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Hopefully you are seeing by now that the point we are all making is, we like fantasy!
Romantic chick flicks are just one kind of fantasy, not an instruction book for guys on what women want in real life, okay?
I know that. This isn't a topic meant to be something that affects me personally. I have my own way to handling women I am attracted to, and I think it works well. Rather, it's a curiosity about human psychology.
Oh, you can tell a woman who buys into the romantic book and movie approach to dating. She uses the following terms:
Prince Charming.
Knight in Shining Armor.
Mr. Right.
If you ever encounter one of those, run. Because her entire notion of relationships has been formed by watching Disney movies non-stop from age 3. She has an unhealthy understanding of relationships and men, and her entire notion of a relationship is incomplete because she sees the lavish marriage as the finish line, just like in Disney movies. But in real life, the words The End don't magically appear in thin air during the wedding ceremony and you return from the honeymoon actually having to learn to live together. This is the stuff that the romantic movies ignore, which is why people like that don't have the means to enjoy a healthy long-term relationship based on mutual understanding and a grasp of reality.
I think the most commonly used "approach" (is that better?) is when the guy friend completely confesses his love for the girl. Every piece of advice I read or am told basically says that doing something like that will more than likely freak her out as opposed to having her reciprocate. Basically, the general principle is to save the romantic gestures until she is actually your girlfriend; when you use them before it will only serve to overwhelm her and maybe scare her off.
How would you feel if a girl from your high school that you vaguely remember came up to you and confessed her love, would you take her in your arms and walk off into the sunset? Doubt it. Most likely your initial reaction would be something along the lines of who are you and how could you possibly love me, I don't even know you.
Gatsby: The reason some of the plots in the films you describe don't make sense is that it's Hollywood, it's meant to entertain, not reflect real life. (I've never heard of those films, I'm more into the types of films you like). But the fighting then reconciling is an old theme. The idea is that "opposites attract" (the don't, or if they do, eventually they repel). Also, there can be a subconscious sexual tension underlying the arguing, I think that's the point. So eventually they realize they need each other, or something, and work it all out.
Don't expect entertainment and fantasy to reflect reality.
Your point about confessing one's love when one is in the friend zone is a great subject for its own thread. How do you get out of the friend zone and into the potential-partner zone? I don't think there's much you can do, it has to be mutual.
Fiction is not real life. If there were movies that were actual real life loves stories - word for word - the audience would be bored out of their skull. I think my personal love life has been amazing - but if I wrote it down word for word, moment for moment, it would be the longest most boring movie ever. We has some of the most incredible adventures, conversations, etc. but you can't show an actually 6 hour conversation or a love that developed over months and months. So instead of a first meeting lasting for hours - in a movie or even in a book - it has to be very quick. You have to cut out all the extra stuff and just make it interesting.
But once again, as others have said, it's fiction. Don't over think it. Just live your life as usual.
They make me happy to watch and I like happy endings because happy endings are so rare in real life. I know chick flicks are not reflective of real romantic relationships, but I enjoy them anyway.
Ladies, this is something that I have been pondering for awhile, and I would like your honest introspective thought about it...
In layman's terms: Why do women like romantic movies if, in most cases, a guy using what he sees in a movie will lead to rejection, or other negative associations? I look forward to the discussion .
I'm not a lady, but I figure a male perspective can't hurt...
First off, they should be called romantic fantasies, not comedies. I'm being somewhat sarcastic, but they don't reflect real life.
And I think they give people the wrong impression that they are going to meet someone at the grocery store. While going to bars and dating coworkers can be frowned upon, most people I know met their current SO's that way. It's not romantic, but it's real life.
Most importantly, I think a lot of what happens with women is the internal conflict between behaving like a 'lady' as dictated by society or going for what they feel more physically and emotionally drawn to. Head v Heart. I think men have pressure to be a 'player' (I hate that term so much), but I think there is more pressure on women when it comes to relationships. Guys are far happier talking about sports.
I do think a balance between head/heart is good, but I also think even the women who say "why can't guys act like that?" are full of crap. I listened to my ex-gf's (and even current girls that are friends) friends complain about not meeting 'nice' guys, and it's fun to call them out on all the idiots they date. In a lot of ways it's similar to locker-room talk, when guys exaggerate the types of women they like, women say a bunch of nonsense that they know isn't true but want to fit in and sound right.
Last edited by DrVanNostren; 04-26-2012 at 12:38 PM..
Reason: Grammer
Fiction is not real life. If there were movies that were actual real life loves stories - word for word - the audience would be bored out of their skull. I think my personal love life has been amazing - but if I wrote it down word for word, moment for moment, it would be the longest most boring movie ever. We has some of the most incredible adventures, conversations, etc. but you can't show an actually 6 hour conversation or a love that developed over months and months. So instead of a first meeting lasting for hours - in a movie or even in a book - it has to be very quick. You have to cut out all the extra stuff and just make it interesting.
But once again, as others have said, it's fiction. Don't over think it. Just live your life as usual.
Like, Under the Tuscan Sun (the memoir) was about a middle-aged couple who buy a house in Italy and learn to cook and enjoy life. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie) had Diane Lane playing a divorcee who moves to Italy and has wacky adventures with colorful characters.
Unless it's a documentary, most people don't expect movies to be like real-life.
Oh, you can tell a woman who buys into the romantic book and movie approach to dating. She uses the following terms:
Prince Charming.
Knight in Shining Armor.
Mr. Right.
If you ever encounter one of those, run. Because her entire notion of relationships has been formed by watching Disney movies non-stop from age 3. She has an unhealthy understanding of relationships and men, and her entire notion of a relationship is incomplete because she sees the lavish marriage as the finish line, just like in Disney movies. But in real life, the words The End don't magically appear in thin air during the wedding ceremony and you return from the honeymoon actually having to learn to live together. This is the stuff that the romantic movies ignore, which is why people like that don't have the means to enjoy a healthy long-term relationship based on mutual understanding and a grasp of reality.
Thank you...the sad part is, some of the women who buy into what you mentioned above get taken advantage, only to be left high and dry.
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