Loneliness (date, how to, guys, sex)

[nlsanders]

Originally Posted by bluesaw

Hi I can not relate to your situation because I always had plenty of friends and family. I do know lots of people that are younger that are lonely. It is sad. Maybe its these computers making kids disconnected? You are definately not the only one. I know a few guys who are out of work and their social lifes literally crumbled. I know a lot of young women who tell me they are miserable and lonely. I can not relate much to it but I can relay to you that others experience the same problems you mention. Keep trying new things and stay strong.

Ehh I dont think its so much computers as it is media to be honest. Men feel that they can be playas and get as many woman as possible, while woman with the whole rise of the "independent woman" feel they dont need a man and have pretty much created impossible standards.

[msamhunter]

For some people it's harder to meet people. Do u always look serious? Seriously have u tried making friends at ur place of work or at the gym? Its as simple as saying u want to grab. Coffee . The professional groups like 100 black men maybe the naacp doing some local volunteering. DC has all of that. Do u live in a different part of town? For instance the majority of prof blacks in indianapolis live on the north side and into hamilton county. I live on the south side in johnson county. If I were in ur situation the distance would be a huge hurdle for me so was just wondering

[Broncos Quarterback]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

Your problem is that you're too dependent on others to feed your happiness. Sort of like a leech...they need a host to suck life from. You feel like you need other people to make you happy.

Start thinking of things you can do on your own that will make you happy. No one wants to be with someone who is depressed. People are attracted to positivity and happy people. Smile more. Do things that are fun. Change your attitude to a more positive one. Things will start turning around if you change your outlook on life.

You definitely make some very good points, but we humans are social creatures, even us introverts. You don't need a lot of friends, but the OP has none and I can see how that would be damaging to someone's psyche.

OP, you're a good looking guy and you look like and write like someone I would want to hang out with and be friends with. The only thing I can think of is maybe you don't initiate enough to propel a meeting into friendship. I know I have and have had that problem.

If you haven't join some co-ed rec sports leagues or volunteer. No guarantees, but it can't hurt and it's fun.

[nlsanders]

@msamhunter, I work in a government kitchen and everyone in there with the exception of me is between the ages of 40-70 so....its a little tough to make friends at work. As far as volunteering ive done it a few times, and nothing really came of it as far as making any friends.

@broncos quaterback, its hard to meet and make friends my age and ppl that I can actually relate to seeing as how the majority of people here are over 30 and we basically have nothing in common. Its the generation gap, I was looking at joining a kickball league........except everyone on the groups seems to be pushing 40 or over 40.....as you can see, my biggest issue is the age thing as far as these things are concerned.

[ImCurlybelle]

I'll be your friend

[PhenomenalAJ]

I spend most of my non working time alone but I don't feel lonely. I'm more sick of people and have more human contact than I'd prefer. I don't really understand why people want to voluntarily be around people, it hurts my head having to make small talk with nitwits all the time.

[nlsanders]

@Imcurlybelle thanks!
@PhenomenalAJ, the only thing I can say to that is the grass is greener on the other side I suppose

[Peacelilies]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalAJ

I spend most of my non working time alone but I don't feel lonely. I'm more sick of people and have more human contact than I'd prefer. I don't really understand why people want to voluntarily be around people, it hurts my head having to make small talk with nitwits all the time.

Lol. You remind me of the quote by Jean Sartre
"Hell is other people"

[Johnny Vanderburgh]

Originally Posted by nlsanders

I have a question for everyone. How do you all deal with loneliness?

Hello, nlsanders, and thank you for asking.

My approach is admittedly somewhat unconventional, but I drink alcohol to deal with that specific emotional pain. Granted, it's not everyone's cup of tea to be sure, and I'm not recommending that you adopt this course of action to solve your own problems. However, since you addressed your question to the community at large, I (no matter how much worse off this place is for having me) as a member of said community felt welcome to add my experience to the conversation.

Wishing you nothing but the best in your endeavor for fellowship.

Cheers,
-Johnny

[Peacelilies]

Originally Posted by nlsanders

@msamhunter, I work in a government kitchen and everyone in there with the exception of me is between the ages of 40-70 so....its a little tough to make friends at work. As far as volunteering ive done it a few times, and nothing really came of it as far as making any friends.

@broncos quaterback, its hard to meet and make friends my age and ppl that I can actually relate to seeing as how the majority of people here are over 30 and we basically have nothing in common. Its the generation gap, I was looking at joining a kickball league........except everyone on the groups seems to be pushing 40 or over 40.....as you can see, my biggest issue is the age thing as far as these things are concerned.

I think it's just where you hang out.
The DC area is a magnet for young professionals, recent graduates and they range in age from 20s all the way up. For some reason, you are just not meeting them.
I just did a search on meetup for young professionals with zip code 20005 and came up with 152 meetup groups (sigh, I miss that place). Some actually specify that you must be within your 20s and 30s. Try it for yourself.

Alternatively, you just might want to take a break from it all. When you are trying something and it's not working out, sometimes it's just best to step back, take a breather and regroup.

Another thing you need to ask yourself is if you have a hobby. I have found that when you join groups without any real interest in them, save just to make friends, it rarely works. Same with volunteering. If you just volunteer just for the sake of volunteering and not because you are passionate about what you are volunteering for, you'd just end up being frustrated.

Do you have any hobbies that lend themselves to social events?
I have a buddy who is into motorcycle racing and he told me this single hobby transformed his personal and social life. Before that, he was extremely lonely.