Why is watching porn to be considered a form of cheating? (boyfriend, girlfriend)

[moonsavvy]

Cyber sex is a form of cheating
Porn is more of fantasy so I don't consider it cheating, but its only one notch away from cyber sex. If you walked in on your SO watching porn you would probably have a different reaction than if you walked in on your SO with another woman.

Many, many men don't watch porn. It's scary how the ones that do like to justify it by saying all men watch it. That's just not true.

I think it's interesting that the men who are watching it knowing that their wives are disapproving like to say that she is just insecure. That's so wrong. Any woman with any amount of self respect would not be happy with their husband watching porn alone. Watching it together is totally different.

[TaoistDude]

Originally Posted by moonsavvy

I think it's interesting that the men who are watching it knowing that their wives are disapproving like to say that she is just insecure. That's so wrong. Any woman with any amount of self respect would not be happy with their husband watching porn alone. Watching it together is totally different.

Why is it wrong? It may be 100% true. The problem isn't that he's watching porn, it's that he's probably not doing much to help her feel more secure in general.

I think your comment on "woman with any amount of self respect" is a personal belief, not something supported by facts. It's a shaming-style argument, not an objective argument.

One way to think of porn is as a masturbation aid. Women have toys - and romance novels. LOL

[laorbust61]

It's a symptom of a relationship with some troubles, possibly serious ones. A man in a committed relationship who is doing this is emotionally checking out from a connection with his partner. If the relationship commitment the couple has forged is to survive without any kind of abuse, codependency or pathology,

These questions arefor the sensible reasonable people reading this thread, not the ones who are attempting to ferociously defend a particular vice they may be engaged in:

Is this fair to a woman who is working to maintain a monagomous commitment to her man? Isn't a man telling his woman to "grow up" or stop being insecure" being emotionally abusive, when all she is trying to do is stop something that is keeping her from connecting with her in their relationship?

[TaoistDude]

Originally Posted by laorbust61

It's a symptom of a relationship with some troubles, possibly serious ones. A man in a committed relationship who is doing this is emotionally checking out from a connection with his partner. If the relationship commitment the couple has forged is to survive without any kind of abuse, codependency or pathology

Wow, what a complete load of ... nonsense!

An assertion without justification or evidence whatsoever, and I know of many specific relationships where your assertion is completely false. I think such ideas come from a false morality or an unthinking acceptance of politically correct indoctrination! LOL

[Djuna]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Not everyone who isn't comfortable with porn is necessarily a controlling prude,though. I think it bodes ill for a relationship if the response to a partner's concern (whether that be "is that what you want me to do?" to "those women are being exploited") is met with "Suck it up. I'm going to do what I want and I don't care what you think." It's dismissive and shows a lack of communication and respect.

Yes I agree with that. I guess I'm just lucky I have never been in a relationship with someone who has different views than mine. But then again, I don't get into long term relationships without knowing a whole bunch about that person and this is one of those topics I discuss with someone.

I can't imagine marrying a person then finding out they have diametrically opposed views than me.

[Djuna]

Originally Posted by moonsavvy

Any woman with any amount of self respect would not be happy with their husband watching porn alone. Watching it together is totally different.

My husband watches porn and I am absolutely fine with it. Sorry, you are wrong. I have ample self respect. I am secure in my sexuality and our relationship. It simply isn't a big deal and he feels the same way about my porn watching.

[AnywhereElse]

Originally Posted by Ulysses61

First of all, watching porn is not considered a form of cheating, at least among adults with an IQ above 90 and an age above 12.

Almost everyone of every gender looks at porn. And anyone who considers it "adultery" has massive, massive insecurity issues.

Ah, the old "everyone does it". That is not actually true but if it helps you justify what you are doing, go for it. So, if you are allowing your 13 year old to look at porn, I suggest you try family counseling as you obviously don't realize the issues involved with porn.

In a Biblical sense, it is lusting so would be like cheating. If you need it to get "turned on", you have my deepest sympathy because from what I have read, people needing porn eventually fail at the actual performance because it cannot bring them the "high" associated with their addiction.

But, whatever makes you feel good, isn't that the new trend?

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by CrueRulz

It's much better to watch together.

Why watch something on a screen, when you can be busy enjoying each other physically?

People seem to be assuming that watching porn is a harmless pastime, and maybe for some people it is. But it all too easily can become an addiction, and can ruin a marriage. Porn images stimulate the most primitive part of the brain, overriding the rational mind, which is why it's so addicting.

So the concern isn't whether or not porn is "cheating". The key question is: what effect does porn have on the relationship or marriage.

[ucbrian]

Originally Posted by The Siobhan

I have married friends who say that if their spouse watches porn, it is a form of cheating. How is that? There is no emotional connection. There is no physical connection. All it happens to be is a visual and/or aural stimulation.

Is it considered a form of cheating to you? Why?

I would say it is a male version of romance novels. I don't subscribe to either one to any degree, but I would say addiction would be an issue...looking or reading isn't....Plus I always prefer to read with my hands....hahaha

[animalcrazy]

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Not everyone who isn't comfortable with porn is necessarily a controlling prude,though. I think it bodes ill for a relationship if the response to a partner's concern (whether that be "is that what you want me to do?" to "those women are being exploited") is met with "Suck it up. I'm going to do what I want and I don't care what you think." It's dismissive and shows a lack of communication and respect.

These "exploited women" are adults and have made a free choice in the matter. It works for them and although it wouldn't work for me, it doesn't give me or anyone the right to judge and say that they shouldn't because it isn't right for another individual. Everyone has the right to live their life the way they see fit without ridicule or judgement. The exception to that rule is if something is being done against someones will and illegal. It's interesting how porn is legal but prostitution is not in most places. Is porn a form of voyeuristic prostitution? One of my patients was a crack prostitute and very near death when I left her two nights ago. I treated her as a human being and did my best to make her comfortable in her last hours. I did not judge her nor her lifestyle choices. She was only 51. Makes looking at porn sedate in comparison. DH was all offended by open marriages and yes that lifestyle wouldn't work for us, however, these are consenting adults all making a free choice. Do any of us have the right to tell them it's wrong? We all have our opinions but the bottom line is live your life the way it works for you and everyone else can disagree, but you have to respect all lifestyle choices.