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This isn't a discussion about what the difference between 'infatuation' and being in love is. Well, I guess that is bound to be brought up yet again...I suppose the more I think about it, the more I think the word 'love' doesn't really have a place in the romantic world.
For me real love is 'agape' love, familial love, love between close friends - love that involves sacrificing for the other person, where their wellbeing is linked to your own.
Almost all romantic love, to me, is just strong infatuation - a sexual attraction, a strong crush. That's why I've liked girls but always felt it slightly silly to say I'm 'in love' with them.
To me, to be truly in love would require being with that person for a long time and/or knowing that person inside out, knowing their soul. Kind of where romantic and agape love meet.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We were joking on the way to work how silly in love we are. I almost fell out of bed (we have a huge bed) because he kinda pushed me off to the side trying to cuddle.
I do don't know his soul inside out. I don't know my own soul inside out. How could one ever know someone else like that?
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I'm not saying this doesn't exist, but it's not something I've personally experienced.
I believe most relationships today are based on a combination of lust and butterflies in the stomach type high-schoolish love. There is no stronger foundation than that, that's why they come and go with the wind.
I think it is that kind of pie in the sky (unrealistic) expectation above wrt soul knowing combined with the eschewing, diminishing the importance of the spark/lust, what I would call passion that leads to the observable failure of relationships.
I don't think that passion in a relationship makes for a high school-ish love at all. I would go so far as to think that lends to failure to care and feed the passion that keeps a relationship strong over the long haul.
The failure comes in the form of KILLING passion. There are common stereotypical ways in which we do this. (And of course some couples come up with clever and unique ways to do this.) Women who supposedly fall in love then immediately are bent on changing the man that they supposedly love. Nag, whine, withhold. *****. Men withdraw into themselves in conflic avoidance and yes dear their wives, cannot hold on their N.U.T.S. (Amazon.com: Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men (9780979054402): Wayne M. Levine: Books). This cycle escalates until respect is out the window and who can have passion within that awful cycle?
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Also another thing, I might talk about in another thread is ego and wanting to feel loved as a basis for a relationship.
The ego seeks to get for itself. The ego must protect itself. This is anathema to the joyous, selfless giving of love that reaps real dividends in receiving love. The ego is the enemy of relationships.
I have spent some time thinking about this because whenever I get 'butterflies', 'feelings', 'fall in love' with a person, it ends up in flat out rejection. So, my conclusions...
1) A crush or infatuation in general, as most people think of it, or at least the feelings associated with them are hormonal. They are brought on by our need as humans to reproduce and by mammalian pack mentality. These feelings bring on the urge to mate with and possess a member of the opposite sex.
2) Romantic love can be defined differently by different people, but the feelings associated with it to me are similar to infatuation. The difference I believe is that romantic love veers towards pack mentality more than reproductive urges. Losing someone in a breakup is similar to losing a good friend or even family member or even a dog. Your pack has been broken. But it's still a mixture of the two.
Over my life, I have been in 'love' with a woman I dated for over 2 years and lived with and have had three strong infatuations with women I mostly knew well over a period of time. And the feelings associated in each situation are similar if not stronger with the infatuations.
Getting friendzoned by a woman you know very well and getting dumped by a woman you dated for a few years is almost the same hurt. In both situations, you are losing a sexual partner and a pack member.
So ... I'm trying to veer my relationships away from emotions. Look for things like loyalty, dependability, and character. Things my current girlfriend has even though I don't feel an overwhelming emotional drive towards her.
Yes you summed it up more succinctly than me. That's why like, I never totally bought into this whole idea of celebrating romantic love so much. For me, romance was no different to any of the other sensual pleasures - for me, liking someone is like, a strong liking of them physically, or the thrill of meeting somebody new, but nothing deeper, more substantial.
I wouldn't discount romantic love either. It is dangerous to guage a relationship solely on the emotional high of the relationship. However, if you know your heart and theirs, and know there is true, deep, and meaninful love, romantic love can and does go along with it can be a great pleasure and expression of true love. (Basically, it should go along with it, or follow it, not be in place of it).
Maybe a lot of relationships straddle the line between infatuation and love but never quite cross it into 'true love.' i.e. something that lasts a year or so. Of course duration doesn't tell you everything about the anatomy of the relationship.
Yes. Only a rare minority experience actual romantic love throughout their lives with the same person. The rest of us just settle for someone good enough.
This isn't a discussion about what the difference between 'infatuation' and being in love is. Well, I guess that is bound to be brought up yet again...I suppose the more I think about it, the more I think the word 'love' doesn't really have a place in the romantic world.
For me real love is 'agape' love, familial love, love between close friends - love that involves sacrificing for the other person, where their wellbeing is linked to your own.
Almost all romantic love, to me, is just strong infatuation - a sexual attraction, a strong crush. That's why I've liked girls but always felt it slightly silly to say I'm 'in love' with them.
To me, to be truly in love would require being with that person for a long time and/or knowing that person inside out, knowing their soul. Kind of where romantic and agape love meet.
I'm not saying this doesn't exist, but it's not something I've personally experienced.
I believe most relationships today are based on a combination of lust and butterflies in the stomach type high-schoolish love. There is no stronger foundation than that, that's why they come and go with the wind.
Also another thing, I might talk about in another thread is ego and wanting to feel loved as a basis for a relationship.
You just need to experience unconditional romantic love, friend Trimac Some people may say that unconditional romantic love does not and cannot exist, but that doesn't mean it's true. I know there is indeed such a thing, b/c I have personally experienced it (Unconditional romantic love may be the "meeting" you spoke of, between agage love and romantic love.)
IMO, unconditional romantic love = true love ("true love" meant, as in the content of the romantic sense)
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 04-18-2012 at 09:10 AM..
Reason: Corrected typos
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,887,197 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
You just need to experience unconditional romantic love, friend Trimac Some people may say that unconditional romantic love does not and cannot exist, but that doesn't mean it's true. I know there is indeed such a thing, b/c I have personally experienced it (Unconditional romantic love may be the "meeting" you spoke of, between agage love and romantic love.)
IMO, unconditional romantic love = true love ("true love" meant, as in the content of the romantic sense)
I don't see the 'unconditional' part in most romantic relationships these days.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,887,197 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
Trimac I am infatuated with you and want to touch your heiny... Soooooo hot wanna touch the heiny.
Do you hands like the rubber man from Fantastic Four, that can stretch halfway around the world?
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Some people may say that unconditional romantic love does not and cannot exist, but that doesn't mean it's true. I know there is indeed such a thing, b/c I have personally experienced it 
(Unconditional romantic love may be the "meeting" you spoke of, between agage love and romantic love.)
