Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Heck, I wouldn't feel very good in Tess's shoes myself. Being good enough to F, but not good enough to marry is certainly a pretty bitter pill to swallow.
seems more like the man is a bum
"every week the exs mom drops him off", your fiance should pick his child up. not leave that burden on the mother.
raising a child is tough work and I couldn't trade my 2 jobs to raise a child instead (I'm saying 2 jobs are easier then raising 1 child).
and now add a job in there and his ex is going through hard times to raise that child.
If you can't make kid #1, don't marry. Kids trump wives.
I agree. If that's the way you live your life, great. But, my kids are a gift to the world, not just to my wife and I. I raise and prepare them for the day they leave our nest, and choose their own mates.
First of all, once children become adults, or move out, their parents will continue to live together for many years, afterwards. Furthermore, when kids grow up, many of them don't even have close relationships with their parents anymore. I don't love my children any less - but I'm closest to the one I sleep with. My kids are a result of my relationship - my relationship is not a result of my kids.
...this all started when SHE dropped off THIER son to OUR house
First of all, congratulation on your engagement.
With that said, I read your original post, which made no mention of a problem when Tess dropped off your step son. I believe the problem started when your fiance's grandmother informed you about Tess. You don't know how Tess really feels. You only know what she told you, i.e. congratulations. And, you don't know what grandma's true intentions were. But, I'm sure you know, the quickest way to get some bull*hit started, is to snitch on someone. Grandma should have stayed out of it. Period. But now, she's smack dab in the middle of it, because she's the one who delivered the news. You shouldn't change your feelings about Tess until SHE gives you a reason to. And, so far, I don't think she has. Talking behind someones back is (1) a sign of respect, and (2) the mark of a coward. If someone isn't afraid of you, they'll confront you in person, not behind your back. All you have to do is continue being the loving individual your fiance wants to marry. You have a lot to be proud of. Don't let anyone, I repeat ANYONE, take that away from you. Good luck.
So you're basically saying a man should marry a woman because he got her pregnant. No, it doesn't work like that no matter how much you want it to. His child isn't #1 because he's not marrying his baby mama? Help me understand this please. Thanks in advance.
Yes, I have adivce as I was a jilted wife with a kid so I can tell you exactly how she is feeling. My first husband took off with a married woman who dumped her kids to be with him..nice! I was left alone with our son in East BumFu**ck Maine with no money, no heating oil, no food and it totally ticked me off. I didn't cry or throw a tantrum over this although I should have; I packed everything that wasn't nailed down, took my son and our dog and got "outta Dodge" and came home to CT. STILL through all this "stuff" I thought this loser was going to come to CT to get me and our son and tell me he was sorry. YAH, right! About 6 mos. later, he marries this woman who also doesn't want anymore kids..gee, do ya think she deserves anymore?
When a woman has a child with a man, there is always some sort of connection. Don't know what to call it but good or bad father, that connections is there. My ex never made an effort to come see his son, send him birthday gifts or even make a phone call and now, my son is grown..43 years old and he STILL wants an apology from his Dad for leaving us.
NO...don't call her up. You have committed yourself to this man who has a child and hopefully he is a good Dad. Having to see her or talk to her as the child's stepmom is going to be important to that childs well being so don't do something that will make you look bad in his eyes or your husbands. Stay calm and understand that you have bought into a package deal and let your husband be the Father that this child needs. I have seen first hand what happens when a man with a child listens to his new wife who doesn't want kids or any part of kids...you get a grown child who dislikes his Dad and wants no part of him..not a great thing to have happen.
Congratulations on your engagement and be ready to make it work with lots of love and patience.
If access is an issue at all, it means baby momma isnt a random lay. If she were, grandma wouldnt be talking to her.
People here think a 65 year old woman is a doddering idiot I suppose. Trust me, they know what time it is better than all of you. Granda would fear access.only if he and baby momma were living as a family unit. I would bet they.were, and since he is close to Gma, baby momma is close to her.too.
Read between the lines, folks.
Doesn't matter what Grandma's status is, she needs to butt out. This is between the parents of the child. Outsider opinions only muddle things.
And it seems I'm in the minority in thinking that the father of the child is wrong in not having a closer talk with the child's mother about the change in his marital status. The woman he plans to marry is now going to have an official status with the child - stepmother. It would be wise to clear the air as to what role she will take in the child's life as far as discipline, responsibility and guidance. Has he considered the legality of his financial responsibilities to the child should something happened to him? In most states, the wife becomes the primary beneficiary for life insurance and there is a change in survivor allocation in property. With a legally bound relationship formed by a marriage, roles change no matter that people think they won't.
Skip all the emotional ra-ra of the child's mother finding out second hand. This sounds like a disorganized situation.
Last edited by silverwing; 04-29-2012 at 07:07 AM..
I'm struggling with it though. First off, I can't sympathize with any woman who thinks a man is suppose to marry them because they have a kid together, I never knew she felt this way. Secondly, how dare she imply that me not wanting kids is some flaw men should be repulsed by? I feel she got it backwards: men should be repulsed by women trying to trap them by having their child. They've been broken up for 4 years, she doesn't have a right to be upset. I WANT to be sympathetic but it's eluding me.
Any advice?
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
x2. Get over it. Why the heck do you want to curse her out? Don't be ridiculous. She's upset, understandably. Just leave the whole damn situation alone. Geesh... grow the heck up. By the way, she couldn't have "trapped" him (another x2) without HIS help. Remember that. This'll pass, so stop acting all offended and like you have to pee on him to mark him as yours. Geesh...
Just ignore all that, they'll come to terms with it. Don't take the aunts calls anymore.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
x2. Get over it. Why the heck do you want to curse her out? Don't be ridiculous. She's upset, understandably. Just leave the whole damn situation alone. Geesh... grow the heck up. By the way, she couldn't have "trapped" him (another 
