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Old 04-21-2012, 10:34 PM
 
545 posts, read 1,554,196 times
Reputation: 518

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Sometimes I really feel that I deserve things that I don't have. When I realize that I get really angry or cynical about the world. It happens in a lot of situations. Of course, I don't let it show but I still feel bitter inside. Examples:

1. I felt that I deserved a particular girl. I got really angry when she rejected me. I thought I was good enough for her and therefore when she rejected me I felt disillusioned about dating.

2. I get angry when certain people are more successful than me. I know I'm smarter than them and I'm probably a better person but... for whatever reason they're doing better than me. It makes me angry and I feel that the world is injust.

3. I don't like how some people are happier than me. I don't know why they can be so happy. It just makes me feel sad that I'm not as happy as them even though I'm pretty smart and work pretty hard too.

I know my thoughts are irrational but how do I get over them? Should I get therapy at my school? I'm 21.

I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:40 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
Therapy sounds like a good idea. If it's available at your school, then you might as well give it a go. You sound pretty self involved in a negative way. That could be due to all kinds of things, but if you think it's just based on entitlement issues, you may want to consider putting yourself to service for others in need on a regular basis. I've always found it to be productive and a way to get a nice vacation from myself.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:41 PM
 
Location: DFW
40,936 posts, read 49,025,568 times
Reputation: 54962
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
I know my thoughts are irrational but how do I get over them? Should I get therapy at my school? I'm 21.

I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
You sound like you need help. Yes seek therapy at your school, that would be a great place to start.

Then go home and talk to your mother.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:45 PM
 
1,738 posts, read 766,620 times
Reputation: 3529
I know when you are feeling bad, down, depressed, etc sometimes people will tell others they need get help or need to see a doctor..etc. that doesn't help. I think it makes someone feel even worse and could put someone on the defense. Since you brought it up and asked the direct question, yes, I think you should. Otherwise I would suggest you talk to a friend maybe that you trust and is kindhearted. Life's stress can be so much sometimes and keeping them in they only get worse over time. Even if you think you have moved past them or at least gotten over them, if you haven't truly worked through those feelings, they can come up again, even years later. Hope you feel better soon.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:47 PM
 
3,111 posts, read 8,042,295 times
Reputation: 4272
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
Sometimes I really feel that I deserve things that I don't have. When I realize that I get really angry or cynical about the world. It happens in a lot of situations. Of course, I don't let it show but I still feel bitter inside. Examples:

1. I felt that I deserved a particular girl. I got really angry when she rejected me. I thought I was good enough for her and therefore when she rejected me I felt disillusioned about dating.

2. I get angry when certain people are more successful than me. I know I'm smarter than them and I'm probably a better person but... for whatever reason they're doing better than me. It makes me angry and I feel that the world is injust.

3. I don't like how some people are happier than me. I don't know why they can be so happy. It just makes me feel sad that I'm not as happy as them even though I'm pretty smart and work pretty hard too.

I know my thoughts are irrational but how do I get over them? Should I get therapy at my school? I'm 21.

I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
The world is not fair. Accept it, and move on. Focus on the positive things in life. For example, you're not living in a hut without running water, having to drink contaminated water, and having little to eat.

If you can't change it yourself, it would be best to see a therapist.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:48 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
Oh yeah? And just what makes you think you're entitled to our help?

Spoiler
Yeppers, that was a joke, all right.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:49 PM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,497,737 times
Reputation: 1656
She rejected you because she does not want you, move on. What makes you think you deserve her anyway?

Do you want to be with a girl who rejected you?

You cannot compare yourself to other successful folks because they don't have the same background a you. Each individual has a unique lifestyle that they go through.

How do you know they are happier then you and why does it matter. If you are happy and satisfied and then that is what matters.

You are very young so you learn more as you get older.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel View Post
Sometimes I really feel that I deserve things that I don't have. When I realize that I get really angry or cynical about the world. It happens in a lot of situations. Of course, I don't let it show but I still feel bitter inside. Examples:

1. I felt that I deserved a particular girl. I got really angry when she rejected me. I thought I was good enough for her and therefore when she rejected me I felt disillusioned about dating.

2. I get angry when certain people are more successful than me. I know I'm smarter than them and I'm probably a better person but... for whatever reason they're doing better than me. It makes me angry and I feel that the world is injust.

3. I don't like how some people are happier than me. I don't know why they can be so happy. It just makes me feel sad that I'm not as happy as them even though I'm pretty smart and work pretty hard too.

I know my thoughts are irrational but how do I get over them? Should I get therapy at my school? I'm 21.

I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:05 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,497,719 times
Reputation: 18189
Malkiel

Wow.... After giving you reps and quoting your reply in Soviets thread.....Surprising the two of you have the same issue.

Sometimes finding solutions to someone elses problems can be easier than solving our own.

But, you might want to go back re-read and consider the advice you gave him.
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:59 AM
 
Location: USA
1,818 posts, read 2,680,015 times
Reputation: 4173
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrEarth View Post
The world is not fair. Accept it, and move on. Focus on the positive things in life. For example, you're not living in a hut without running water, having to drink contaminated water, and having little to eat.

If you can't change it yourself, it would be best to see a therapist.
The above first paragraph is good. You are very young and I think you're in a hurry to get everything at once...the girl, the job, the great life. Slow down a little hon. It will all come to you in time. Enjoy being 21...it's the only time you will be 21.
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Old 04-22-2012, 07:39 AM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,439,563 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malkiel
Sometimes I really feel that I deserve things that I don't have. When I realize that I get really angry or cynical about the world. It happens in a lot of situations. Of course, I don't let it show but I still feel bitter inside. Examples:

1. I felt that I deserved a particular girl. I got really angry when she rejected me. I thought I was good enough for her and therefore when she rejected me I felt disillusioned about dating.

2. I get angry when certain people are more successful than me. I know I'm smarter than them and I'm probably a better person but... for whatever reason they're doing better than me. It makes me angry and I feel that the world is injust.

3. I don't like how some people are happier than me. I don't know why they can be so happy. It just makes me feel sad that I'm not as happy as them even though I'm pretty smart and work pretty hard too.

I know my thoughts are irrational but how do I get over them? Should I get therapy at my school? I'm 21.

I'm not proud of my thoughts. But, I can't really control them. They just come up and they change how I feel. What can I do? I don't act out on my thoughts (well at least not obviously) but I'm not nice anymore.
When I read your post, it feels like it can more or less be summed up in a few words—envy, pride, and self-entitlement. I am not using those words to judge or condemn you, but with the understanding that those emotions can happen for anyone. You are having thoughts—“I deserved her”; “I’m smarter”; “I’m a better person”—that lead to those specific feelings—envy, pride, self-entitlement.

You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your thoughts. When you start to feel envious, think of something you appreciate. For example, when you have the thought “I deserved her”, think about something you appreciate about her, and think about something you appreciate about yourself.

When you have the thought “I’m a better person”, it's because you are feeling prideful—think of which talents you have, but then also identify the talents you see in other people. Then you will realize that you really aren’t better, but that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and in that thought process, you will be humbled.

When you start to feel self-entitled, it’s because of thoughts like “I’m smarter”. Realize that it takes teamwork to lead to success, and that all success you have had in your life is not just a result of your own high-qualities, but the intelligence and generosity of those around you. For instance, maybe you got into college, but who wrote your letters of recommendation? Who edited your application essays? Who helped you move into your dorm? Then you will realize that each person’s success is not only from their own achievements, but also from the generosity of those around them.

As you change the way you think about things, the feelings you have will also change. As your relationship with your life changes, so will your happiness. As you change your thoughts about your life, you change the way you feel about your life, and in turn become happier.
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