Why is it so hard for a woman to say "No, I'm not interested" (ugly, psycho)

[2mares]

Originally Posted by texas69

I just started a thread...but this is how i feel about it

Hello, recently I have decided to try to date again and because I am shy about meeting people out in clubs and bars(it always seems awkward) I have tried the internet. Even with the internet though, I hardly get any responses. Recently I have had two women give me their numbers and when I would text, they would just quit talking to me. No reason. Why can't women just say, "hey, sorry I am not interested" Both women gave me their number without me asking for it so I thought that they were. Why do women do this? It's really aggravating! I would prefer a person to be totally honest and just tell me to my face(and maybe what i did wrong so i would know) than have someone string me along

The other thing, is that while dating women seem to have an INEXHAUSTABLE list of things that they want in a man. This is also frustrating because if i have to bring all these things to the table(must have:car,place, good job, financially stable, fun, good conversation, good looking, good personality, no felonies, no drugs) then you should bring something to besides just your body and what you THINK that I want(i.e. sex) Is it just me or am I doing someone wrong here?

Ok, well
you stopped dating and your going to try to again-lacks confidence

your shy and feel awkward and use internet sites then complain about what the women are seeking in a man. Iv'e never internet dated but arent you suspose to list what your looking for in a person?

You text instead of speaking

You have an attitude that women are asking too much of you while not having anything to offer except sex

You THINK you know what Im thinking you want, Your not upfront and honest about what you want in a woman.

[FrmlyBklyn]

Originally Posted by 2mares

In my case all three examples were people I already had a social relationship with and I never gave them signials. I agree people should be able to be upfront. People should not have to be verbally abused for being up front or have to explain themselves or be the persons relationship coach.

So guys, when a woman your not interested in asks you out or dogs you, what do you say to her? Iv seen guys do the same thing women. Ive had guy friends that have asked me to pretend we were together infront of a girl they were trying to dodge instead of just telling her they werent interested.

I've only turned down 2 girls and each time I just said "thank you but I'm not interested" - no problem, they accepted it and moved on. I treat people the way I expect to be treated - I'm not here to be strung along and I don't string others along.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by Rabbitluvr

Never have had that happen. Why? Because I give any woman who approaches me a chance*. If it works out, terrific. If not, no big deal. At least I was able to spend some time with another person.

* - as long as they are 'age-appropriate' and not morbidly obese or anorexic. Sorry, but I do have some criteria.

You talk out of both sides of your mouth. So how do you handle the *.

[Rabbitluvr]

Originally Posted by 2mares

You talk out of both sides of your mouth. So how do you handle the *.

WRONG. That is not 'talking out of both sides'. It's called having standards and we all have 'em.

How do I handle the '*'? A polite 'no thank you' will suffice. Fortunately, I have not been in that situation YET.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by RocketRacoon

It is really that simple. Rejection is a part of life and there are plenty of fish in the sea. So why is it so hard for women who get asked out whether while they are at work, a grocery store, or some random place to simply tell a guy who asks them out that they are not interested. Women often lie to men at clubs if they aren't interested, like oh I have a boyfriend/married, and other excuses. Why can't they do the same thing to men they are not interested while they are in public.

I know many women will give excuses that the guy will ask "why" and other questions and I'll say that is complete and utter nonsense. They start asking "why" usually when you give them your phone number for no reason utter than to play mind games with them and finally tell them that they are no longer interested. I tell my guy friends that many women use guys as backup and you don't want to do that so when you meet her again just tell her if she is interested or not. So women, next time a man asks you out and you just don't see the physical attraction, vibe, or confidence from the guy, simply say "No/I'm sorry not interested. His ego and confidence might hurt for a day, but he'll be alright. Better this than probably unleashing prolonged sadness from continued attempted failures without you giving him any indication that you are not interested.

I gave up on explanations a long time ago. You say it's complete and utter nonsense for women to tell you that men will ask "why," but I've been through it enough to say that your thoughts on that are what is complete and utter nonsense. Many, many men just don't understand, "No, thank you." They come off with an attitude like if you're single, you should want to give them a chance.

Therefore, a) I don't put myself in situations where a man could even begin to get the mistaken impression that I'm interested (ie, if someone tries to strike up a conversation at, say, a grocery store, I am polite but distant and physically remove myself from the situation), and b) when single, not interested, and held captive (ie, stuck on line at a bank), I still say I am seeing someone, even if I'm not. "I'm seeing someone" seems to be the only thing that all men understand, and I have neither the time to stand there figuring out whether the guy will simply accept "no thanks" nor the inclination to explain myself to some stranger if he doesn't.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by Yzette

I gave up on explanations a long time ago. You say it's complete and utter nonsense for women to tell you that men will ask "why," but I've been through it enough to say that your thoughts on that are what is complete and utter nonsense. Many, many men just don't understand, "No, thank you." They come off with an attitude like if you're single, you should want to give them a chance.

Therefore, a) I don't put myself in situations where a man could even begin to get the mistaken impression that I'm interested (ie, if someone tries to strike up a conversation at, say, a grocery store, I am polite but distant and physically remove myself from the situation), and b) when single, not interested, and held captive (ie, stuck on line at a bank), I still say I am seeing someone, even if I'm not. "I'm seeing someone" seems to be the only thing that all men understand, and I have neither the time to stand there figuring out whether the guy will simply accept "no thanks" nor the inclination to explain myself to some stranger if he doesn't.

Well said. There are lots of guys out there who won't take no for an answer, so the one they will take has to be used. It's unfortunate, but I'm sure it happens quite often. Part of the "why", however, is that in the movies this kind of persistence pays off and is admired.It's considered romantic to just keep on and on. But the real world doesn't quite work that way, nor should it.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

Oh okay, I see what you mean. I think women do that because it boosts their ego to have a guy around they know is interested, so they don't want to totally dismiss the guy. Definitely not a cool thing to do.

Speaking for myself, no.

It was in NO WAY comfortable to have to avoid certain places to avoid being approached and made uncomfortable (small town, limited stores/restaurants), it was in no way an ego boost to have somebody showing up at my workplace and asking if I wanted to go to lunch, and it was certainly no fun having him ask me out in front of his two small daughters, thinking that I would say yes so as to avoid looking like the big meanie who won't go out with daddy. No, not something that I invited or appreciated. No. Just no.

[itshim]

Hey I can understand why some women use a softer blow when they respond to guys approaching them.

Some men are just completely unpredictable. For some guys saying something as brutally honest as "sorry I'm just not interested" sounds aggresively judgemental. I'm not so sure too many guys could handle that.

[yellowsnow]

Women are nurturers, care takers. It's not easy for many of us to say things that people don't want to hear.

Personally, I would rather be the rejectee than be the rejecter. I hate doing or saying things that could hurt someone. I know it's hard to put yourself out there and ask.

[jobaba]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

Women are nurturers, care takers. It's not easy for many of us to say things that people don't want to hear.

Personally, I would rather be the rejectee than be the rejecter. I hate doing or saying things that could hurt someone. I know it's hard to put yourself out there and ask.

Uh... NO YOU WOULDN'T!