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Why not just let it roll of your back? If you are secure in your relationship - what's the big deal?
As a woman..I would NOT want my boyfriend letting too much of that roll off his back. Now, this does not mean that he needs to go to prison for 5-7 years over it, but I think it should be addressed in SOME type of manner. Whatever fits the situation. ESPESCIALLY if its one of his friends.
If my boyfriend let one of his friends get away with saying something sexual like that to me without addressing it, I would lose respect for BOTH of them. Sorry, but to me, that's out of line, and not cool. A boyfriend's failure to address that would make me feel like im some random chick he is hanging out with (and therefore could care less), rather than his woman. It's got nothing to do with being secure, and EVERYTHING to do with respect.
Seriously, some of you men would let one of your friends ask your girlfriend if she like testicles and tell her she should try them, and he could help her with that??? Are u serious? I would be highly offended by that, and my respect for my boyfriend as a man would go waaayy down if that was not addressed. That is just not appropriate, and any so called 'friend' that would do that to his buddy's girlfriend is not worth much as a friend.
I bet if it were the WOMAN that was coming on sexually to one of his buddies, and saying that she wanted his buddy's help in trying out testicles, I bet you he would be pulling her a$$ quietly aside and telling her to knock that s&&t off, or something. But, he would NOT let that roll off his back, and I dont care what man says he would. He would be barking at her later about it or something.
You are the man, and even being the independent little toughie woman I am, I still respect a man's role as a defender and protector. Or do you men not want that title anymore?
Again, im not saying the guy needs to go to jail over how he handles it. (Pull the guy aside, talk to him, cut him down verbally, something,) but it better be handled some kind of way or I could never feel the same about my boyfriend.
Last edited by SummerFall; 04-04-2012 at 03:23 PM..
At first I brushed it off, because it was funny. But then it happened again, and again, and more throughout the night. After a while it wasn't funny...
And see..that's also a point. If you dont shut that down right away, the guy may think he can do it over and over. And seriously, the guy seems like he doesnt even respect YOU as a man if he is doing it over and over.I mean once. But darn he kept on doing it....
How about this...
Im a woman who has been dating another woman for 5&1/2 years... About two years ago my gf and i started hanging out with a co-worker, and both became pretty close with im. I left our job together for another but my girlfrie d and this guy still work together every day just the two of them... well i started noticing little differences. First he stared bringing her favorite liquor around my house when they got off work and id find the two of them hanging together.. But when i walked in my gf looked normal and this guy looked spooked. Every time. Hed sit up straight... Look guilty.. Just little things. I thought.. Meh he just has a crush.. When hes drunk hes hit on both of us many times before just jokingly so whatever.
.
Then he started texting her night after night. She showed me one text of him making "jokes" of a sexual nature... Even once telling her thats exactly what he wanted... Essentially it got out of hand so i was honest and respectful and just asked him what the deal was. Well he made me feel like an idiot telling me nothing was going on and how could i think that.. So i let it go again. But i did ask my girl several times if there was anything new with him i ahould no.. Akways to recieve no of course not as an answer.
A couple of months later my girlfriend and i get drunk and she finally tells me her and this guy have lied and actually he came out and finally said that he wanted to be with her....
So what the hell does all this mean..?! She says theres nothing wrong with it and she feels he was respectful with the way he said this to her but she doesnt "remember exactly what he said". I say hes a disrespectful ******* and hes no friend of mine.. But she works with him. She agreed they wouldnt hangout after that but i dont want to make her do anything... I just dont think its right, but i dont want to be the jelous girlfriend. However some part of me feels like this guy just doesnt see mine as a legitimate relationship... Help??
I'm in middle school and I want to know how to get rid of this guy because he was a friend and now I'm very fricken pissed because when I started to date my girl he told me he would start hitting on her when I least expect it and now he says he has a girl called his right hand I think he just makes out with it at night and jacks off but can u tell me what it means.
He's full of crap. Ignore him.
Pay attention to your girlfriend, and do your homework. It'll all work out.
I don't know what kind of dudes you hang out with. None of my friends have ever hit on my girlfriends. That's pretty messed up man.
Acquaintances have without knowing she was with me. But once they did, they backed off.
I think you need better friends.
This. Choose better friends. I chuckled at your opening post, don't assume all of us have such poor excuses for friends or even tolerate such nonsense. I will admit, though, that with the proper delivery some of your comebacks could be funny and embarrass the idiot. That is, of course, assuming you'd have to resort to that.
But yeah, the bro code is real. Among actual, mature 'bros'.
Never had this happen before. When my best friend and I were 13, he went out with this 16 year old. A couple years later I started to like her, I was obsessed with her. Any feelings he had for her were gone by then, so he was okay with it, but I still felt bad about liking her. She never liked me back, but sometimes it seemed like she did. She gave a lot of mixed signals, which I'd probably be able to decipher now, but not then. I was like 16 and she was 19 by that time.
He was pretty much my hero when we were kids and I think he still is, so I was so envious when he started dating this other girl when we were 14. I would have never have hit on her while they were together and he knew that, but I'd always say ''Damn, he's really lucky!''. They were together for years and eventually were engaged. They were together from 97 until 06. When she was in her teens and early 20's, She looked almost identical to what the actress Chloe Grace Moretz looks like now. I've seen her on Facebook now, and she looks a bit like Priscilla Barnes did on Three's Company, only not 80's looking!. The funny thing was that I remember when I started hanging out with, then eventually hooking up with the girl I lost my virginity to, many people made comments that I went out and found a girl that looked like his girlfriend, but his girlfriend was quite a bit prettier. I eventually got a steady girlfriend that I had for over 5 years and the first few years they were still together. Then after my best friend and this girl broke up, he later started going with out a girl a couple years later that almost looked like my-then girlfriend! And a lot of people said that!
Now the girl I lost my virginity to, was hooking up with another very close friend of mine, before I was with her. I think they were still talking when I started talking to her. I remember when we first started hooking up, I broke down to him that I had been seeing her and hoped he wasn't mad. He laughed and told me it meant a lot to him that I felt so bad about it because of him, but that he didn't care because they had been done for a few months.
It's been amazing to me, as my sons have grown up. Kids are starting to play (but in a rather serious way) at being in "relationships" in middle school, and the most common thing I hear is experiments in jealousy and possessiveness, control and manipulation.
If kids are growing up thinking that these things are the most important foundations of relationships, we're in a lot of trouble, folks. You think the traditional family is on shaky ground now...
They're like Gen AI. It doesn't stand for "Artificial Intelligence" though. It stands for "Abandonment Issues."
It's a rare situation but it happens: A close male friend excessively flirts with or hits on your girl or date when you're out at dinner, a bar or party. It's a sticky situation because your friend is crossing a boundary, whether it's intentional or unintentional, and you have to put him in his place without losing your cool or getting mad at something so trivial.
But let's face it, guys will be guys and when we are presented with a very attractive girl, even if she's taken, our natural instincts will be to pursue, game, and conquer.
No friend should put another in an uncomfortable position, but what if it happens to you? What can you do?
This has happened to me a couple times in the past, and most recently over the weekend. I want to share some of my experiences and methods in keeping your cool, while fending off this type of behavior.
First things first, if this happens to you, you must defend yourself and not let it slide. Would you let a stranger hit on your girlfriend? No, so don't let one of your friends do it either. What would your GF think if you just allowed one of your friends to hit on her? You don't want to know.
1. Set a Sexual Frame with your GF when he attempts to flirt with her. Why? The most important thing you have that he doesn't with her is a sexual relationship or sexual tension. Use that to your advantage.
For example: He starts flirting with your GF in front of you. Playfully spank her on the behind and playfully say "you better tell him the truth or you will have to answer to me later" smiling of course. You can even look at him and say "Sometimes she acts like this just to be spanked..."
Another example: He asks her: "Do you like to drink smoothies with strawberries, bananas or apples the best?" She replies strawberries, because they're soft and sweet. He says "Wow, so you enjoy slurping strawberry smoothies huh... I think I know what that means" flirtatiously smiling. You reply "Let's be honest, I'm the only one who REALLY knows what she's talking about..." smiling of course.
The point is to be more sexual with her than he CAN be, because in reality he doesn't really know her too well and it would be weird if he said some of the things you did.
2. Knock him off his pedestal (verbally). Why? You just can't let him disrespect you in front of your girlfriend and friends. Put him in his place.
For example: He asks her what type of exotic foods she's eaten before, she names a few, he responds "have you ever had testicles" she replies "no" and he says "you should try them some time, you're missing out, maybe I can help you try some..." smirking and flirting, setting a very sexual frame with your girlfriend. Say to the group "That's true, he's always been a HUGE fan of the testicles..." smiling/laughing of course. Then you can say "What is it about the testicles that appeals to you the most?"
3. Dominate Him. In all areas.
For example: He says anything remotely sexual, weird or slightly inappropriate. Say "Guys I'm sorry, he hasn't always been this big of a weirdo! It must have developed after he lost his virginity... what like 1-2 months ago?"
For example: He continues to flirt with your GF even tho there are other attractive girls around. Say "Hey man, I know you're really shy, but kissing a girl is just the beginning! Stop talking to us man, go out there and get some! Or at least try!"
I'd be interested to hear other people's thoughts on what they'd do in these situations. All of my responses are always said playfully. If you get angry or upset, you look insecure. It's best to play it cool, and knock your friend down a bit.
I had a friend like that when I was an undergraduate long ago. I was at an "elite" private university that unfortunately had a three-to-one male-to-female ratio. I was socially out-of-place (to put it mildly). My friend knew it very well and firsthand witnessed the rejection, social ostracization, and many, many weekends alone over the span of years.
Finally, with about a month to go in my senior year I actually went on a date with two women. I'll never forget the look of hatred and extreme resentment in my friend's eye when he saw them in my room - the social reject suddenly scores at the last minute with "two beautifl girls" at a mostly male campus. It was like the parting of the red seas for me. And it made my so-called friend mad - really furious. He was horribly rude to those two women and to me. Ironically, he had a steady girlfriend at the time, but he was still jealous of my last-minute success on a campus where I had been ostracized for almost four years. He of all people should have known better. I just ended the friendship after that.
Sometimes the best friend can become the worst enemy because of beautiful women. It's happened before and can happen again. Sometimes human males can be like the angry bull elk during the rut high up in the Rocky Mountains.
5 year inactive thread bump folk... There was a response to a dead thread where nobody is coming back to look for responses.
Anything new to add or just responses to posts from 2012?
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. The funny thing was that I remember when I started hanging out with, then eventually hooking up with the girl I lost my virginity to, many people made comments that I went out and found a girl that looked like his girlfriend, but his girlfriend was quite a bit prettier. I eventually got a steady girlfriend that I had for over 5 years and the first few years they were still together. Then after my best friend and this girl broke up, he later started going with out a girl a couple years later that almost looked like my-then girlfriend! And a lot of people said that!
It's a sticky situation because your friend is crossing a boundary, whether it's intentional or unintentional, and you have to put him in his place without losing your cool or getting mad at something so trivial.
