How to know if someone has too many "issues"??? (dates, guy)

[virgode]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

If she is cute and smart and fun to be with, yet she is still on the vine, then I see this as trouble. A lot of other men have already taken a pass, for whatever reason, and if I were you I would too.

Perhaps it were she who passed.

[Sweet Like Sugar]

Originally Posted by Doll Eyes

I just think people in general are nonchalant about STDs because there's medication for them. for example, I read online where men were saying "Well, HIV isn't the death sentence it used to be because of all of the advancement in the medications for it." ...Okay. But who wants it regardless??

HPV is complicated but I refer back to what I said, just not something I'd be terribly interested in today. But who knows I didn't think I would be back then either.

No, I agree and I'm not nonchalant about STDs at all. I definitely don't want HPV or anything else, but I feel like the only way you can completely avoid HPV (assuming you didn't get the vaccine) is by never having sex or only having sex with people who you know for a fact don't have it and aren't exposing themselves to it.

I'm not sure if the OP's friend just volunteered that she has herpes, but I wonder how many people even ask for STD results before becoming intimate with someone. I've only been intimate with one person and I only required him to test for HIV because that's what I was most worried about and that was the only thing that I was also willing to get tested for. Being a virgin though, I didn't feel there was a need for me to get tested for anything else but maybe there was a small chance that I might've contracted HIV through a medical procedure or something.

STDs are definitely not something to take lightly.

[katykat01]

I was under the impression that it can't be caught unless symptoms are active, but maybe I'm wrong.

The virus is always in your system and may be active, even without sores, so you actually never know when a person is shedding the virus. Using a condom won't prevent you from contracting herpes, since the virus is shed in the genitalia area. So I'd think long and hard about having sex with her and what that means for your health. In fact, Google the long-term effects of herpes because it can amount to more than one break out per year, especially as you age and it manifests in different ways.

A friend of mine dated a guy with herpes, but she felt this was the guy she was going to spend her life with, so she had sex with him (used a condom) when he didn't have an outbreak and had her first outbreak thereafter. She said it was very painful. I'm not saying write this girl off, but consider the consequences if this relationship doesn't work out and you already have some concerns.

Regarding the bulimia and surgeries, she clearly has image issues and may have some self-esteem issues. I have another friend with these same issues. Lovely, awesome person! She's been free from bulimia for maybe 5 years. Some people continue to struggle with it, others walk away from it. Kind of like alcohol or drugs. So maybe figure out where she stands with these issues before having sex.

[Sweet Like Sugar]

Originally Posted by katykat01

A friend of mine dated a guy with herpes, but she felt this was the guy she was going to spend her life with, so she had sex with him (used a condom) when he didn't have an outbreak and had her first outbreak thereafter. She said it was very painful.

That's awful.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by SeattleCat

I met someone and started dating a few weeks ago. Nothing too serious yet, just a handful of dates. Anyways, this person is really funny, articulate, lots of shared interests, successful professionally, beautiful, has lots of friends and is close to parents, siblings, etc. I have some friends that know her that say she is a really cool person (in fact, a mutual friend told me over the weekend how "sweet" she is) but there are a few pretty major red flags that are giving me some pause as to whether to continue...

1. She just gave up smoking. Using the patch. She said she had not smoked since we started going out. I don't like to be around smoke personally and would not consider it a deal breaker if someone was a former smoker, but I hear smoking is incredibly difficult to quit.

2. She told me when she was younger she was boulemic and was in therapy for a couple of years, but has not had this issue for over 10 years. Is this something that a person deals with forever like alcohol or drug abuse???

3. She has had a boob job and tummy tuck and said she plans on getting a nose job or a facelift someday. I'm not sure if she is serious, but I figure she probably is since she got the other two.

4. This is the biggest to me because this is something that could affect me forever...she said she tested positive for herpes when she was a teenager but has taken medication to control it for years...She says she has an outbreak about once a year which consists of some redness on her back but other than that has not had symptoms for years. I realize lots of people have herpes and can have relationships with people who don't and the partner without it doesn't necessarily get it with precautions but still....I know I do not have it as I was tested after a scare with my last partner and was negative.


Anyways, I know once you get into your late 30's a lot of us have a past. I am certainly not a perfect person and I have made a ton of mistakes. Should I talk to her about my misgivings or just see how things play out? Run away or give it a chance moving very slowly?

If you've got to post her "issues" and ask a forum....
Run...do her the favor now.

Why don't you tell us about your issues

[Doll Eyes]

Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar

No, I agree and I'm not nonchalant about STDs at all. I definitely don't want HPV or anything else, but I feel like the only way you can completely avoid HPV (assuming you didn't get the vaccine) is by never having sex or only having sex with people who you know for a fact don't have it and aren't exposing themselves to it.

I'm not sure if the OP's friend just volunteered that she has herpes, but I wonder how many people even ask for STD results before becoming intimate with someone. I've only been intimate with one person and I only required him to test for HIV because that's what I was most worried about and that was the only thing that I was also willing to get tested for. Being a virgin though, I didn't feel there was a need for me to get tested for anything else but maybe there was a small chance that I might've contracted HIV through a medical procedure or something.

STDs are definitely not something to take lightly.

well I avoid it by not having sex at all, can't trust anything they say as to who they are sleeping with anyways....Also I don't know how many people get STD testing before they are intimate, I certainly would (if I was). I assume the majority of people don't do this. I agree there wasn't any need for you to get tested for anything else.

[Lazer22]

Why are some of you saying she has an STD? The OP never mentioned her having genital herpes, so why are people assuming she has it? She could have oral herpes which is extremely common. Look at the statistics.

He did mention that she said it manifested itself by redness on her back. I've never heard of that, but my doctor once told me of a case where a boy who had an outbreak bit his sister on the shoulder and she had recurring blisters in that area. That boy had oral herpes, so that's what he transmitted to his sister.

[Sweet Like Sugar]

Originally Posted by Lazer22

She could have oral herpes which is extremely common. Look at the statistics.

I was under the impression that oral herpes can be transferred to the genitals. I know it's common, but I personally have never had a cold sore in my life.

[rego00123]

when the issues ARE the person and her issues are not just part of her life.
but more importantly when my gut tells me im in for nothing but trouble...you have to learn to look passed your google eyes and see people for what they really are

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Lazer22

Why are some of you saying she has an STD? The OP never mentioned her having genital herpes, so why are people assuming she has it? She could have oral herpes which is extremely common. Look at the statistics.

He did mention that she said it manifested itself by redness on her back. I've never heard of that, but my doctor once told me of a case where a boy who had an outbreak bit his sister on the shoulder and she had recurring blisters in that area. That boy had oral herpes, so that's what he transmitted to his sister.

Exactly - good call.

What "manifested on her back" was likely shingles, not genital herpes

And while both shingles and herpes can at times be very painful, millions of people live with this virus in their body and never have it be a big deal (many don't even know they have it).

Herpes alone is simply not a good enough reason to eliminate a love interest.