10 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Daughter About Men, Dating, Relationships, And Sex (movies, girls)

[byfuglien]

Originally Posted by tillman7

[1.]No rendezvous, phone calls, text messaging, etc. until I meet the kid and his parents.
[2.]Dating is for mating. Don't date anyone that does not meet the qualifications for you marrying him.
[3.]Don't date any man who is not passionate for God. Those types of fellas will not be passionate for you.
[4.]Sex is for marriage. Period.
[5.]You need to be a who person. Live and love life as though you will be single all your life. The man for you will envelope you like a glove.
[6.]Remind him that his body will fit into the bed of my pickup.
[7.]The relationship that you have with any man will change. That includes the relationship you have with me. Evaluate the fella's potential as well as his current performance.
[8.]Find out what the guys dreams and visions are. Assess how hard he is working at fulfilling them.
[9.]I am the best judge of character you have in assessing a man. Ask me anything you want about any fella that you might even consider.
[10.]While you are a teenager, you don't date anyone more frequently than you date me.


Do you agree or disagree?

I love it. I think I'll use some of that.

[EvilCookie]

The rest of the list is so inane I won't waste more time exposing it for the sheer idiocy it is.

That's pretty much my take on the whole thing. I pity the daughter in question here, she's gonna end up with daddy issues and tons of hang-ups about sex and relationships. The obsession with sex being that bad scary thing guys will do anything to get often leads to the husbands that come on these forums complaining that their conservatively-raised wives haven't so much as kissed them in 20 years of marriage because it's not what proper married couples do. Also, it really bugs me when teenage relationships are automatically assumed not to matter cause 'they won't last'. I met my now-husband at 16 - he was my first boyfriend, lost my virginity at 17, married at 23, now have a son and will be celebrating our 6th anniversary. We got a lot of the 'oh it's a teenage romance it won't last' thing, esp as it was the first serious relationship for both of us but we were committed to each other and made it through. And guess what - my parents didn't have a bunch of bs rules for me, weren't religious, only taught me to respect myself and my body and to make my own smart choices and watch out for my safety.
Oh - and if you have to have a 'rule' for your daughter 'dating' you in order for her to spend time with you, you've already lost the battle. If a person doesn't want to spend time with their family and doesn't enjoy their company it's a lost cause - they'll distance themselves as soon as they're 18, even if forced to before then. The key is for the children to WANT to spend time with their parents, and appreciate that time together - even if they don't do it much during the teen years, that distancing is natural, and in a healthy relationship, it will get closer again as they get older.

[Oscillatory]

They say that the girls with the most strict and over-protective parents end up being the most loose. Think Catholic school girls that go to college.

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by Johnny Cash

number 10 is interesting...

Sounds perverted to me!

Perhaps these things work for fundamentalist nitwits but intelligent people can successfully succeed with far less of this structure and more common sense. However, I suspect that his daughter can't wait to move away from home.

I just hope that she knows about birth control but somehow, I doubt it! This is a big problem in the fundamentalist community.

[Rhenzanite]

My parents didn't really care if and who I dated when growing up. I spoke to my parents about it not too terribly long ago, and they told me that they both knew I wasn't exactly popular and didn't really worry about guys asking me out. Plus I had a small scale dairy to run...and it's awfully hard to go out on dates when you have to be up at 4am 7 days a week to milk goats. I didn't go on my first date until I was 18 and already in college, and he was a guy I'd known for a few years prior. It didn't go well.

I think if my Dad had been more strict I probably would have gone out of my way to date As it was, they didn't care so I didn't care.

[Ceece]

Sounds like someone is letting their young child date. Weirdo. This is the stuff you tell 13 yr old when you give them purity rings...when they aren't even thinking about dating or sex, so you can all feel special.

My adult daughter, who can acutally contemplate marriage, can do what she wants and hasn't lived at home for 7 years and is an atheist. So there.

[JordanJP]

Originally Posted by tillman7

[1.]No rendezvous, phone calls, text messaging, etc. until I meet the kid and his parents.
[2.]Dating is for mating. Don't date anyone that does not meet the qualifications for you marrying him.
[3.]Don't date any man who is not passionate for God. Those types of fellas will not be passionate for you.
[4.]Sex is for marriage. Period.
[5.]You need to be a who person. Live and love life as though you will be single all your life. The man for you will envelope you like a glove.
[6.]Remind him that his body will fit into the bed of my pickup.
[7.]The relationship that you have with any man will change. That includes the relationship you have with me. Evaluate the fella's potential as well as his current performance.
[8.]Find out what the guys dreams and visions are. Assess how hard he is working at fulfilling them.
[9.]I am the best judge of character you have in assessing a man. Ask me anything you want about any fella that you might even consider.
[10.]While you are a teenager, you don't date anyone more frequently than you date me.


Do you agree or disagree?

Just a few things about the bold parts, starting with #2.

Dating isn't always for mating. People can have fun without it being permanent (and thus, much more messy to fix when things go wrong. The whole point of dating is to find out if you're compatible with someone. Whether it's for the long haul or the short joyride is up to the people involved.)

#3. I don't need to be "Passionate for God" to feel passion for your daughter. I can be good and passionate all on my own.

#4. Sex can be for bonding OR for fun. Humans are one of relatively few species that have intercourse for the sheer joy of it.

#10. That just sounds kinda creepy.


Anyways, this is your kid and these are YOUR opinions... if your daughter's opinions reflect your own, that works out well for you, I suppose. I don't have to like or agree with them but I can respect that you're at least trying to be a good parent.

[bobman]

Originally Posted by tillman7

[1.]No rendezvous, phone calls, text messaging, etc. until I meet the kid and his parents.

How is she supposed to communicate with the guy then ? How is she supposed to actually find out if she likes the guy ?
Messaging etc is the way of the world these days, it's what kids do. You may have to suck that one up.
Also, the parents aren't always an indicator of the child.
How many of the recent occupy rioters etc are from good families ?
How many times do you read in the papers "He was a good boy, he came from such a nice family, we're all surprised"?
Everyone is an individual. Although most apples don't fall far from the tree, some are carried away by other animals.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[2.]Dating is for mating. Don't date anyone that does not meet the qualifications for you marrying him.

If she doesn't date him, how will she find out ?
Dating is an interview process to establish if a person is a potential match for us or not

Originally Posted by tillman7

[3.]Don't date any man who is not passionate for God. Those types of fellas will not be passionate for you.

Rightly or wrongly, in these modern times, religion is very much on the wane.
I agree they should have respect for your religion, and your right to practice it, but lack of religious belief does not atuomatically mean someone is a lesser person.
Let us not forget how many wars and murders have been committed in the name of religion, so being passionate for God does not automatically make you good either.
I'm sure the priests caught up in the sexual abuse scandal were just as passionate about God as they were for altar boys.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[4.]Sex is for marriage. Period.

I can't really argue with that one, if that's what you believe, then so be it.
As a parent, however, you should be aware of teaching your kids the values of a proper relationship, safe sex, and how to avoid peer pressure etc thanforcing a ban upon them.
As has been evident for many years now, people do have sex before marriage, it's no longer frowned upon.
It's probably far more important to instill a decent set of values in them regarding attiitudes to sex, casual sex, it's better when in love, etc, etc.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[5.]You need to be a who person. Live and love life as though you will be single all your life. The man for you will envelope you like a glove.

Possibly not bad advice. Too many people are chasing happiness and the perfect relationship, but they're chasing so hard they may never find it, especially if they're looking in the wrong places

Originally Posted by tillman7

[6.]Remind him that his body will fit into the bed of my pickup.

I see where you are coming from, it is important that a potential suitor has as much respect for your daughter as you do.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[7.]The relationship that you have with any man will change. That includes the relationship you have with me. Evaluate the fella's potential as well as his current performance.

Agreed, not enough time is spent on educating people how to have a successful relationship. That it will ebb and flow, that you have to work at love, and it doesn't come naturally.
If we spent as much time at school teaching about relationships as they do about sex, drugs and religion, then maybe people wouldn't be chasing the dream so much.
It's arguable that children would be better served being taught about how to have a relationship, how to budget, how to keep house etc than be taught about dead Presidents.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[8.]Find out what the guys dreams and visions are. Assess how hard he is working at fulfilling them.

Not a bad concept, but more related to the young adult stage than teenager.
Many teens still don't have a firmly defined life plan, hopes and dreams can change as rapidly as fashions. However, an absence of any plan at all is not good.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[9.]I am the best judge of character you have in assessing a man. Ask me anything you want about any fella that you might even consider.

Bit of arrogance here, methinks. Are you such a good judge of character that you know your daughter so well as to impose your wishes on her, to deny her the chance to learn vital life lessons etc ?
Yes, you may have an insight into how a male mind works, but not every male mind.
She should always be encouraged to turn to you for help and advice, but this attitude has the risk of smothering her.

Originally Posted by tillman7

[10.]While you are a teenager, you don't date anyone more frequently than you date me.

That's just a bit wierd !
I'm presuming you mean that she should not spend more time with a boyfriend than you, but this will end in tears.
Teens are blossoming socially and emotionally, they need to be out and about, if you rob them of this by saying they have to be with you for (..) days per week, then you run the risk of really messing up their social and emotional relationships, and possibly doing lasting damage.

Originally Posted by tillman7

Do you agree or disagree?

Not for me to agree or disagree. These are your views, I'm not about to try to change them, however, if these truly are your views, I suggest that when your daughter turns 12 or 13, you might want to lock her in a cellar, and only let her emerge when she's 21.
By that time, you will have dated and interviewed enough guys on her behalf that she can go straight into the marriage you have arranged for her.

[thriftylefty]

This may not work for every one but an uncomplicated way to have kids who date responsibility is to be in a good relationship your self. If a father spends time with his daughter while she is growing up she won't be manipulated by a boy's attention. Try to give kids some responsibility as they grow up to teach them to rely on them selves and trust their instincts.

[Paint It Pink]

I've posted this in my own thread, but it's worth repeating.

My mom gave me three rules (ok, three MAJOR, and I'm sure pages full of minor) to dating, marriage, and life in general.

1. Don't hit me.
2. Don't cheat on me.
3. Don't lie to me.

Those three are very important and have stuck with me. I'm currently dealing with a major issue of #3... and there's no need to go into that here, but let's just say that three key components to a successful courtship involve the above.

Also, the "sex is for marriage" might backfire big time on you- teenagers are curious creatures, and will explore. It's better to teach about sex- and more importantly, what it can cause- than to not teach it at all.