Why is watching porn to be considered a form of cheating? (marriage, girl)

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by stan4

Someone really needs to explain to me how looking at porn makes you a cheater or a scum bag, regardless of your relationship status.

I'd like to know this too. Some people are just angry at others who don't have any hang ups or inhibitions about sex.

[soletaire]

this is a silly question to me. This is like saying that watching porn = having sex. One doesnt necessarily have much to do with the other. Just because one watches porn doesnt mean there is an emotional connection with the role players, any more than watching and masturbating to porn means one is having sexual intercourse.

[laorbust61]

Originally Posted by misiu007

Watching porn IS NOT CHEATING. Ive been accused of cheating before, because I glanced over at some attractive females, while with my SO. That wasnt cheating either, just her insecurity.

So does SO do it, look at men other than you? I'm sure you very alright with it if she does. You sound so progressive and modern when it comes to looking at other women for yourself, I'm sure you are very generous and give her the same leeway when it comes to men

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by The Siobhan

I have married friends who say that if their spouse watches porn, it is a form of cheating. How is that? There is no emotional connection. There is no physical connection. All it happens to be is a visual and/or aural stimulation.

Is it considered a form of cheating to you? Why?

No, I don't consider it cheating.

[Sprawling_Homeowner]

(CAVEAT EMPTOR: I am not, nor have I ever been married.)

I'm not sure that using pornography is a form of cheating, but what I do know is that a married man who uses porn is getting sexually aroused by something else other than the woman he is married to, and I don't think that is healthy for a variety of reasons:

1. Except for what I'd say is a minority of the population, women generally don't look as "hot" as women in porn; most women don't have the "perfect" combination of knockout legs, shapely butt, amazing breasts, flawless midsection, and beautiful face that many women in porn "have." Let's remember that many women in porn have had implants, and when they are off and about doing their daily activities in life, they look like the girl next door, and far from the uber-beautiful women they are all dolled up as on porn flicks.

But a husband who views porn begins to view those women, and not his real flesh & blood wife, as what women "should" look like. So if his 38-year-old mother of two, full-time employed wife begins to show a few wrinkles, a bit of flab here and there, and some gray hairs and she doesn't look like the slender, stunning 26-year old he married - and the women in porn do - he will begin to find his wife sexually unappealing and unattractive, when his wife in her current state may in fact STILL BE quite pretty and not overweight or fat or what not.

In other words, porn will give his wife a type of "competition" in terms of looks that she most probably cannot compete against. And the more a husband views porn the less he will be able to get turned on by his wife. Why this is supposed to spice up marital intimacy is beyond me.

2. The wife will feel inadequate, inferior, and insecure about her own body and face. I have met women whose beauty was unquestionable; as we became better friends and I asked questions, they admitted they'd had men giving them attention since adolescence. They usually didn't hate that they were good-looking. Still, some WERE insecure; some had a hard time accepting that they really were all that, so beautiful, and what not. If therefore real-life "hotties" can struggle this way, why wouldn't a "mortal" woman feel insecure when compared to the early-mid 20s hardbodies in porn?

When a man and a woman marry, they are bringing their own baggage into the relationship. Oftentimes both, or at least one, have failed to find resolution/closure for past hurts/hang-ups. Dealing with one's own heartaches and issues is enough. Dealing with those of your spouse is a challenge even if the marriage's foundations are unshakeable and if the love and commitment are profound and solid. Therefore, doing things that can rattle or crack one's wife's self-esteem (especially if it may already be brittle) will not solidify one's marriage.

3. Porn portrays women's sexual preferences as nothing less than savage, animalistic, and depraved. I've actually watched documentaries where married porn starlets (to each other) say that when they make love at home they are NOTHING like they are on camera. Yet those movies make men think women like having sperm cover every square inch of their faces (and sometimes by the sperm of more than 1 man), or their hair pulled, or being slapped, or called names, or saying to men to treat them like <fill in the blanks> or to <use any profane term for 'sexual engagement'>, etc.

4. Single men who are addicted to porn often struggle with viewing women as human beings rather than as playthings because porn objectifies women. Why would a married man be any different? Even if he doesn't go out and commit an affair, it will affect the way he views other women, and that will in turn negatively impact how he views... his wife.

My conclusion: is using porn adultery? Not in the strictest sense, but in every sense, pornography is an enemy of healthy marriages. Many a marriage has suffered and many others been destroyed because the husband was enslaved to porn.

[Nite Ryder]

I guess everyone has an opinion. Some people think looking at the opposite sex is cheating, but then again, some people just don't think. Jealously always seems to rule the hearts and minds of so many people who are quick to say "that is cheating", when in the opinion of most other people it is not. I don't see any of this cheating until you act on your impulses...

[Ed_RDNC]

First you have to define "Cheating", and that's extremely subjective, and from my experience infrequently discussed, so that actual terms between a couple are inferred.

My own belief is that Cheating is violation of the trust between me and my SO. As the level of commitment will get deeper as the relationship progresses, and would take a big step upon living together, and then marriage, it's quite a moving target.

But if you were to ask me, for a guy to get off on porn is very similar to a woman getting her fix of emotional relationships by by reading/watching romance novels/movies.

Men are DIFFERENT than woman.
Men are visual, and have a need to feel a physical release. They can do so with very little or no emotional commitment.
Women have a need to an emotional attachment, they long for a scenario, or emotional situation. Their daydreams about running off with pirates, sheiks, 'bad boy bikers", and/or playboys satisfy that need. Is their doing so a violation (cheating) of their actual relationship with their man ??????

No, of course not, it's daydreaming. Just as guys do when they look at porn.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

Oh, don't try to make it sound as if all men do. I've seen others who try to convince women of the same thing on this forum before so that they think and accept that all men are scumbags. It's not working!

It all works out. All men are porn watching (its natural) scumbags and while they are sneeking watching porn their SO is off doing the nasty with her best girlfriend (since bi sexuality is natural for women).

[laorbust61]

Originally Posted by Aganusn

It's not. Only people with low self esteem and other issues say that.

And I've heard that only people who fully intend to apply the double standard in their relationship engage in this. These same people would feel disrespected by their woman if they found out she was looking at other men in this manner.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner

I'm not sure that using pornography is a form of cheating, but what I do know is that a married man who uses porn is getting sexually aroused by something else other than the woman he is married to, and I don't think that is healthy for a variety of reasons

I somehow agree, hey, there will be those who would also consider unhealthy for a woman to fantasize with the hero in an erotic novel or a chick flick.

1. Except for what I'd say is a minority of the population, women generally don't look as "hot" as women in porn; most women don't have the "perfect" combination of knockout legs, shapely butt, amazing breasts, flawless midsection, and beautiful face that many women in porn "have."

Not so sure about those women necessarily being gorgeous, like you said, many of those are made of plastic anyways. Besides porn women may be being in better shape there may be porn out there that portrays women enjoying sex, being adventurous, willing to try different things, into it, aggressive, showing initiative, putting some effort, or doing things that a typical wife might find dirty, raunchy, wrong, crazy, perverted, etc. And the men who watch that wish their wife did those things.

In other words, porn will give his wife a type of "competition" in terms of looks that she most probably cannot compete against. And the more a husband views porn the less he will be able to get turned on by his wife. Why this is supposed to spice up marital intimacy is beyond me

I don’t understand how it would spice up marital intimacy as well. But the married guys who watch porn might be more than just looks that they would want in their wife but a different attitude about it just like she might have had when they were dating and had a more positive attitude about sex.