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But there are certain types of information ("I slept with a 48 year old") that is irrelevant, and the fact that she's probing for this info is a red flag to me. It's not quite the same as, "I have a pet iguana, love NASCAR, and I've never told anyone, but I like knitting, I find it relaxing".
I don't believe anything good can come from probing questions about past sexual relationships. I see it going one of two ways...she becomes insecure because of her lack of experience, or judgmental and condemning because of his experience. As long as he's not disease-ridden or a criminal, knowing specific details such as the ages of previous sexual encounters is not innocent sharing, it's pure nosiness and not anyone's "right" to know, IMO.
Completely agree. All it does is mess with your head & cause problems, always thinking about and imagining the people your bf or gf slept with....It's an unhealthy preoccupation.
Guys/gals, feel free to let me know if I'm doing something wrong. I can take it, no big deal. I'm just trying to understand if I need to change something about me. I am an introvert at times, especially when it comes to emotions and I am trying to change that part of me, but I can never see myself being all lovey dovey and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That's not me. I rarely argue with people, can't even remember the last time I had an argument with someone.
Guys/gals, feel free to let me know if I'm doing something wrong. I can take it, no big deal. I'm just trying to understand if I need to change something about me. I am an introvert at times, especially when it comes to emotions and I am trying to change that part of me, but I can never see myself being all lovey dovey and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That's not me. I rarely argue with people, can't even remember the last time I had an argument with someone.
Well, it does sound as if you may come across as emotionless and aloof, which in turn makes her feel insecure.
The biggest thing that bugged me was "well you didn't tell me you slept with a 48 year old" and I honestly thought it's not something I would go around and tell people. It was just sex. She asked, I answered. I didn't think it was a big deal. It's not like I was hiding it from her, I don't go around wearing a shirt saying I slept with someone twice my age.
She has big insecurities. Are you ready for all that? One person has a past, the other doesn't...tedious.
There's no getting around the insecurity a virgin will have when dating someone with experience. That is just something that comes with the territory, especially in young people.
I'm just wondering what the OP sees in her, and if he realizes that if she sleeps with him, it may very well be a bigger deal to her than it is to him. That's going to cause a world of problems if she's not secure in his interest.
Guys/gals, feel free to let me know if I'm doing something wrong. I can take it, no big deal. I'm just trying to understand if I need to change something about me. I am an introvert at times, especially when it comes to emotions and I am trying to change that part of me, but I can never see myself being all lovey dovey and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. That's not me. I rarely argue with people, can't even remember the last time I had an argument with someone.
Honey~ you don't change yourself for another! You are who you are. The trick is to find someone whose crazy matches your crazy. haha, seriously, you cannot change to make her feel more secure. That is how long-term resentment builds !!!
Well, it does sound as if you may come across as emotionless and aloof, which in turn makes her feel insecure.
But I'm not. We go out, we hold hands, we smile, we laugh, we do all the things a "normal couple" does. We have a lot of fun together. I'm just trying to figure out what it is she wants. She asked me awhile back that I could always talk to her about anything and then she proceeded to ask me if there was something I wanted to talk about, and I said no not really. Do I need to make something up? There's no drama in my life, work isn't stressing me out, I've got an awesome group of friends around me and not a care in the world.
Ah. Okay. Yikes. I thought maybe she was 21 and you were 30 or so. If she was 20 or 21, I'd chalk her questions up to naivete. I also thought that if you were a bit older than she is, she might have been asking almost as a form of learning, not just about you, but about relationships in general. Sometimes young, inexperienced women ask questions of more worldly partners without realizing how unprepared they might be for the answers.
But you two are peers and she's no babe in the woods. She should know by now that she's bound to run into guys who have more experience than she does, and that grilling them on that particular reality is going to get her answers she may not want to hear, especially if she's self-conscious about her virginity. If she was snotty in her comment about "a 48-year-old," she might not be able to handle the truth.
But I'm not. We go out, we hold hands, we smile, we laugh, we do all the things a "normal couple" does. We have a lot of fun together. I'm just trying to figure out what it is she wants. She asked me awhile back that I could always talk to her about anything and then she proceeded to ask me if there was something I wanted to talk about, and I said no not really. Do I need to make something up? There's no drama in my life, work isn't stressing me out, I've got an awesome group of friends around me and not a care in the world.
Maybe your life is suspiciously good! Most of ours are not.
But I'm not. We go out, we hold hands, we smile, we laugh, we do all the things a "normal couple" does. We have a lot of fun together. I'm just trying to figure out what it is she wants. She asked me awhile back that I could always talk to her about anything and then she proceeded to ask me if there was something I wanted to talk about, and I said no not really. Do I need to make something up? There's no drama in my life, work isn't stressing me out, I've got an awesome group of friends around me and not a care in the world.
No, don't make things up.
However, maybe the type of sharing you could do is talking about your childhood, growing up, places you've travelled, interests and hobbies, sports, music, etc. Do you discuss current events at all, is she aware of the world?
Maybe I'm reading it wrong though but the impression I'm getting is she is looking for deep dark secrets that IMO, she's not entitled to know at this stage. Not always sexual but it comes across that she's looking for you to confide "things" to her, and at two months, she's on a need-to-know basis. Re-reading that, it sounds a bit crass but I'm struggling for the right words. I guess it just doesn't seem innocent, it seems more like a veiled investigation of you.
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Most of ours are not.
