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I let myself be aware of the fact that I find someone attractive or unattractive while I interact with them, so that I don't subconsciously treat them worse based on my personal opinion of their physical appearance. I tell myself mentally "man that person is just so ugly" (knowing it's just my opinion) and then remind myself not to let that factor into how I treat the person.
It's unfortunate but true that most people are nicer to beautiful people over unappealing people. However, beauty is something that each person categorizes and identifies differently. I know plenty of people who I feel are unattractive, fall in love with others who I feel are attractive. What matters is who they see as beautiful.
But anyway, back on topic. I think it's only natural for people to pay more attention to/be friendlier to people they view as beautiful. Physical looks do play a significant role. They often are the decision maker when deciding to give someone the time of day or to just politely pass by and not look or exchange greetings.
I don't believe that's what I said. A question was asked and it wasn't posted by me.
I'm with Sierra on this. There is no need to crucify her for saying what we all know. You can get in a huff about it, but we all know that the world in general is going to treat attractive people better than those who are not so. It is what it is. We can sit here and pretend it's not that way and slap each other on the back and say it's not true, but how does that help the OP?
OP, I know you came here looking for something positive. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need a little uplifting from time to time. But we can't change the way people judge others. We can only change ourselves and the way we think. The way we treat others, not how they treat us. Whether it be looks, intellect or talent, we all got the short straw somewhere. And I can assure you that we've all felt the sting of that shortcoming at one time or another. My advice would be to look at your strengths, and relish in those. What do you bring to the table that an attractive person doesn't? I've met some people that would in no way ever be confused as beautiful. Only to meet them and see a radiating personality that was uplifting and a joy to be around. I'm willing to bet you have too. That is something that can be achieved and can reap plenty of benefits in its self.
Physical beauty will always be admired and uplifted, but remember, it fades. From a shiny car to a supermodel, usually the first thing that goes, is the "looks".
It's unfortunate but true that most people are nicer to beautiful people over unappealing people. However, beauty is something that each person categorizes and identifies differently. I know plenty of people who I feel are unattractive, fall in love with others who I feel are attractive. What matters is who they see as beautiful.
But anyway, back on topic. I think it's only natural for people to pay more attention to/be friendlier to people they view as beautiful. Physical looks do play a significant role. They often are the decision maker when deciding to give someone the time of day or to just politely pass by and not look or exchange greetings.
I'll be more willing to touch someone I know well if I also happen to find them attractive (in a blind way, not a sexual way). But I consciously examine myself during my interactions with people I find unattractive so that I don't end up being less nice. I'm willing to be as nice to someone. Some of my favorite people are people I find incredibly unattractive. Two of my closest friends are amazing people, but I find them so unattractive I can't bring myself to touch them more than I have to. I do have a very deep and meaningful relationship with both of them, though.
I think it's undeniable we all hold opinions about everyone we know in regards to their attractiveness, but I don't think that necessarily means we all treat them better or worse because of it. Some people know how to catch themselves before they mistreat someone, and others don't. Some people also know how to compartmentalize appearance from personality and treat people based on personality. I don't think it's fair to say everyone is friendlier to people they view as more beautiful.
Last edited by nimchimpsky; 04-11-2012 at 08:00 AM..
Actually, from what I've seen, "beautiful" people are often blessed & cursed. People can be mean to beautiful people for just that reason, they're beautiful.
"Beautiful" people have all these hidden/false assumptions about them and I feel are sometimes treated lesser than the "unattractive" people
Really super attractive people make me uncomfortable. I am not sure why. Sometimes I get over it, sometimes I just avoid them.
When I was dating, I would pay more attention to people that I found attractive. However I would not be rude or dismissive to others. In fact, I discovered that one of the best ways to impress an attractive gal was to be really nice to her unattractive friend(s). Nice does not mean flirty, but simply given them attention and letting them know that their thoughts and comments are important too. It is difficult when the person is unattractive because they are stupid, or pushy or something. Often people who think they are unattractive have self esteem problems that make them more unattractive. When people sit there and bash on themselves, it just makes me uncomfortable and wanting to get away. I remember when I met my wife she was with a friend. I went to walk them both home and her friend said "That is Ok, maybe I will get lucky and someone wll rape me on the way home" I do not know whether that was supposed to engender pity or what, but it made me feel awful and uncomfrtable. Rather than a nice walk, we all walked to her place in uncomfortable silence. It was awful and I hoped to never encounter her again. On the way to my wifes place, I told her that she should try to convince her friend to get therapy.
Now that I am not dating, I look at people differently. Anyone is a possible new friend. If a woman is not attractive, there is a better chance that she could be a friend without aggravating my wife. I am probably more apt to strike up a conversation with an unattractive woman than an attractive one. Attractive women seem to always think that you are trying to pick them up. Whenever I talk with a woman I try to hold my left hand with my wedding ring in clear view to make it clear that I am just being freindly, not looking for a date or a quickie, but still many attractive women frequently mistake a greeting or a joke as a pick up effort. That gets annoying.
The excpetion is people who are unattractive because they stink. Bad breath, or body odor. I am unusually sensative to odor and if someone smells bad, I just want to get as far away from them as possible. Smokers, and especially smokers who are heavy coffeee drinkers may find me stand offish. However the real reason is I am trying not to gag from the smell.
"Attractive" is all relative. I have always preferred very small women. (short and slender, but curvy). However the standard of attractiveness is really tall, long legged and stick like. (Not for me). I have friends who prefer overweight girls, underweight girls, sharp face girls, broad faced girls, some like the bowling alley chick look (big hair, tons of make up), some like very natural women, some like the plastic surgury look, it all varies. I know at least two guys who opnly like really really heavy girls. One of them is athletic and pretty good looking (now married). I think pretty much everyone is attractive to someone. It is just a matter of finding that someone.
I remember when I met my wife she was with a friend. I went to walk them both home and her friend said "That is Ok, maybe I will get lucky and someone will rape me on the way home" I do not know whether that was supposed to engender pity or what, but it made me feel awful and uncomfortable.
That's an extremely awkward comment.
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The excpetion is people who are unattractive because they stink. Bad breath, or body odor. I am unusually sensative to odor and if someone smells bad, I just want to get as far away from them as possible. Smokers, and especially smokers who are heavy coffeee drinkers may find me stand offish. However the real reason is I am trying not to gag from the smell.
I have to admit, I really have a hard time with B.O. and cigarette smoke. First off, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke and start coughing uncontrollably, getting nauseous, and dizzy. On top of that, B.O. triggers flashbacks for me. It's hard to really be present with someone when I'm having flashbacks.
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I think pretty much everyone is attractive to someone. It is just a matter of finding that someone.
Well, I'm trying to hook up with the person I'm attracted to, so of course I'll act differently towards them.
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