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I am standing on the cliff of my marriage and wondering...do I stay or do I go. There is no infidelity/abuse or anything like that, which is making this decision harder. We've been together 5 years, married 3. I feel we used to have a good amount of "opposite" qualities that balanced us out, but over the last 2 years we have become complete opposites. I have no energy left when it comes to him, and just feel like I don't know which way is up while wading through the daily drama that is our marriage. I just want it all to stop, to be able to come home from work and relax, to not have someone hanging around my neck every moment of every day. We have been in counseling for 6 months, and I don't see much difference, if any. Is there anyone out there who was in a similar marriage that did not have abuse etc? Any advice would be much appreciated.
I know it's hard to justify the "end" in your situation. However, you have given counseling a try. If you're not happy, one of you has to be the one to end it. People grow apart, it happens, especially if people marry young. It's very sad when a marriage ends, but you'll be doing a favor by allowing the both of you to find someone that you are compatable with. Someone that makes your heart jump intead of your head hurt.
If you truly feel in your heart that it's over and you've given your all to try and salvage it, the I say "be the brave one". Take some time to yourself to do some soul searching, and I think he will thank you later for having the strength to do it. If you leave it up to him, you could be waiting awhile.....
Sometimes people grow apart and if they realize what's happening, it may not be too late to fix it.
I'm not too sure about counselers. I'm one for fixing the problem myself.
You and your husband need to go somewhere secluded, (maybe at your house, the mountains, wherever) somewhere where there is no interruption for a few days. Have a long, long talk and see if he's willing to change some of the things you no longer like. Compromise is a better way to go. After all is said and done, you'll have your answer and you'll know you gave it your best shot. That's all you can do is give it your best. Try to find the things that made you fall in love. I know that's really hard but at least try.
Hope things work out for you. Keep us updated.
Hang in there It seems like you maybe the problem.
I have thought this same thing, but we have both identified that up to about 2 years ago we were similar in that we loved our time together, but also enjoyed having a little "alone" time for our hobbies. He has since changed and we are both suffering for it in our own way. I feel that this has become part of who he is (not a bad thing, we all do it) but he denies that and keeps promising that it is only a phase. It made sense 2 years ago when he went through some major life changes (career and family), but now I really worry that it isn't just a phase.
I'm voting for "No" because you have hesitation. If there is hesitation, there may be a relationship to salvage.
I don't think it's unusual to hit a rough patch in the early years of a marriage, and that rough patch may be long-lived (a year, maybe two....), but most couples will come out on the other side of it if they stick it out.
I agree with Songinthewind - try to get away together, relax, do something fun and then have a heart-to-heart talk and see where you're at.
Maybe you're just stressed, or bored, or a combination. Marriage can get boring at times.
Go easy on yourself and on him, work towards being happy with YOU and YOUR LIFE and maybe these things that once seemed important and worth ending a marriage for won't matter anymore .
I don't know. I come at it from kind of an old-fashioned view, I guess. Hey, I'm old, don't hold it against me! I just think marriage is a life-long, till "death do us part" covenant. (Short of some extreme circumstances such as physical abuse, unrepentant adultery etc.)
You said you had been in counseling 6 months. I don't know if it would make any difference, but seriously, maybe you should try a different counselor. Sometimes you will find that one has a different perspective than another. A way of dealing with things which may be more simpatico with you and more insightful to what your marriage really needs. Just a thought...
"Hanging around my neck" ... in an affectionate way, a nagging way, or dependent?
No offense, but (considering the context of that phrase), sounds like you're young; and the physical attraction/"honeymoon" infatuation wore off for you, but not him?
Care ends up trumping all those things, though. So think deeply ... how much do you really care about him? There shall be your answer, I hope :>)
Best wishes.
Ya know, my situation is different, emotional and verbal abuse...
We didn't really grow apart. I just had my eyes opened to the situation at hand, after so many years. 16
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I just think marriage is a life-long, till "death do us part" covenant. (Short of some extreme circumstances such as physical abuse, unrepentant adultery etc.)
