815,402 times
Reputation: 9400
When you are young you say yes to anyone that says yes..when you get older you pick carefully and choose..I am older and know a woman that is very interested in me..When I was younger...I would go for it...better to choose than be chosen...better to be with who you truly want to be with...may as well start young and go for quality.....Besides...getting involved with people you do not truly like..just ends up a mess...it's not worth it...reject and don't feel bad about it...just be kind and graceful about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 07:01 PM
 
354 posts, read 617,723 times
Reputation: 748
Why the heck would you even consider telling her that you are not interested in her due to her weight? Be POLITE dude! Just tell her that you like her as a friend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-01-2012, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,564 posts, read 12,815,402 times
Reputation: 9400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
When you are young you say yes to anyone that says yes..when you get older you pick carefully and choose..I am older and know a woman that is very interested in me..When I was younger...I would go for it...better to choose than be chosen...better to be with who you truly want to be with...may as well start young and go for quality.....Besides...getting involved with people you do not truly like..just ends up a mess...it's not worth it...reject and don't feel bad about it...just be kind and graceful about it.
Oh I forgot...I rejected the woman..I see her and she always has this nasty look now...of resentment....I keep the conversation light...it's more about pride..."what....I am not good enough?"----not about good enough...it is about what is right...some are not right for you..Just tell the person that it would not be the right thing to do...they MIGHT understand.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top