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[quote=jamesjameson52;23922018]To set the record straight, I was suicidal when it was 0-1 time per week, and before my weight loss. My wife and I are in - compared to how we used to be - amazing new bodies. It's not wrong to want to enjoy that.
I don't feel as depressed as I used to. I was in a rage when I first posted this morning, but felt better after exercising. I love knowing that I get noticed, and it may not be long before I lose the inhibition to actually start talking to other women at the gym.
I am all about wanting to make it fun for her. But, you can only work with what you have to work with. In other words, when your partner isn't comfortable with her body, doesn't let you touch erogenous zones, doesn't have orgasms, and doesn't want to...guess what, all you're left with is getting your rocks off and then going to sleep. Sorry, that's not enough. I'd love to be able to make her climb the walls, but I'm never given the opportunity to do so. I have told her - and I'm sincere about it - that I'd rather go down on her and make her climax than to have intercourse. Pay attention, all you peeps who said I was selfish: this means that, on occasion, I'd be okay to help her get hers and keep it in my pants. She actually told me that, after about a minute or two, she finds oral sex boring. THAT IS ABNORMAL, unless you're just not human.
Women, if you don't pleasure your guy and let him do the same to you, that is just asking for something bad to happen in your relationship. She is on dangerous ground. That was very well said by whomever said it above. I'll go and rep you later.[/quote]
Wow, wow, wow smdh! Nothing wrong with your feelings but how you're choosing to handle them makes you no better than what you're accusing your wife of. You've given reasons why she may feel as she does (body issues etc.) and you come here complaining about how she chooses to handle it. Feeling justified???
Maybe it's time to refocus, OP. You mentioned that you are having mid-life crisis feelings in part because of the death of some family members. Well, you should. You are almost forty and your life is half over. No one gets out alive. Maybe you have to think about what your life means. Has your being here contributed anything of worth to the world? To the planet? To humanity? When you are laid out in your best and last suit, will the little pamphlet they hand out read Emerson's words:
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
Or will your whole stinking life have been all about "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, I wanna get my pole greased every day!!!!!!!?
Thought this was worth repeating.
Mid-life crisis isn't anything to joke about, it's actually quite serious, can be quite damaging. Are sexual issues the only thing going on with the OP or is it time to look at the bigger picture, all aspects of his life?
To set the record straight, I was suicidal when it was 0-1 time per week, and before my weight loss. My wife and I are in - compared to how we used to be - amazing new bodies. It's not wrong to want to enjoy that.
I don't feel as depressed as I used to. I was in a rage when I first posted this morning, but felt better after exercising. I love knowing that I get noticed, and it may not be long before I lose the inhibition to actually start talking to other women at the gym.
I am all about wanting to make it fun for her. But, you can only work with what you have to work with. In other words, when your partner isn't comfortable with her body, doesn't let you touch erogenous zones, doesn't have orgasms, and doesn't want to...guess what, all you're left with is getting your rocks off and then going to sleep. Sorry, that's not enough. I'd love to be able to make her climb the walls, but I'm never given the opportunity to do so. I have told her - and I'm sincere about it - that I'd rather go down on her and make her climax than to have intercourse. Pay attention, all you peeps who said I was selfish: this means that, on occasion, I'd be okay to help her get hers and keep it in my pants. She actually told me that, after about a minute or two, she finds oral sex boring. THAT IS ABNORMAL, unless you're just not human.
Women, if you don't pleasure your guy and let him do the same to you, that is just asking for something bad to happen in your relationship. She is on dangerous ground. That was very well said by whomever said it above. I'll go and rep you later.
Why would someone contemplate suicide from being overweight and only getting sex 0-1 times per week? If that's the worst of your problems, ffs, you should be happy as hell. You now have it 2-3 times a week and are still unhappy? A lot of us men are having it zero times per year.
The second bold line clearly indicates you are already thinking of cheating on your wife.
The next line, isn't this something you would have known before you married her? Why would you commit yourself to something that you know in the future you would be unhappy with? I know it's too late for that, but you really should have realized this over a decade ago.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you threw us all off the trail with the "mismatched" libidos and the complains of infrequency. As you can tell, most of us feel that 2-3 times a week is at least normal for people married for 10 years with young kids. I think your real complaint is that she doesn't enjoy sex and never desires it. I hope, at least, that this is your real complaint because it's the only part of your posts that doesn't sound completely absurd.
So, I'll admit something....When I was on hormonal BC, I had no desire. I would perform my duties and would get into it once we were in the moment, but I never had any true desire. I could have gone months without caring in the least. This bothered my husband immensely. I didn't see the problem at the time because it wasn't like he wasn't getting any. Anyway, I got off the pill and my libido came back just like it was before when we used other methods. I've never gotten back on it because that stupid drug almost ruined my marriage.
So we got to a point where we I wanted it but still rarely initiated. I then stumbled upon a forum of men complaining about this issue and it dawned on me that it was just as important for me to initiate. I never bothered to because I thought I was throwing "hints" his way and it was up to him to take the reigns. I don't know why I thought this way. I really can't explain it, but I did. After reading this forum of men saying that there wife never initiated, I began initiating almost every day for several weeks. Husband went crazy. Then I realized that he stopped initiating and I was feeling unloved and unwanted. I then finally understood how he felt all those years when I was just giving "hints" (that I don't think he always got). We all want to feel sexy and desired. Men too.
So in that regard, I get where you're coming from. Here's the kicker though. YOU married her. You must have known she was like this. It doesn't seem like this was a bait and switch. It seems like she has always been kind of reserved if not darn right prudish in bed. I'd have more sympathy for you if she was a sex crazed woman while you dated and then suddenly changed. So, in my opinion, this is on you. You either have to get counseling to help her open up in the bedroom or you need to divorce if you can't hack it. Don't you dare think you're justified in cheating. You're not. I don't think your wife truly gets it. I didn't get it either and I wasn't a mean-spirited wench. I was just clueless. You owe your wife a chance to understand the true root of the problem.
If I were you, I'd leave frequency out of the equation. If you could get your wife to really desire you and act playful and fun and free in the bedroom once a week, then I'd consider that a vast improvement. Once you can get that, maybe you can work on getting it back to 2-3 times a week and you'd probably be more satisfied than if you were getting a warm place to land every day like you say you want now.
The next line, isn't this something you would have known before you married her? Why would you commit yourself to something that you know in the future you would be unhappy with? I know it's too late for that, but you really should have realized this over a decade ago.
This is what I keep asking, but no answer has been forthcoming yet.
About the next post re: the hormonal BC, this could be part of the problem. I've read many articles that have come out in the last year saying that "the pill" affects libido significantly, and not in a good way. Switching to another form of BC could be the ticket.
Would any of this apply if it is the man that does not want it as often?
I was wondering the same. Threads like this come out quite often around here from men who complain of sexless marriages or a wife that will let him have sex a few times a month or use it as a reward or weapon, which is not that rare. But the very few times a woman has complained there is no sex she is told to do the opposite: dump him, you deserve better, he's terrible, etc. When a guy complains about a wife who doesn't want to have sex he is told to romance her, cherish her, buy her things, be sweet, stop complaining, etc. Same problem, different way to solve it.
I was wondering the same. Threads like this come out quite often around here from men who complain of sexless marriages, which is not that rare. But the very few times a woman has complained there is no sex she is told to do the opposite: dump him, you deserve better, he's terrible, etc. When a guy complains about a wife who doesn't want to have sex he is told to romance her, cherish her, buy her things, be sweet, stop complaining, etc. Same problem, different way to solve it.
We're not talking about a sexless marriage here. If that was the case I would say leave her (which I told the OP to do anyways because he's contemplating cheating on her). He's complaining that he needs sex 7 days a week (instead of the lousy 2-3) or else his life isn't worth living (suicide).
We're not talking about a sexless marriage here. If that was the case I would say leave her (which I told the OP to do anyways because he's contemplating cheating on her). He's complaining that he needs sex 7 days a week (instead of the lousy 2-3) or else his life isn't worth living (suicide).
Yup. Suicide is a bit extreme and I agree with those who have told them that a situation like that needs counseling. He sounds a bit extreme about not being able to live without a few sexless days and his wife has something in it too to just have sex out of obligation.
The Pill kills your desire because you no longer ovulate and you don't get that testosterone surge which makes you "frisky" esp during the time you would be ovulating (and fertile).
Get a Pocket Rocket vibrator.
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