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"He didn't marry her because he felt that was the whole reason she had the baby. He's a man of great confidence, always sure of what he wants, not to be coerced or manipulated, especially at the expense of bringing a life into this world."
did she come in him to create this pregnancy ?
So just because a man "comes" in a woman, he is the one to blame with an originally unwanted pregnancy? Are you serious? It's also a woman's responsibility to manage her fertility and if she is trying to get pregnant, she is also obligated to discuss her desire for making a baby ahead of time... especially if the woman is sexually active and not married to any of her partner(s).
Sure a man's sperm helps make a baby, but in these modern times, women have many many options regarding their egg production.
Obviously the ex has a relationship with the grandma and as such was simply expressing how she feels to a "friend."
I think 3 years is plenty of time and she should be over it but lets say if it was just 3 months and he was already getting married to someone new... we would all be sympathetic to the ex then...
I really wouldn't worry about Tess. There's a good reason why you are engaged to marry this man and she wasn't, m'kay?? Just be nice to the kid and all will be well.
So just because a man "comes" in a woman, he is the one to blame with an originally unwanted pregnancy? Are you serious? It's also a woman's responsibility to manage her fertility and if she is trying to get pregnant, she is also obligated to discuss her desire for making a baby ahead of time... especially if the woman is sexually active and not married to any of her partner(s).
Sure a man's sperm helps make a baby, but in these modern times, women have many many options regarding their egg production.
unwanted pregnancy after sex is equal to unwanted burn after touching fire.
"He didn't marry her because he felt that was the whole reason she had the baby. He's a man of great confidence, always sure of what he wants, not to be coerced or manipulated, especially at the expense of bringing a life into this world."
did she come in him to create this pregnancy ?
Her fiance can't be coerced or manipulated into wearing a condom. He is sure of what he wants: unprotected sex without responsibity for the outcome.
I don't find his behaviour suspicious in the least. Most men I know, my father and bf included, HATE family conflicts of any kind. Her fiance knew that his baby momma would be upset over his engagement to another woman... so it was putting it off as long as he could.
As to OngletNYC's post about how he had an obligation to not upset his baby momma, well why should she get that respect? She was the one that got pregnant in the first place in order to try to marry him. She was never ever wife material to him, and never will be. She doesn't get the same level of courtesy that a real ex-wife would get. And by a real ex-wife, I mean a divorced woman where originally the marriage was based on true love and respect, not one where one party manipulated the other into matrimony.
It isnt about respect and courtesy for the mom, it's about respect and courtesy for the child.
I don't find his behaviour suspicious in the least. Most men I know, my father and bf included, HATE family conflicts of any kind. Her fiance knew that his baby momma would be upset over his engagement to another woman... so it was putting it off as long as he could.
As to OngletNYC's post about how he had an obligation to not upset his baby momma, well why should she get that respect? She was the one that got pregnant in the first place in order to try to marry him. She was never ever wife material to him, and never will be. She doesn't get the same level of courtesy that a real ex-wife would get. And by a real ex-wife, I mean a divorced woman where originally the marriage was based on true love and respect, not one where one party manipulated the other into matrimony.
The whole "My ex got pregnant to trap me" bit sounds like it came from the guy. This is his skeezy way of drawing his current girlfriend closer to him by manipulating her into sympathizing with him. Sounds like it worked because OP is just polly-parroting the boyfriend's sentiments.
How men like this are able to get away with stunts like that. Here's why: They have a profound sincere belief that women are their own worst and natural enemies. A good way to control a woman is to pit her against another woman. This way woman in old relationship gets the beatdown he feels she deserves and he gets the upper hand over woman in his new relationship. Only when the man shows his true colors in the marriage will girlfriend realize she has been played.
The whole "My ex got pregnant to trap me" bit sounds like it came from the guy. This is his skeezy way of drawing his current girlfriend closer to him by manipulating her into sympathizing with him. Sounds like it worked because OP is just polly-parroting the boyfriend's sentiments.
How men like this are able to get away with stunts like that. Here's why: They have a profound sincere belief that women are their own worst and natural enemies. A good way to control a woman is to pit her against another woman. This way woman in old relationship gets the beatdown he feels she deserves and he gets the upper hand over woman in his new relationship. Only when the man shows his true colors in the marriage will girlfriend realize she has been played.
Oh how i wish i could rep you. You are so right about this. Brilliant post.
Good points. It seems rather weird to me thatsomething that should be as significant as a marriage of one of them is not discussed between the two parents of a child.
When you raise a child together, even one parent getting a pet cat should probably be mentioned. Does the father not believe this can have an effect on his son enough that the other parent should know about it.
It's almost like he's just sneaking this marriage in -- why the silence? Did he just assume that the child would eventually figure it out and that the child could inform the mother?
I disagree here......
The child has no point of reference in that respect.
Its not the same as a divorce, when parents and child resided together, then seperate and have different residences, move on with their personal life. These two people never lived together.
Where does the secrecy and silence come in here?
The child knows his fathers partner, as far as a 4yrs old is concerned, nothing is changing.
The child has no point of reference in that respect.
Its not the same as a divorce, when parents and child resided together, then seperate and have different residences, move on with their personal life. These two people never lived together.
Where does the secrecy and silence come in here?
The child knows his fathers partner, as far as a 4yrs old is concerned, nothing is changing.
Why the need for the summit meeting?
Because even if there wasn't a marriage before, the child's father is marrying a woman other than his mother. Their being married will change a lot of things with regard to this child. A summit meeting might not be necessary, but why the cavalier attitude as if the ex-girlfriend and the child the two of them made count for nothing? I could see your point if the man was marrying his child's mother, but he is marrying someone else. He's might even ask his father one day:
Dad, why didn't you marry MOM? Why did you marry this lady instead? His attempts to erase his past are going to come back to bite him if they haven't don't so already. His approach to this is unbelievably callous and insensitive and disrespectful to his son.
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