News, Older women and younger men: Can it Work? (Christian, American, sex)

[girlintheglass]

I am in a relationship with a younger man too. I am having some issues with it. I really care about this guy and we have met eachothers family etc... my kids like him, his parents like me, I look younger, he is kind, everything that has been said here, AND... I am still having trouble with it. But, though I want to blame any issues on our age difference, that in fact, is not the problem. It is more me getting up in my head than anything else. We are really good together, we play music, write music, dance, cook, hike, giggle, talk endlessly and have walked through some fears together, straight up (our agreement) We have also agreed that while we don't know what the future has in store, there is a good possibilitythat we don't really have a future as we are at different places in life.
Any relationship that I get into, I do the same thing... my stuff is mine. I am glad to see, though, that there are more women out there that are in relationships with this large age gap... I would love to hear how you deal with things that come up... your fears, what they are and how you deal with them (maybe another thread?)

[crbcrbrgv]

Originally Posted by Laura707

I know of a woman that was 35 and ran off with a 19 year old, many, many years ago and they have been happy together and it has worked out beautifully for them. (I am talking 20-30 years ago!)

Was she a high school teacher?

[FlightAttendant]

I am about to marry a guy 13 years my junior (marriage date mid Oct). We have been an "item" for 8 years. Isnt it funny, a guy can date a girl that much younger and he gets high-fives. Let a woman do it and she is robbing the cradle, trying to recapture her youth, etc.....

He and I are happy and we have gotten along for many years. What is the big deal?

[mouritche]

i'm boy 22 years old , like older women mourithe@hotmail.com

[Kathie52]

I've been married for 17 yrs. to a man 12 yrs. younger. He was 25 when we met, and I was 37, and I never even dreamed we would end up married! We dated for awhile, then lived together for awhile before getting married. His family accepted me with no problem, and mine with him. Our marriage has had it's problems, not so much because of age, more from his drinking. 11 yrs. ago we had a son, my dream come true!! And my husbands too. But my body was all mixed up, I was 45, I'd just had a baby, and I think my body didn't know whether it should start menopause, or not!! I was skinny, and even skinnier after the baby was born. Then I started to slowly gain weight, had terrible mood swings, was depressed. Ended up in the hospital with irregular heart beat, they did tests, and found out my thyroid was messed up, underactive, and I had high blood pressure. So I was put on medication for that, and that was why I was gaining weight. I'd always been small, but now have gained alot. THEN came menopause. I had a hard time with it, had to be put on antidepressants. So it's been alot for my husband to go through with me. I don't think younger men think about those things when they marry an older woman. And neither do the women!!! At least I didn't. We made it through the rough times, we love our son and are trying to give him a good life, he's the best thing to happen to us. We're still together, and hopefully the roughest times are behind us. Just my story about older women/younger men.

[Karen B BSRN]

Hi All,

I am reading with interest the posts, and know that 1/3 of all serious relationships are older women and younger men. There is no distinction between LOVE and age at all, just societal objections and this is totally ingrained by morons.

I have been married (4) times and hope this is my last for this man I do love with all my heart, all of me and it is almost frightening to think that it took me a lifetime to love on the level I know God loves us all (unconditionally). In fact in my case it is a lesson in life having already died (3) times and yet having had a marriage (5 children) with an abuser close to my age; the second and third marriage to the same man (heroin addict and he just could not kick weak in character), and then my current husband who will be it until God takes me out.

When people look at the surface what are they truly seeing? I knew for I had and have dated younger men for a profound reason and most women who are experienced and know what I speak of would agree. Many men in my age group attempt to clone who you are to meet a failed role; ex wife who left them, girlfriend who cheated and have enough baggage to sink three elephants. They may be prone to a stubborn belief (since they are male and society allows them to have the predominant role) that they can make you into that failed role who left and hit the road. This automatically creates guilt, unrealistic expectations, and a relationship that won't work.

Younger men I found after divorcing my first husband which is a very long story but ultimately I am a Yankee who transposed to West Texas and this was a gift from God for I am a Texan by default but most of all my life changed drastically. I refused the advances of my first really younger man (then 26) although I did date after several men in their 40's who did exactly as I described above a man who fell for me hard core (he was like 32 and I was in my 40's) he was divorced with a six year old son and I was still divorcing (don't marry in Virginia if you ever want to divorce I mean it takes forever) and wanted to marry me right off the bat.

I did not realize how much I did not want marriage until flying about with a bunch of guys on my terms (no white picket fence, no marriage, no more children been there done that), and I did finally face God and ask him for a man in my life to truly love. By that time I was divorced and poor Sean (the first one) never let me break up with him face to face so in his mind we are still engaged somehow the poor guy. The one I speak of next was Jason then 26 and by the time I knew I had hurt Sean and this other guy would not stop I dated him. A lot of that relationship was sexual and there is nothing wrong with an agreed upon sexual fest, but you must be in agreement. By the time I reached the jumping off point and had cleared my own emotional wreckage and was ready I truly did and do love (my husband Steven).

At the time I prayed for a serious relationship I ended up with a man slightly younger than myself who always was Daddy to me against my wishes. He knew best he forgave my little running aways which one year totalled 98 in one year. At least 450 miles (to a plutonic male friend in Austin) or all the way back to Midland, Texas (900 miles) from Louisiana. This man to this day has endured me marrying my second and third husband (still wanting me back) and likely is in denial now over my husband or disbelief.

I was a female male chauvanist pig. I read with a smile the insecurities stated that older women might be more financially set all this crap. The truth is if you love and there is a powerful connection there is no number or numbers. But if you love as deeply as I do today I worry due to my own health issues that I will even if healthy DIE first and want him to be happy. I think of how much we are connected, how intense it is and will be for when you are in love with the right person there is nothing but that connection or sense of being or two people becoming one. I am likely spitting out what most here already know but why in America where in Europe this is taken for granted do women have to feel as if they are less than if not 20? Hell that's a joke. A woman does not reach her sexual prime until past 30 closer to 40 and this lasts till death. A younger man peaks out at 25 although with the right partner it won't happen that way. It just does not ask any couple who loves deeply and thoroughly they know something others may never know. That that partner is it nothing, no one, and no society or culture can change that. Perhaps deflect at times or disrupt but never change that.

Steven taught me that even racing down the road to get away (my former residence) was running and I promised never to run from him. He has taught me things I do not know and will not know due to him being the predominant male in this relationship and this I speak as a former predominant figure likening myself to a guy with steel balls clanging at my knees! What a stressful existence I had before love.

Perhaps I provide too much information or food for attack here on this forum but the key is love is a gift a blessing from the Higher Power which I call God. Who am I to question this? A gift of life on earth is love, and marriage indeed if you are serious. What I'd like to know is those who are in serious relationships with a younger man who feel this way, who can share the truth. This is not about age but about love.

Thanks for listening~

Karen B.

[killer2021]

Yes it works.

Older woman only wants sex.

Young man only wants sex.

Looks like win win if you ask me. I highly recommend any young male who is having difficulty getting laid to go with older women. Most of time they are the ones trying to get you to go with bed with them, not the other way around.

[Karen B BSRN]

Killer,

Let me guess are you a male over 40?

Not one word of your statement takes the entire person
into consideration. Sex is not sex if you do this; intimacy
can and will occur.

Karen B.

Originally Posted by killer2021

Yes it works.

Older woman only wants sex.

Young man only wants sex.

Looks like win win if you ask me. I highly recommend any young male who is having difficulty getting laid to go with older women. Most of time they are the ones trying to get you to go with bed with them, not the other way around.

[Huckleberry3911948]

well 2 things you know, she is thinking short term
and he is thinking i dont wana work for it.

[Karen B BSRN]

Huckleberry,

I find it sweet that men are so worried about
relationships between ow/ym. Does it bother
ya'll specifically in your own lives?

Night night,

Karen B.

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

well 2 things you know, she is thinking short term
and he is thinking i dont wana work for it.