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So I've been dabbling in the world of online dating. I've met quite a few guys but so far only one I really felt chemistry with and sadly he turned out to be kind of a jerk.
How do you know when someone is the right person? I realize it's probably unrealistic to meet someone and right off the bat be crazy about them, but so far I just haven't felt very excited about anyone. Maybe I'm being too picky, but I also don't want to just settle because someone is nice. I want the spark! At least initially. There's a guy I had a 4th date with last night and I just don't feel it. He's perfectly nice, but I don't feel the attraction. Should I keep waiting to see if it comes later or if it isn't here by now should I move on?
For those of you who have SO's, did you feel spark and excitement about them right away? For those that don't, how long do you wait to feel it before you move on?
The only way to know is by time. You have to "date" the person for a while to really get to know them. Have honest and open conversations with them about their past, their current, their future plans. Find out about their past relationships and why they failed or why they were successful. Not only do you have to give it time to get to really know someone, they need to get to know you too. When did I know my wife was the right person? Other than after the first time we had sex (it was AMAZING) it took a good 1-2 years.
The only way to know is by time. You have to "date" the person for a while to really get to know them. Have honest and open conversations with them about their past, their current, their future plans. Find out about their past relationships and why they failed or why they were successful. Not only do you have to give it time to get to really know someone, they need to get to know you too. When did I know my wife was the right person? Other than after the first time we had sex (it was AMAZING) it took a good 1-2 years.
This!
I sometimes think that meeting someone online first sucks a lot of the mystique out of meeting them IRL for the first time. You kinda already know what to expect — at least you know the basics. You know what they look like (well, hopefully), what they do for a living, if they've been married before, etc.
I met my guy through Match.com. I thought he was just the cutest thing ever when I met him in person. He just had this glimmer of ... I dunno. Something. He seemed like a genuinely honorable person. But the more we went out, the more I liked him as a person. At the three-month mark, I was a goner.
There is no MR. or MS. Right. It takes two to make it right...Any one who is reasonable and is willing to work things out and stick it out is right. You can learn to love just about anybody....and they you!.....on the other hand....if the chemical reaction is profound and it is love at first sight..the person might just fall in love at the NEXT sighting....of someone else...BOTH people must want a long time relationship...and there is nothing wrong with just settling down...or settling....I try to tell my older daughter who is pushing 30...just find someone reasonable...She is still shopping around for Mr. Right...who will never show up...and time is passing.
I sometimes think that meeting someone online first sucks a lot of the mystique out of meeting them IRL for the first time. You kinda already know what to expect — at least you know the basics. You know what they look like (well, hopefully), what they do for a living, if they've been married before, etc.
I met my guy through Match.com. I thought he was just the cutest thing ever when I met him in person. He just had this glimmer of ... I dunno. Something. He seemed like a genuinely honorable person. But the more we went out, the more I liked him as a person. At the three-month mark, I was a goner.
Any one who is reasonable and is willing to work things out and stick it out is right. You can learn to love just about anybody....and they you!
I disagree with this. I tried to make things work with a nice guy, who I found physically repulsive. No matter how nice he was to me and how much I appreciated all the kind things he did for me, I was just completely repulsed by his physical appearance. I need to be attracted to someone's outside too. That relationship fell apart because not being attracted to my partner was too hard on me.
I felt a spark with a guy (not right away, but not long after we met) who I found physically attractive about 6 months after that last relationship ended with the ugly guy. The relationship with the spark lasted much longer and was much more fulfilling because I didn't have to try to so hard to make something happen that wasn't there. So don't settle. A spark is good, but it might not happen on day one. But you also can't force something that doesn't exist, especially love. It needs to be the right mixture.
So I've been dabbling in the world of online dating. I've met quite a few guys but so far only one I really felt chemistry with and sadly he turned out to be kind of a jerk.
How do you know when someone is the right person? I realize it's probably unrealistic to meet someone and right off the bat be crazy about them, but so far I just haven't felt very excited about anyone. Maybe I'm being too picky, but I also don't want to just settle because someone is nice. I want the spark! At least initially. There's a guy I had a 4th date with last night and I just don't feel it. He's perfectly nice, but I don't feel the attraction. Should I keep waiting to see if it comes later or if it isn't here by now should I move on?
For those of you who have SO's, did you feel spark and excitement about them right away? For those that don't, how long do you wait to feel it before you move on?
I know it right away. With me, women either hate me, or love/lust for me. There isn't any in between, or any room for "improvements". I'm not like most men to "adjust" to suit a woman either. I'm ME...nice to meet ya! What, you hate guys that come from the country and ways of life? BYE BYE now! LOL Something like that! LOL
I've never eased into a relationship. I have to want to see him naked from the get-go. There is no "he got cuter with time" with me. If I don't find someone attractive from Day One, there won't even be a second date.
In terms of someone being "right" for a long-term relationship or marriage, I operate on the 90-day Heart Back Guarantee: If I'm not in love or dang close to it in three months, I end it. As it often takes men a little longer to fall in love (in my experience), no harm, no foul.
The irony is that I knew my ex for over a year before we started dating. We met at a group happy hour, but right after that he got called up and sent overseas, so we wrote a little bit. Not much, and we wrote mostly about hockey and the news. We didn't start dating until he came back, nearly a year later.
I knew my SO through an online group for a while. Just friends, as he had a girlfriend at the time. They eventually broke up (nothing to do with me), we just wrote back and forth for about 6 or 7 months, just about birds, work, and stuff, nothing romantic or date-ish, and decided to meet when I came to the area to look for apartments. (My moving had nothing to do with him--although maybe he wouldn't have been so persistent in emailing me if there was no chance we'd ever meet, like if my move was going to be to California or something. I should ask him about that. ) And that was that.
So I guess you could say that I have to find them hot when I meet them, but knowing how their minds operate ahead of time doesn't hurt. Three months after that is all I need to know.
If you can't stand the thought of them touching you, then it's not gonna work no matter what.
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) And that was that.
