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The other week, I came across something on the internet about an ex of mine. Well, we were never technically in a relationship, but we were involved for many years. I cared about him very much, but our situation was difficult so I ended things.
I haven't seen or talked to him in over four years. But I became curious about how he is doing, so I sent him a message asking how things are going in his life.
I'm just genuinely curious to know. I'm not trying to start anything romantic again.
I haven't heard back (and it is very possible he just hasn't read my message yet) but in the time that's passed since I contacted him, I'm wondering if maybe I was out of line at all. It's been so long since we've been a part of each other's lives that maybe he doesn't feel comfortable sharing anything with me. Plus, since I was the one who left him, do I really have a right to pop back up again and stick my head in his business?
That is my question, really - is it out of line to contact someone again, if you were the one who ended things with them?
First of all, be honest with yourself. A lot of people who reconnect with old flames tell themselves it's innocent when, deep down, it's not. In fact, I'd want to know what prompted you to do so. So really, really be sure of your motivations.
Second of all, if you ended things after a lot of time with him, then you are likely opening up old wounds. There is nothing in the world worse than somebody who tells you that she doesn't love you anymore, but won't leave you the hell alone.
In fact, I'd bet that he is deconstructing your e-mail right now, parsing it right down to your choice of personal pronouns and adjectives, wondering what every single word means. If he's in a relationship, he's likely weighing his options, wondering if it's worth it to reply. If he's in no relationship or a ho-hum one, he's probably thinking you want to explore matters and he's likely right -- whether you admit it or not.
If he really loved you when you broke it off, then those feelings will come right back when you establish contact. He will not be content with being friends, no matter what he might say. You are playing with fire, and I would really advise you to leave it be.
First of all, be honest with yourself. A lot of people who reconnect with old flames tell themselves it's innocent when, deep down, it's not. In fact, I'd want to know what prompted you to do so. So really, really be sure of your motivations.
Second of all, if you ended things after a lot of time with him, then you are likely opening up old wounds. There is nothing in the world worse than somebody who tells you that she doesn't love you anymore, but won't leave you the hell alone.
In fact, I'd bet that he is deconstructing your e-mail right now, parsing it right down to your choice of personal pronouns and adjectives, wondering what every single word means. If he's in a relationship, he's likely weighing his options, wondering if it's worth it to reply. If he's in no relationship or a ho-hum one, he's probably thinking you want to explore matters and he's likely right -- whether you admit it or not.
If he really loved you when you broke it off, then those feelings will come right back when you establish contact. He will not be content with being friends, no matter what he might say. You are playing with fire, and I would really advise you to leave it be.
I have to second that. People make choices in life and have to be willing to live with the results. Sometimes it's best to just let things be and move on with life.
My ex-h, who left me, and whom I haven't crossed paths with in nearly 10 years, sent me a FB message over the holidays, out of the blue. (We have mutual friends on FB so he can see I'm out there.)
It was just a simple holiday greeting message. But, seeing no need to go there, I deleted it.
I am of the opinion you want something from him , too. (But I give you the benefit of the doubt bc I have not walked in your shoes.)
If he doesn't respond , leave him alone , therr's your answer. I think , however that as the person who ended things , it SHOULD be you initiating contact.
Like what has been said before, you have to be honest with just exactly why you want to reconnect with this person. Is it because you are genuinely curious and wonder how he is doing, or is it because you want to rekindle an old fire?
Personally, for me, it's a matter of just how our relationship ended. I am still friends with exes of whom our breakup was mutual and respectful, but the ones who weren't are the ones I have no interest in reconnecting with.
Dumb idea. Leave the past in the past. No sense rehashing it.
The whole notion of getting together with an ex is a bad idea. If your relationship didn't work the first time it isn't going to work this time around. People do not change. Their personalities generally stay the same throughout their lives.
If he doesn't answer, then you know to stay away, don't send another note.
If he replies it was them being considerate, still not an invitation to rekindle anything.
Don't have any expectations and you won't be disappointed.
REP! Excellent advice. Very sensible.
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