Being with man who is less educated and earns less money. How do you handle finances?

[houstan-dan]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

I apologize for my confusion. And I don't think the way people tend to pair up is about how easy it will be to divorce, at least not consciously. I spoke clumsily. It has more to do with similar backgrounds and social spheres. They meet in school, at work, through friends, through mutual interests, etc. Being in a significantly different position than the other person can be awkward. I see economically mismatched pairings more in the entrepreneurial types; one of our friends has a booming cash for gold business and his wife works as a cashier at a grocery store. In another couple we know, he's a garbage collector and she works at a gas station. In the corporate world, you don't see a lot of marriage across socioeconomic lines.

I definitely understand what you mean. I would agree that most people do marry a bit more relatively closer to their income bracket.

I'm just saying that also, in many circumstances, it's absolutely no issue at all. I made a fraction of what I make now when I started dating my girlfriend, and she loved her job at McDonalds. Still to this day she tells me how she took pride in doing good there. Earlier this week on our way to the gym she was telling me how nice her cousins double wide trailer is and she would have no problem living in something like that when we are ready to purchase a home...

Not everyone is concerned about money. I personally am, but it doesn't mean that the person I date must also be. Or it doesn't mean that the person I be may not be into money, nor care whether or not I make much of it.

I will say this, a couple of my good friends are very high earners in their professional jobs. They have both made comments regarding how money is a concern of theirs because they feel expected to do well by their significant other (their significant others make a lot, too) Things like being able to afford all these expensive stuff, private school, etc. etc. I could seriously make 1/3 of what I do now and my girlfriend would not bat her eye as long as we have food and shelter. When I'm trying to save money and pay stuff off, instead of going out to dinner she JUMPS at the chance to experiment with new dinner ideas she can make on the weekends.

I fully understand what you are saying. If I was never dating or getting laid when I was broke, then all of a sudden had women flocking to me when I had money, it'd be one thing. But when I was making farrr less and had lots of dates and even more sex, I think they were more interested then just my lack of money

[JustJulia]

She does sound like a keeper.

[MogwaiLover217]

Maybe this would work with casual dating

[M3 Mitch]

Originally Posted by Anonchica

Before my boyfriend (b/f) and I started dating, I used to categorically refuse to someone who didn't have a college education, but I made an exception for him. . We have talked about kids and marriage and a future together, so I know we both take this relationship seriously and this is not some fling. I haven't had many serious relationships so this is all new to me. He is a good decent man who seems to care about me and motivates me.

I care about him too, but lately I've been having anxiety of how we would work if we really married. I'm in my late 20's but I've had a fear for many years that a man would marry me for my money and then leave me. This issue is tied to the fact that I've always been responsible with money and as a result, have had to bail out family members in need, several times in my life, even when I was merely a college student. While I was happy to help when I was younger, I'm growing more resentful of this and wish everyone could just be responsible.

The b/f dropped out of college in his early 20's and has a low paying blue collar job, but he refuses to take help from a relative which I respect a lot. Early in our relationship he said he planned to go back to college, but that story has now changed to 'I'll only go to college if it will raise my income' and 'I have too many activities now to go back to school.' I agree with the theory on not wasting money unnecessarily in college if you don't have a clear plan, but the thought of him never going back to college makes me nervous because I want my kids (if any) to have a role model in their father. His friends are all blue collar too and it makes me nervous that he will settle for less because none of his friends have any ambition.

I'm in law school which has made me more skeptical and paranoid of people's intentions. If we were to get married, I'd most likely significantly out earn him even if he were do go back to college for a bachelor's degree or started a small business unless I stayed home after having kids. My own mother has made more than my father in the past 20 years of their marriage, but in the beginning he out earned her significantly for the first 15+ years of their marriage/relationship so I know money dynamics can change unexpectedly in a relationship. They both love each other a lot and sacrifice a great deal for each other. They have a joint account and share equally.

If b/f and I make it to the marriage stage- how should we handle finances? Because of my money/trust issues, I'd prefer to keep separate accounts. He's also admitted that he's not great with money and saving but seems to be genuinely excited for me to provide help with financial planning. This would indicate he wants me to plan our accounts jointly, but I'm worried that the control freak in me will come out and I'll start admonishing him for unnecessary purchases which will ruin our relationship. So maybe, we should do a joint account for household/joint expenses and separate ones for "fun/spending money"? But how do you handle the split in household expenses- 50/50 or as a percentage of income? Also, what about joint travel expenses? I've traveled extensively and we both share a love of travel. He's expressed that he can't wait to travel together. This causes me both joy and anxiety. On the one hand, I've waited my whole life for a man to share my life & travels with. On the other hand, it makes me wonder is he going to take advantage of me, as in am I going to have to foot the entire travel bill while he basically gets to travel for free? I want to own a house one day and believe in saving up for down payment- will I have to bear all of the down payment?

For now on dates, I let him pick up most of our dinners out because I know guys have fragile egos and want to be able to provide for their girls. But for big purchases, I'm strongly for going 50/50 because I believe in equity and reciprocity. We are going to a big concert and I wrote him a check for my portion without him asking and I am flying down to see him because he flew out to see me. I'm hoping this establishes a 50/50 precedent so later on in our relationship when I'm out of school and earning more money, I can still insist on 50/50 for travel expense and living expense. I'd be fine with getting a smaller house or going to cheaper destinations so it's something we can both contribute to equally. I even thought about paying off my student loans on the high payment plan so my net pay would drop significantly and we would be making relatively the same, but then again, I don't want to have to scrimp and live like a pauper after being in school this many years. I may have to help out parents with their retirement so I'd rather pay the loan back over 25 years and save up for possibility of helping my parents, saving for a house,etc.

What do you all think I should do? Am I overreacting? Should I just stick it out with him or leave him? Should we split finances 50/50 or % of income? Should I get a prenup? The future lawyer in me wants a prenup, but I also don't want to hurt his feelings/change our relationship for the worse and am superstitious so I don't want to invite trouble/divorce.

Sorry for the long post but this issue is making me anxious and keeping me up at night.

What's all this crap about "having kids"? As if biological reproduction is the ne plus ultra of relationships, at least heterosexual ones. People who always assumed that getting married and having kids is the end state for any "real" relationship irritate me no end. You should free this blue collar guy and go your own way.

[E-Twist]

This thread is seven years old.