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If they freak out because you can't find one your stockings or panty, as if they are suddenly Mr. Neatfreak. OMG we gotta find that thang now!!! Also if you are lingering around a body area, kind of nibbling/sucking and they pull away afraid that you are going to give them a love bite.... LOL I employ both methods to get a read!
Interesting thread but EVERYONE here is WRONG in actually identifying the signs of someone who will cheat. Too many "If there are time blocks where he is unaccounted for..." or "not answer his phone...". You guys are ALL missing the point.
You can tell someone may be a cheater by their character. Cheating is absolutely a flaw in one's character, so if you are out and the guy/gal you are with do things (even little things) that an upstanding person of great character would not do then they may very well be a cheater. Do they say "too bad, so sad" about the store clerk who made a mistake and gave them more change than they should have? Do they drive without insurance? Do they pay their bills on time? Do they show respect for the elderly? These things are not outright definite give aways that the person will cheat, but it definitely shows character flaws that could very well be an indication that the person could and would cheat if given a chance.
That is why of all the women I have actually entered into relationships with, one of the most important things that they MUST have had was good character. The ones without character, or those who were of questionable character would just be "tap that" material.
You call him and he answers all late, or not at all, and then he calls you back after a few minutes, or texts you.
He says he only has one friend.
He goes home early if he is married.
He doesn't want you talking to his neighbors cuz they are 'crazy'.
He's never around during the holidays.
He has a fake I.D.
He's on a social network and you see him online at 1am and when you talk to him he logs off and denies he was up at that hour.
He claims that his twin was the one who was kissing that woman at the bar, not him.
He says you're boring and refuses to go anywhere with you anyway.
He claims you are the one cheating on him.
He goes MIA for a week.
He suddenly starts dressing up to go to work and wears cologne.
He develops new interests in music and starts talking about subjects he never cared about before.
He spends less time with you.
He says he's not hungry after coming home from work or refuses to eat because of his new diet, yet he seems to be getting fatter anyway.
He gets a new hairstyle.
He wears the same old clothes when he goes out with you, but new clothes when he is going out with his 'friends' or by himself.
You find a long blonde hair in his vehicle and you are not blonde and neither is his family or friends.
He says he has to work late for a holiday and when you pass by his house that night he is having a party at his house he didn't tell you anything about.
He picks arguments with you all the time and accuses you of being problematic.
I think the phone thing is a big one. My ex suddenly treated his phone like it had top secret government information on it, lol. In the past if I left my phone in another room I would say hey can I borrow your phone for a second, or I'd use it to play games I didn't have on mine, whatever. Not anymore. And if we were hanging out and he went to the bathroom he took it with him! LOL - who takes their phone to the bathroom?
Well, if you're there for a while, you can get in a game or two of solitaire.
I think some of the phone stuff is overblown. As someone with clients all over the map, my phone is my lifeline.
However, I'm not a slave to my phone. If I'm talking to someone and the phone rings, it better be someone I really need to talk to in order to interrupt the original conversation. I look at the caller ID and put it back into my jacket pocket. And if I am taking a business phone call, I leave the room. We might have company, my wife might have the TV on, etc. etc.
Interesting thread but EVERYONE here is WRONG in actually identifying the signs of someone who will cheat. Too many "If there are time blocks where he is unaccounted for..." or "not answer his phone...". You guys are ALL missing the point.
.
I think the OP was asking how to determine if the person she is seeing is not single (cheating on a wife or girlfriend).
If you have just started seeing a person it's hard to judge their character; that comes with time. She's asking what signs to look for in order to determine if this person is cheating WITH her, not on her.
Most people don't want to spend weeks or months getting to know someone and allowing themselves to be vulnerable if the person they are with is not truly available.
However, I'm not a slave to my phone. If I'm talking to someone and the phone rings, it better be someone I really need to talk to in order to interrupt the original conversation. I look at the caller ID and put it back into my jacket pocket. And if I am taking a business phone call, I leave the room. We might have company, my wife might have the TV on, etc. etc.
I agree. I always look at the caller ID to see who called (just in case it's an emergency) but I NEVER answer the phone if I'm hanging out with someone unless I think it could be an emergency or something very important. IF I answer and it's not something urgent, I'll ask them if I can call back at a later time.
In my opinion, it's bad manners. I can't stand it when I'm out with someone (friend or husband) and they are glued to the phone to text or talk.
With that said, I wouldn't use that as a guage to whether this person is a cheater.
just don't trust him from the jump and double check the sh*t that he tells you too. Going to the gym? Staying late at work? Won't let you view his laptop? I'm not saying drive around town everyday, but just check often. some of these women never check at all, hey, that's their funeral -- Get your ducks in a row, so you don't get played!!
In the world of dating there are many people who pretend to be single who are in fact involved, committed, and/or married. What signs reveal if that person is telling the truth or not? Do you have red flags that help you to determine if the person you have met is truly single? Does anyone have stories of being misled and something bad happened? (i.e. your own episode of Cheaters)
i met a guy on FB who new me from HS said he was divorced and was not. Told me he did not want me mentioning on his fb they we were getting together or show photos of us..... set up a SPECIAL email just for me lol because he did not want it to interfear with his biz emails ...
When he does not answer his cell phone in front of you, after he sees who is calling. Then he sends a text. I was stupid enough (gullible!) To believe him when he said, "My time with you is too valuable to waste talking on the phone.". I later realized he just did not want to talk to his other girlfriends in front of me.
Another sign, he lies. "Honey, we can't go out tonight, I have to work, something came up.". And he starts turning your "relationship" into a "FWB", or stops taking you out.
I never cheated, and have no relationship to cheat, but I let the phone ring after I see who it is on a regular basis. For example if my mother is calling for the 3rd time the same day, or if work is calling when I really don't wanna take an extra shift I wont answer. If a vague acquaintance is acting like I'm his "bro" I might be unlikely to answer his calls as well... There are many situations to let the phone ring, when you don't want to make it obvious that you clicked that someone.
Some people do have jobs where unexpected things and emergencies turn up. For example once my engineering degree is done, it's not completely unlikely that my work will be directly connected to a productionline of some sort, and if so unexpected issues will more than likely arrise more often than not.
That was two, I'm sure most of the other arguments in the thread have similar weaknesses, and bottom line is, you can sit with your little red flags and think you dodged a bullet when you missed the chance of your life, and you can just as easy be fooled while in a naive mindset, but which do you prefer? being fooled once or twice and move on or lose the chance of your life to never find it again? all because you think you sit on some neat "red flag" with which you can detect "oh he said this, it must mean X,Y,Z"
Like any set of equations you can only get an equal ammount of answers as you have equations, there is no way around that, and if you want to know what a person is like to know, your simply gonna have to get to know the person and see for yourself.
So why the reply?
I get bitter(and now I've written it before you have(!)) when I hear the conclusions people draw from single things they've seen or heard. for example a Girl I just met told me "You look like you go to the gym a lot"
I thought it was a compliment and replied "I'm there very now and then~, thanks" before I could finish she told me
"So you think you can replace brains with muscles, and instead you go to a gym to further boost your narcisist ego, ~she went on with about 5 other conclusions~"
It's funny how she can get 5 or 6 conclusions about my personality, mental health, life history and whatnot, from the fact that I attend the gym on a regular basis...
This is the most extreme I've encountered, but many of the "red flags" posted on this thread carry the same basic flaw; way too much concluded, from way too little information.
She does not introduce you to any of her close girlfriends
Maintains an army of guy friends that are "just friends". . . and for some reason does not tell any of them that she is in a relationship
She is a flight attendant
Normally texts back right away or answers her phone when not together but there are some "nights" where she does not text back and when you call her phone, it is completely off and she has random and ridiculous reasons why.
In the absence of catching her in cheating, she meets all of the objective criteria for being a cheater: pathological lying, narcissistic traits, cognitive disortions and lack of a working relationship with reality.
You are doing laundry and find one of her thongs that fell next to the washer and it looks like the one she had on before she left for her last flight and there is what looks like a load that ran out of her in it. Then calling a local lab that offers DNA services for $900 and bringing it in (in a ziplock bag) and having them Qtip your mouth and then testing it against it and it is semen although not yours.
Then, watching her type her four digit code into her phone when she checks her voicemail before a flight and waiting until she is gone and her phone is turned off for the flight and accessing her voicemail a few hours later before she lands in another city and hearing a guy say "Hey babe, it's 4:55, heading to the airport. . . blah, blah, blah"
And whenever you confront her or try to get a straight answer from her about anything, you see those dark, empty and sociopathic eyes staring back at you that are devoid of any real emotion or depth and you realize you are dealing with a human trainwreck.
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