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Wow. Whoa! Being married or in a relationship doesn't mean being joined at the hip. If my S.O. doesn't want to do the same things I want to do, I don't "make" him do them. I like going to art galleries and nosing through book stores. He likes running, biking and camping with the guys. We don't have to share these activities. He's flying across the pond to visit his parents soon — but I'm not going. They're his parents. I'm sure I'll meet them when they come to the states.
He needs his own free time to be himself and hang out with his guy buds — because that's precisely why I chose him, because of all of the things he does that make him independent, and uniquely so. I don't ever want him to turn into someone I don't recognize. I don't want a lap dog who runs my errands and does my bidding. I can shop for my own damn salad stuff, if I feel that's necessary. Yeesh!
I would, however, be really bummed if he stops wanting to have a lot of sex. It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but yeah ... that would be disappointing.
Exactly. The best thing we can do for our partners is to encourage them to do the things that they love! Sometimes those things will include us, and many times they won't. Are we all so insecure we have to be joined at the hip? I know there are a ton of women who won't "let" their men do things. But these same men are "allowing" their women to brow-beat them into submission. So they should look at their own beta behaviors!
We were posting about the same thing around the same time.
We've been over this, having a relationship is no barometer of growing up.
Ain't that the truth. It seems women, and many members of society in relationships, chide those not in relationships as if they are immature and irresponsible. Some might me miserable and jealous. You'll never know.
I am not married. I have been married, and felt like a slave. Work 40 hours a week, and come home and work some more. While my husband watches tv and naps all weekend. He expected the standards of a stay at home Mom, with the benefits of a wife working full time...meaning more money.
Single, and very happy. Not looking for the slave ring again.
I can't blame you for the way you feel. But, with all due respect, are you making light of what a slave went through? You need to understand, most slaves would've loved for someone to marry them. I mean, was your religion, language, or full name taken away? Was your culture and history erased? Were you forced to make a delicacy, out of things that aren't healthy? Were you raped, or killed? I mean, the very fact that you were allowed to come and go, as you wished, gave you far more privileges than a slave. I think people need to understand and realize how bad slavery really was. It's in a class by itself, and a bad marriage will never compare to it. I'm sure you meant nothing by it. But, still... that's a terrible analogy. Shame on you.
I can't blame you for the way you feel. But, with all due respect, are you making light of what a slave went through? You need to understand, most slaves would've loved for someone to marry them. I mean, was your religion, language, or full name taken away? Was your culture and history erased? Were you forced to make a delicacy, out of things that aren't healthy? Were you raped, or killed? I mean, the very fact that you were allowed to come and go, as you wished, gave you far more privileges than a slave. I think people need to understand and realize how bad slavery really was. It's in a class by itself, and a bad marriage will never compare to it. I'm sure you meant nothing by it. But, still... that's a terrible analogy. Shame on you.
I'm assuming that the poster you quoted is using the word "slave" as a figure of speech.
My own marriage was terribly lopsided in his favor. We both worked 40 hours a week, but I was expected to pick up, clean up, cook, organize, entertain and do all of the domestic grunt work while he relaxed and read his damned "Economist."
Another LT S.O. DID expect me to do all of these things, but also cook gourmet cuisine for him every night, be his personal shopper and take care of everything around the house that went wrong (e.g., the A/C, car troubles, etc.) It was like living with a helpless, spoiled child. When I finally met a guy who does things 50-50, I almost didn't know how to deal with it.
So I can sort of relate, although I probably wouldn't refer to myself as a "slave." I mean, I did have a choice in the matter. Which is precisely why I made the choice to L-E-A-V-E.
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I don't pretend to know the future. You could be right.
