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Old 04-11-2012, 06:54 PM
 
2,343 posts, read 1,836,337 times
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I was just thinking about this today. I know that relationships go through stages. I think the stages come at different times in the relationship for everyone, but they are mostly the same "type" of stages. Does love ebb and flow with the relationship stages? Or do you always love someone but at different intensities?

I got to thinking about this when I was meeting up with some older couples that have been together a while at my parents' get together. It seems that we are all aware of the 50%+ divorce rate in this country, but for the couples that do stay together, what is it that gets them past those "stages" vs. the ones that call it quits. Do they just turn a blind eye to a straying spouse, do they focus on other things, or do they truly follow the "'till death do us part." I'm not saying that all couples that break up are due to cheating. I'm going under the assumption that all "normal" couples have tough spots that could make or break the relationship. What keeps it going when you don't think you have more to give? True love?
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:52 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 4,032,692 times
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Yes, it does ebb and flow.

A relationship is a living, breathing thing, if you stop feeding it, it dies.

Many people forget this.
Also many have unrealistic expectations, and if they hit an ebb, they simply walk away, rather than deciding to nurture it.
The flow won't necessarily return on it's own, you may have to help it
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Old 04-12-2012, 04:08 AM
 
3,062 posts, read 4,154,715 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
Yes, it does ebb and flow.

A relationship is a living, breathing thing, if you stop feeding it, it dies.

Many people forget this.
Also many have unrealistic expectations, and if they hit an ebb, they simply walk away, rather than deciding to nurture it.
The flow won't necessarily return on it's own, you may have to help it
Very true. People give up too easily.

"What keeps it going when you don't think you have more to give?" I would have to say commitment and understanding that every relationship has ups and downs, and the bad patch (barring abuse, infidelity and utter neglect) will pass if you stay positive and loving and kind and don't go off the rails.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:22 AM
 
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Yes.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:45 AM
 
Location: 'Shangri-La 'mountains west of Wolf Creek, Oregon
12,653 posts, read 8,896,938 times
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Love, respect, communication, helps keep a relationship healthy, growing.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Anywhere but here
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Sometimes people just aren't right for each other or one person does something the other can't forgive (cheating, whatever) and things don't work out, but I feel like most times people just give up instead of putting in the hard work to keep things going.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:05 AM
 
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If you marry the right person for you, divorce is almost never even considered. If you truly love the other person, infidelity isn't happening, even in a 30, 40 or 50 year marriage. Of course you go through rough patches, but when you have a shared history of countless cherished experiences, you stay together through the occasional bad times. Marry your best friend and you generally won't have so many issues.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:12 AM
 
25,080 posts, read 26,865,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
Yes, it does ebb and flow.

A relationship is a living, breathing thing, if you stop feeding it, it dies.

Many people forget this.
Also many have unrealistic expectations, and if they hit an ebb, they simply walk away, rather than deciding to nurture it.
The flow won't necessarily return on it's own, you may have to help it
This.

Look, I think that a huge problem today is romantic comedies. The bride walks down the aisle, they get hitched, and "The End" dissolves onto screen. So everybody thinks this is the finish line, when it is really the starting blocks.

When money is tight, when the kids are sucking up all your time and energy, when work is not going well, when the dog is sick, when the gutters need cleaning, when the transmission needs to be replace, the rush of love tends to take a back seat to the business of maintaining a life together.

It's not always fun. It's not always rainbows and butterflies. A relationship can be, to be perfectly honest, a lot of hard work. Because it's easy to date. It's easy to kiss your love goodbye and head back to your own place and your own life for a day or two until you see that person again. It's another thing entirely when you have to deal with the business of accommodating another person suddenly living with you.

The race is long and hard and sometimes not so fun. But if you both have the same approach to matters, if you both put the health of the relationship above either of your personal needs, it's always worth it.
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Old 04-12-2012, 04:17 PM
 
Location: NY
6,194 posts, read 5,341,610 times
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A marriage lasts through a desire to make it last, and a lot of effort put into making it last. Emotions and feelings do ebb and flow, but your love for your spouse really needs to be more of a constant. To remember you love your spouse, and why, during more trying times and let that love motivate yourself to work through the issues, find compromises, come out stronger on the other side and maintain the closeness of the relationship.
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Old 04-12-2012, 06:02 PM
 
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katestar...I've never had to turn a blind eye to my spouse cheating (that would probably be the end of our marriage)...I don't focus on other things either...it's always best to deal with issues right away.....sometimes we trully disagree about some things....but never anything real serious....and if worse comes to worse....I'll usually clam up (I know...not good)....until I've simmered down and realize that it's a fight that doesn't need to happen....I've been with my mate now for 37 years....there's ups and downs...but because of the respect and love we have for each other, it just gets stronger and stronger....I also feel that when children are involved, if you can live through raising the little ones....when they've all left home...the grass gets exceptionally greener....plus.....why would I want to start training a new one all over?( couldn't resist that)
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