Need serious advice (married, man, love, single)

[caribbeanppl]

Hi everyone!

This time I find myself having to make what may be the biggest decision of my life and here's why: I've been married to a wonderful man for 11 years now, this is the second marrige for both of us. Have struggled some bad situations together and thanks God been able to manage them. This time is a family matter which decision if not well taken could be very damaging for us. My husband has a job in the states, he travels frequently usually his job takes 4 to 6 weeks to be over and then he returns home, now he's been offered the same job but in a steady basis in the Los Angeles, CA area.

The dilema is that we've always talked about leaving the island and move to the states but never thought the time would actually come. I have a son from a previous marrige who is 16 years old and who doesn't speaks the english and who's very close to the family on his father side.

I've been thinking it would be better to wait until he finishes his senior year so I don't take him away from his high school friends, but yet waiting till that moment he won't be happy with the idea of leaving.

I don't want him to be unhappy his my son and I love him dearly, but in the other hand I have to follow my husband. I don't want to leave my son with his father I want him with me. What would you do? Has anyone been in a situation like this and can give some advice? I am really needing a good one. Thank you so much.

[momoffive]

how about talking first to your son ... maybe he would be into it... if not, no i wouldn't go and i would ask my husband to keep same job (if possible) it can wait a few more years. If he cannot keep the same job, then time to start looking for a new one... just my opinion.....a mother should not have to choose between her husband and her son, but if asked to she should pick her son...

[caribbeanppl]

Originally Posted by momoffive

how about talking first to your son ... maybe he would be into it... if not, no i wouldn't go and i would ask my husband to keep same job (if possible) it can wait a few more years. If he cannot keep the same job, then time to start looking for a new one... just my opinion.....a mother should not have to choose between her husband and her son, but if asked to she should pick her son...

Thank you for your advice. I wouldn't leave my son not for my husband or anyone in the world. I just want to find a solution, a way to make my son come with us without him being uspset for having to.

I would be able to wait a few more years but my husband can't afford to leave his job, he needs it.

[Arcticthaw]

Originally Posted by momoffive

how about talking first to your son ... maybe he would be into it... if not, no i wouldn't go and i would ask my husband to keep same job (if possible) it can wait a few more years. If he cannot keep the same job, then time to start looking for a new one... just my opinion.....a mother should not have to choose between her husband and her son, but if asked to she should pick her son...

Keep in mind your son is of an age that he will move on soon anyway. Maybe 18 or 20. He is old enough to have a conversation about this. Maybe he can stay with your former husband till school is out and prior to turning 18 and then join you? He may want to stay with his other family and just visit occasionally too.

[old biddie]

I would talk to your son, but I would also seriously consider staying with him if you can.
I think a move like that could be traumatic for him, especially if his english skills are not so great, he may have a hard time keeping up with school, and he may feel isolated.
If your husband is a fair-minded person, he will understand this. I am a single mom, and I know that I will always choose my son's happiness over any man in this world.
You and your husband are both adults, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children. If you are going to miss your husband, then that's just the way it has to be. If you do not feel safe leaving your son with his father, then you absolutely cannot do that. It's 2 years out of your life, you can make it work. I have been raising my son for almost 2 years now and I have made it work in a way that is best for him. You have to be strong, and it will pay off in the long run. Find a way to make it work for your son. If he were much younger I would have a different view point, but not at this point, there is too much at stake for him.

[caribbeanppl]

Originally Posted by old biddie

I would talk to your son, but I would also seriously consider staying with him if you can.
I think a move like that could be traumatic for him, especially if his english skills are not so great, he may have a hard time keeping up with school, and he may feel isolated.
If your husband is a fair-minded person, he will understand this. I am a single mom, and I know that I will always choose my son's happiness over any man in this world.
You and your husband are both adults, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children. If you are going to miss your husband, then that's just the way it has to be. If you do not feel safe leaving your son with his father, then you absolutely cannot do that. It's 2 years out of your life, you can make it work. I have been raising my son for almost 2 years now and I have made it work in a way that is best for him. You have to be strong, and it will pay off in the long run. Find a way to make it work for your son. If he were much younger I would have a different view point, but not at this point, there is too much at stake for him.

Thank you very much for your advice, I appreciate it. God Bless!!

[songinthewind7]

I moved quiet a bit as I was growing up. Didn't hurt me a bit. I loved it. New adventures, friends, etc. I still feel that way.
Talk to your son and see how he feels about it. Who knows, he may say 'when are we leaving?'
He should at least give it a try.

[Drover]

How long until your son is done with school? If it's a year, would you consider staying with him while your husband comes to the states and then joining your husband after your son is done with high school? I know that sounds rough but I've known people with strong marriages who have done that.

[christina0001]

I don't think you should relocate your son. Allow him to stay on the island and visit you during school breaks. Otherwise, wait until he is done with school before moving. But even then, you will still be leaving him behind.

[Beth56]

Is this job for the same company? Does it offer substantially more money or benefits? Could he continue to do the same job if he wanted to? I would be more inclined to wonder if this job change is necessary at this time. Aside from your husband and your son, do you want to move? I would be sure this job and move is something you all want.

I have lived in Los Angeles for over 50 years. I think you would all have major culture shock if you moved here, unless you are totally familiar with it. Unless your husband makes a lot of money for you to live in one of the better areas, I wouldn't do it. Housing prices are out of control, traffic is a nightmare, etc. I don't know what island you live on, but it sounds a bit more peaceful to me.