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Old 04-08-2012, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,667 posts, read 2,323,250 times
Reputation: 2926
OP: you sound very judgmental and obnoxious. Ironically, you're probably doing lots of men a huge favour by rejecting them straight off.

 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,273 posts, read 3,410,916 times
Reputation: 4169
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yzette View Post
Given that apparently you are perfect, please share with the class so that men everywhere can learn what an accomplished, wonderful, beautiful woman they'd be getting, one so utterly magnificent that only a Nobel Laureate whose condom never broke would be worthy. Show us, please, so that men can bow and scrape before you before they fling themselves off a cliff at the realization that they could never have you, Almighty Princess of All She Surveys.
LOL, that's cute. I never meant to imply that I was perfect and didn't have any flaws. My point is that I don't have the kinds of issues that these guys have, and I choose not to deal with them in my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Have you met him? Talked to him? Sort of judgemental of you to assume that you & him won't hit it off.
Are you serious? People write other people off on looks alone every day without ever talking to them, but I shouldn't write this guy off for the reasons that I listed?
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:22 PM
 
16,055 posts, read 7,979,552 times
Reputation: 11514
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I don't feel that he's "below" me, I just feel that he would not make a good romantic partner for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Have you met him? Talked to him? Sort of judgemental of you to assume that you & him won't hit it off.
That.

Super judgemental of this guy.

I look at that guy's profile and I see a guy who has a job as an electrician, has a child, and in recovery. If the rest of his profile is full of "I liek hookin' up wit girlz" then yes I'd write him off too. As far as I know, no adult would fill there profile with bad grammar and dumb quotes like above.

However, if he has a decent job, takes care of his child, and is trying to better himself through losing an addiction, what harm is it going to be to just meet his guy for coffee?

And BTW, if he's a certfied electrician, he probably went through a trade school and an apprenticeship. That's not a sit-down education, but it's still an education.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,658 posts, read 4,894,466 times
Reputation: 4177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Ok, here's an example of a profile of someone who sent me a message a few minutes ago. I really don't think I'm overreacting here...

Profession: Electritian (he can't even spell his own profession!)
Well, he biffed a word. I'd be tempted to give someone a pass if the rest of their profile checked out as literate. I'm glad for the spell-check and edit feature on most sites. Sometimes you end up doing one of these and thinking "now why did I do that? I know how to spell electrician!"

And, unlike most here, I'm going to give you a pass on the frustration. The men who contact you should (as closely as possible) correspond to the profile of the man you are looking for. These men should be thinking "OK, she wants someone who is college educated? Well, that's not me. And no kids? Drats, I have three. NEXT!" I don't know why those men are wasting their time and yours, but I think I'd feel the same annoyance, escalating to aggravation then extreme pissiness if you continue to be contacted by men you know you would not be interested in.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,273 posts, read 3,410,916 times
Reputation: 4169
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
That.
However, if he has a decent job, takes care of his child, and is trying to better himself through losing an addiction, what harm is it going to be to just meet his guy for coffee?

And BTW, if he's a certfied electrician, he probably went through a trade school and an apprenticeship. That's not a sit-down education, but it's still an education.
It's NOT a problem that he's an electrician. Even if he were an electrical engineer with a masters degree (like my ex), but he had a 5 year old AND former substance abuse issues, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Call me judgmental if you want, but I think it would be foolish for me to get involved with a person like that when I'm looking for someone who's husband material. A former addict can always relapse and his child is going to be a burden financially and other ways. I'm not looking for an instant family. I want to have my own children with my husband when the time is right for the both of us.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:36 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 3,804,903 times
Reputation: 9551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
It's NOT a problem that he's an electrician. Even if he were an electrical engineer with a masters degree (like my ex), but he had a 5 year old AND former substance abuse issues, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Call me judgmental if you want, but I think it would be foolish for me to get involved with a person like that when I'm looking for someone who's husband material.
I don't agree with the posters who think you should consider someone whom you deem inappropriate. But I do think that the fuss is indicative of your maybe having some issues that others might want to consider being wary of!

Quote:
A former addict can always relapse and his child is going to be a burden financially and other ways. I'm not looking for an instant family. I want to have my own children with my husband when the time is right for the both of us.
The dating game is an interesting game. Some people will choose to cast their net wide instead of targeted. How is this a giant problem? Especially when you don't even take it seriously enough to pay for a service that will aid in screening. Maybe here you get what you pay for.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Asheville, Nc
3,805 posts, read 2,352,284 times
Reputation: 2527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post

Are you serious? People write other people off on looks alone every day without ever talking to them, but I shouldn't write this guy off for the reasons that I listed?

Yes people write others off because of looks & that's wrong but we all do it. Your writing this guy off for having a child, when did that become a bad thing? So he misspelled what he does for a living. And I thought women wanted someone who was honest. Would you be upset if men wrote you off for having a child? If this guy doesn't fit your bill I get it yet what IF your missing out with him or someone else?
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:49 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,658 posts, read 4,894,466 times
Reputation: 4177
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Your writing this guy off for having a child, when did that become a bad thing?
Um, when it's a deal breaker?

The poster clearly stated that she wants only to be a mother, not a step-mother, and on her own timeline, not forced to deal with a blended family.

Honestly, I view the "so, he has a kid. What's the big deal?" attitude with some alarm. Shouldn't a person who has kids want to find a mate who would fully accept them? Some won't, and if they don't, that should be a deal breaker for the parent.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
5,273 posts, read 3,410,916 times
Reputation: 4169
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Yes people write others off because of looks & that's wrong but we all do it. Your writing this guy off for having a child, when did that become a bad thing? So he misspelled what he does for a living. And I thought women wanted someone who was honest. Would you be upset if men wrote you off for having a child? If this guy doesn't fit your bill I get it yet what IF your missing out with him or someone else?
If I had a child, I would be aware that some men without children wouldn't be interested in dating me. Men write off single mothers all the time, and they have the right to do so. People will never stop writing people off because of looks, so I don't think I'm really being any more judgmental than anyone else. We all choose our dating partners for different reasons. These guys who I'm complaining about may have some good qualities, but I'm not willing to take a chance on them. As I get older, more men will probably have kids (preferably from former marriages), so that may not always be an issue, but for now it is.
 
Old 04-08-2012, 03:26 PM
 
4,499 posts, read 3,957,780 times
Reputation: 3793
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
...but there seems to be a very large number of undesirable, bottom of the barrel type men on that site, and they keep sending me messages! The main things I notice on dating profiles are:

1. Photos
2. Age
3. Education
4. Does he have kids?

All four of these things have to be acceptable otherwise I am not interested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I have dated guys without degrees. That is not the issue. The issue is the lack of the degree combined with having had kids out of wedlock.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
When it's one loser guy after another all day every day, yes I do get VERY disgusted and annoyed. I ignore and block them. I have blocked hundreds, but I get new ones writing to me every day. It's like they keep multiplying or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I don't feel that he's "below" me, I just feel that he would not make a good romantic partner for me.
You mention that you only don't want them as romantic partners, but call them bottom of the barrel losers. So ... that is truly how you feel about these people.

This thread reminds me of a GOP debate, where the candidate contradicts or 'conveniently forgot' something he did or said years ago. Except for you, it was 5 posts ago!

If it was just the fact that enough men didn't meet your standards, this thread would be a non-issue. You might not have even got a response, it's such a trad topic.
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