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Thanks for the responses. I've accepted the worst though. She doesn't want to change and doesn't think she's doing anything wrong and that I'm the one who has to make the effort, despite fact that she pulls little or no weight. I sent her a long email and she replied with a one word answer ("ok"). I honestly don't think she'd care if I walked, but I have nowhere else to go. I do actually feel like a doormat and a fool for taking this. I don't know what happened to the girl I first met, how she became this angry, pot smoking, man hating person who gets so angry and has lost herself in an online world with potentially toxic people.
Done.
Do you work? No where else to go? There are extended stay hotels or apartments .
Sounds like you gave it your best shot. You cannot force someone to work on a relationship if they don't want to. And life is too short to be miserable. Plan your exit strategy and in the mean time take up some new hobbies, make some new friends, get out there and start enjoying your life the way YOU want to enjoy it. She can sit at home on the internet with her weed. Doesn't sound like much fun to me!
Background, been married for 7 years, we've had a lot of problems, both my wife and I suffer from depression. No kids thankfully.
Recently, things have been getting really bad. She is cold, distant and I feel like I am not welcome in our home. She started writing on an online site about a year ago and has made a lot of online friends. She has become very distant from me though and has also started spouting some somewhat man hating or at least anti-man crap, siding with some woman she knows online to attack male posters by ganging up on them in packs. It's always women this, women that, all men are bastards. I personally believe in equality, but she is actually making me feel bad that I'm a man.
We haven't had sex in months, which of course she twists and blames on me. I have tried, but how can you initiate sex with someone whom you feel uncomfortable around?
I have been under a lot of stress at work lately and she piles on more stress. She has got us into many messes financially, constantly pushing to spend money we don't have, often on weed, knowing full well that the car is in need of repair and that I am running out of clothes and haven't seen a doctor in god knows how long.
She is constantly raking up stuff from the past, or reminding me how how ****ed up I once was (depression and anxiety).
I do love her, but we have totally drifted apart. I believe she's with me because she just doesn't want to be alone. She never wants to do stuff together, even though I have suggested lots of stuff. She never does her share of cleaning, I always get the groceries and I always do the laundry, which is never good enough. I guess I am also somewhat afraid of being alone too. I have no one else.
Any suggestions?
Here is the thing - Women who behave like this - why don't they just make an attempt to save the relationship or just get out - but they would rather just hang on make themselves more miserable instead of just confronting problem, and make their partner miserable -and then when it finally does end they won't end the relationship amicably and move on with their lives
Background, been married for 7 years, we've had a lot of problems, both my wife and I suffer from depression. No kids thankfully.
Recently, things have been getting really bad. She is cold, distant and I feel like I am not welcome in our home. She started writing on an online site about a year ago and has made a lot of online friends. She has become very distant from me though and has also started spouting some somewhat man hating or at least anti-man crap, siding with some woman she knows online to attack male posters by ganging up on them in packs. It's always women this, women that, all men are bastards. I personally believe in equality, but she is actually making me feel bad that I'm a man.
We haven't had sex in months, which of course she twists and blames on me. I have tried, but how can you initiate sex with someone whom you feel uncomfortable around?
I have been under a lot of stress at work lately and she piles on more stress. She has got us into many messes financially, constantly pushing to spend money we don't have, often on weed, knowing full well that the car is in need of repair and that I am running out of clothes and haven't seen a doctor in god knows how long.
She is constantly raking up stuff from the past, or reminding me how how ****ed up I once was (depression and anxiety).
I do love her, but we have totally drifted apart. I believe she's with me because she just doesn't want to be alone. She never wants to do stuff together, even though I have suggested lots of stuff. She never does her share of cleaning, I always get the groceries and I always do the laundry, which is never good enough. I guess I am also somewhat afraid of being alone too. I have no one else.
No sex , so it's like a roommate. Does she contribute financially? Is she willing to do anything , like counseling to work on the marriage? If you have depression , you need to do something , too. I'd fix the depression and see if she's willing to try to fix anything meanwhile.
Give her ALOT of extra attention, tell her she looks good, cuddle her in bed more, laugh, talk about light hearted subjects and ALWAYS make the first move. Don't go straight for the homerun either, take your time with cuddling and kissing and SLOWLY work your way to the HOMERUN!
If either of them won't agree to get help, that's the person who doesn't want to stay married and the other should cut their losses and move on.
This is not rocket science.
No, marriage is WAY more complicated than rocket science.
And all you 'smug marrieds' (Bridget Jones) need to give it a rest, please. A happy marriage is largely the luck of the draw. You can't really know a person when you are dating them, and many people only show their true colors after the papers are signed. So, Smug Marrieds, here's your pat on the head; now go and take care of your happy marriage while the rest of us comfort each other.
OP, gotta tell ya, the man-bashing and man-hating -- those are the gateway drugs to outright lesbianism. The 'scantily-clad female exec' may not be posting her photos to attract men, okay? I as a straight woman have no interest in that crap, and don't need my furnace fed by women online trashing men.
As a straight woman, if I had a husband, and he wanted to be intimate with me as much as you appear to be, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him. I am pretty sure there are a lot of women like me out there. Get that divorce, hon, make sure your head is in an okay place, and you will attract women. There is no reason to be alone unless you want to be.
I don't even want to control her in any way, but she's changed from the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. About the company she keeps, she's recently befriended a high profile corporate woman who for some reason posts a lot of scantily clad pics of herself. I personally don't like her and she has admitted to cheating on her husband on her blog. Some guy posted that he thought it was distasteful that she was posting such pictures and my wife and that woman tore the poor guy a new a-hole, my wife expected me to agree with this, being a man myself and not someone who respects attention seeking women who ***** themselves out. That ended up turning into a fight because I refused to take her side, followed by 5 days of silent treatment.
I have suggested marriage counselling, but she ain't interested. She just spends all the time on her blog communicating with online people and smoking lots of weed.
I am very unhappy and alone. I burned bridges with my family because of her, now there's nothing left but spending nights alone drinking just enough beer to just fall asleep without actually being drunk.
It sounds like the marriage was just a big mistake and you don't have kids so it may be best to move on. Mend your bridges with your family and find something to live for.
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