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Question: if you're single, why not just say "yes"? What are some reasons that you ladies are saying "no"?
Hmm, should they have to have (let alone give) a reason?
And let's ask ourselves a question while we're at it:
Why doesn't the "no" turn us off, regardless?
Pretending "good reason" isn't subjective, for argument's sake:
If she's got a good reason why we shouldn't date, then obviously it means I shouldn't date her. If she doesn't have a good reason, then she's the type to act in contrast with how she should be acting. So I'm better off with someone else who will do what she should.
A "no", in my mind, means "I should not date this girl". Something short of that? Depends. So it does bring up another question: Where's the line between a girl playing hard to get and a girl being genuinely not interested?
Hmm, should they have to have (let alone give) a reason?
And let's ask ourselves a question while we're at it:
Why doesn't the "no" turn us off, regardless?
Pretending "good reason" isn't subjective, for argument's sake:
If she's got a good reason why we shouldn't date, then obviously it means I shouldn't date her. If she doesn't have a good reason, then she's the type to act in contrast with how she should be acting. So I'm better off with someone else who will do what she should.
A "no", in my mind, means "I should not date this girl". Something short of that? Depends. So it does bring up another question: Where's the line between a girl playing hard to get and a girl being genuinely not interested?
That's how I feel, that no one is owed a reason. If you break it down, it's one stranger asking another stranger a question. The answer received is "no". So that is your answer, you're not entitled to anything further from them, let alone an explanation.
As for playing hard to get versus not interested, again, two strangers speaking, "no" is not playing hard to get, it's not interested.
Someone who is "playing hard to get" is likely someone that you already have a connection with, and who is interested in you as well, but not wanting to let on or appear over-eager or needy. It's a bit of a mating ritual dance.
I am a guy who prefers getting "No, I'm not interested" over an excuse like "I am too busy" or "I am not looking to date anyone right now" or especially "I have a boyfriend (but in reality doesn't.)" That said, the actions of egotistical and downright rude men are to blame, I believe, for many women who use the go-around as opposed to the straight shot. Rejection is never pleasant, but to reference the movie "Moneyball," do you want to painfully shoot someone in the body several times or once in the head? Just make it quick and clean.
I think rejection someone either straightforward or with an "excuse" depends on who you are rejecting and where you are. If you are at a bar, club or some other public place and a random person that you're not interested in asks you out, I believe it is appropriate to give an excuse. You don't know this person, you don't owe him anything, so there's really no harm in doing that. However, if the person who asks you out if someone that you've known for some time, or is a friend that became attracted to you and asked you out, in that case I believe you should be honest. You don't owe anyone a date, but I do believe if the person is a friend you do owe him an honest answer. You don't need to say why you aren't attracted to him (too short, heavy, skinny, like bad movies and music, whatever,) just simply say you are flattered but not interested.
The problem is that the type of men who ask women out in the street are generally in the "bad boy" category and they are also the types who will get aggressive and defensive (filled with testosterone, big ego etc.). If you took a sample of all men, including the ones who never approach women (so that's way more than half of men I'd wager, me included) you'd find they would never even consider pressing her for a reason or arguing she is "wrong". Of course the answer for that is for more men to grow a pair of balls and ask women out, then women would realise most men aren't likely to get aggressive following a rejection.
Personally I have learnt to gauge a woman's reaction. I've done a lot of internet dating and met girls socially at parties or whatever (rather than in the street) and it's very obvious whether a girl is really interested. Her eyes will light up if she is. Any wavering or bull**** and it's no go, move on to the next one.
And I totally get why women lie, it doesn't really bother me. "I've got a boyfriend" is perfectly acceptable. It saves embarrassment and awkwardness and the guy can go away thinking he could have had her if she was single. Everyone's a winner.
* - as long as they are 'age-appropriate' and not morbidly obese or anorexic. Sorry, but I do have some criteria
How is that not talking out of both sides of your mouth. You never have that problem because you would give any woman a chance, but you have never had a woman approach you. You would say yes to any woman EXCEPT an old one, fat one, skinny one, ugly one or any one your not attracted to.
Pick one already.
No, I have had women approach me... all of them have been 'age-appropriate', etc. I have NEVER had a woman who has not fit my criteria approach me YET.
And I do not have an issue with 'fat' women - just those that are morbidly obese. Plenty of 'heavy' women out there who are not considered morbidly obese and are attractive to me.
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