Question about same sex friendships and co dependency (married, woman, older)

[rlrl]

recently i had been reading some online articles about bad friendships, and how you can recognize you are in a bad friendship because it makes you feel bad, depleted, drained, depressed, and that another way you can tell you are in a bad friendship is if you find it difficult to find space in a conversation for things you wanted to talk about with your friend because it's all about them

another curious point. one article said that all bad friendships are co dependent.

what does this mean? if there are no issues with substance abuse with either friend, how can a bad friendship be co-dependent?

[Katnan]

I think co-dependency may come into play with some friends, because listening to them moan and groan all the time, providing them support when instead they might need a kick in the butt, could be considered co-dependent.

I personally consider something like that enablement rather than co-dependency, because I might try to help that friend, or listen to them in their time of need (for some people that "time" goes on indefinitely), and this allows them to stay stuck in a bad place.

I'm not sure how old you are, but I just turned 40 and in the past 10 years, I've noticed I've become a lot more discriminating about my friendships, not willing to overextend myself for the sake of a friend's problems. I'm not willing to remain friends with someone who is soul-sucking, just because we've been friends for a long time. Only you can decide, but if you have a friend who you dread talking to, avoid talking to, isn't adding anything positive to your life but rather is a downer and always negative, you may need to step back to preserve your own sanity.

[rlrl]

i'm older than you, but i was just curious about a friendship that ended a long time ago and whether or not it was co dependent. from what you posted it seemed like it was. i was probably the moaner and groaner and he was the friend that was going places in life. but i didn't like his demeanor toward me(condescending, elitist) and i just ended it after 4 years. and a funny thing happened. my life suddenly got better after it ended. unfortunately i still have a problem with condescending elitists

good point Liberty I never thought of this before

[1208]

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body,
but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- The Buddha

[rlrl]

oh, sincere he was--very sincere in pointing out ALL my faults and inconsistencies and mistakes(like the fact that i transferred 3 colleges and still couldn't decide what i wanted to do with my life because i was having so many other problems)

you couldn't tell him anything he didn't know already, he hated people who were under educated and ignorant, but married a woman who had nothing more than high school. when he got her pregnant, he wanted her to have an abortion. when she told him she was a devout Catholic and would not have the abortion,, he claimed to have no idea she was a devout Catholic and had to go to a psychiatrist

i always wondered why he would have to see a shrink for that

and i was the "stupid" one...

[Huckleberry3911948]

1st you would have to know what a codependent is.
see link.
as a rule people that do way too much for others and dont take care of themselves.
read patterns and characteristics.

http://www.sdccoda.org/

[rlrl]

good link. well for me in that friendship i could definitely say i often didn't want to know how i felt(bad) when he said something nasty to me