Why online dating is futile (wife, female, attracted, young)

[supernaut112]

Originally Posted by Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus

The bulk of messages were from the really harmless "beta" types, who fawned over her, and acted as if they didn't have a shot in hell.

Um ... that's one of the ploys used by the hook-up artist.

Only some of them are obvious. I replied to several "normal" guys, and after a couple of exchanges, the mask dropped off.

[Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus]

Originally Posted by supernaut112

Um ... that's one of the ploys used by the hook-up artist.

Hmm. I don't agree. I'm really familiar with their tactics, and pretending to be a starstruck beta isn't one of them.

[Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus]

Originally Posted by LegalDiva

Those results don't surprise me in the least bit.

You have to consider the basic realities of each gender. There are women on these dating sites that will NEVER go out of their way to even VIEW men's profiles or message them. Half of the women who put up profiles, just post the pictures & a paragraph, and expect the messages to trickle into their inbox. I had 1 female friend who put up a profile on Match, and within a week she had about 50 messages. She told me she had ZERO time to even search for guys or randomly look at profiles because she was too busy reading her emails and messaging guys back & forth.

Women are more desirable at that age -- no question.

However I don't chalk the huge online disparity up to women's desirability, simply because it isn't that severe offline. There is something that makes online different.

[Free Beer]

Online dating is futile because any woman worth dating has plenty of opportunities presented to her every day and any dude worth dating is asking those women out. So what's left? Women with mental issues, or a plethora of deal-breakers like ex-husbands or kids or obesity; nonassertive men who are over-possessive and incapable of normal relationships. Or you get the married people who are cheating.

Anyone who says they "just don't have the time" to date but use dating sites are full of ****. Relationships and having a good personal life are paramount to true happiness. If you're unwilling to put in the effort required to make that happen then settling for some online chick/dude is what you gotta put up with.

[mir86]

Originally Posted by supernaut112

Um ... that's one of the ploys used by the hook-up artist.

Only some of them are obvious. I replied to several "normal" guys, and after a couple of exchanges, the mask dropped off.

the hook up artists always laid on the compliments either really thick or not at all. they never played the not having a shot in hell thing. Those were just the insecure guys which I also dropped. I don't need taht.

[Garfunkle524]

Worked out pretty well for me. I dated several people (all but one were what most people would classify as "normal") and am now in a great relationship. There are "rules" to online dating just like there are "rules" to approaching in the real world. They differ, so those who are unskilled in either will see it as futile. Like LegalDiva said, women set up a profile and wait for suitors to come to them. Men are still the ones to generally browse profiles and initiate contact.

Also worth noting, many women I've talked to can't get over their own view of online dating as "giving up" on the dating world. Like having a profile somehow says something negative about their desirability in the real world. This is old stigma and I certainly disagree with it. Why do you think so many women say in their profiles that "I'm totally not the type that usually does things like this"? Or maybe they come up with some other excuse to use the site in as minimal a way as possible (and make it well known to everyone who cares to contact them).

I've known many "normal", healthy, and desirable singles who have used websites with success. I've also known plenty of people to complain about it or admonish it. It's not for everyone I suppose.

[lovesthebass]

Originally Posted by Free Beer

Relationships and having a good personal life are paramount to true happiness. If you're unwilling to put in the effort required to make that happen then settling for some online chick/dude is what you gotta put up with.

Because those people are lesser beings, right?

[mir86]

Originally Posted by Garfunkle524

Worked out pretty well for me. I dated several people (all but one were what most people would classify as "normal") and am now in a great relationship. There are "rules" to online dating just like there are "rules" to approaching in the real world. They differ, so those who are unskilled in either will see it as futile. Like LegalDiva said, women set up a profile and wait for suitors to come to them. Men are still the ones to generally browse profiles and initiate contact.

Also worth noting, many women I've talked to can't get over their own view of online dating as "giving up" on the dating world. Like having a profile somehow says something negative about their desirability in the real world. This is old stigma and I certainly disagree with it. Why do you think so many women say in their profiles that "I'm totally not the type that usually does things like this"? Or maybe they come up with some other excuse to use the site in as minimal a way as possible (and make it well known to everyone who cares to contact them).

I've known many "normal", healthy, and desirable singles who have used websites with success. I've also known plenty of people to complain about it or admonish it. It's not for everyone I suppose.

To be honest, that's kinda how I felt, like I was giving up on dating the normal way and that I was too undesirable for men to approach me out and about. so ya, its embarrassing, especially when you're only 25, but I did suck it up and tried it. I might try it again later on, but it wasn't working for me. so its Not that I can't meet someone the normal way, its just not happening much anymore, even though I do go out all the time and socialize, getting approached by someone I'm attracted to is pretty rare for me.

[Amelorn]

Originally Posted by Cletus Awreetus-Awrightus

From what I could tell, "she" got her fair share of messages from good looking, normal acting, confident, desirable guys. The bulk of messages were from the really harmless "beta" types, who fawned over her, and acted as if they didn't have a shot in hell.

All in all I didn't get nearly as many "sexual" messages as I had expected.

Call me naive, but doesn't fawning over someone when you're just meeting someone (in this case the first message) come off as rather weighty and overwhelming? The only time fawning seems to work as a "pick up" is in an Arthurian romance, which should say it all. Also, wouldn't conveying "not having a shot in hell" get you written off self-confessed loser? This is, of course, assuming it is not an act.

[Free Beer]

Originally Posted by lovesthebass

Because those people are lesser beings, right?

Pretty much. People have been developing relationships and procreating for thousands of years without the internet, and a lot of them have been extremely busy. Technology is an inhibitor to a real relationship, not a help. Look at all the problems stuff like Facebook creates...