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Old 04-29-2012, 07:59 AM
3,413 posts, read 8,497,757 times
Reputation: 1922


Hey everyone! It's been awhile since I posted on here looking for relationship advice, but right now I'm going through a bump in my relationship. It's a long distance relationship, but I felt that we were meant for each other. I feel like she is the closest to the perfect girl I could find: she's beautiful, sweet, caring, has a great personality and sense of humor, and (I'll try to keep this PG-13) she is very satisfying in the bedroom, the best I ever had. The only problem is that she has PTSD from an experience in her past (she was a victim of a crime). A few times, she has had an episode for a few days at a time in which she is very depressed and acts very distant. This time, it has been really bad. I haven't even heard from for 2 days (we usually email each other once a day). Now I'm debating if I should stay with her or end our relationship now. Also, I've already bought a ring. Now I'm thinking I should return it.

Old 04-29-2012, 08:03 AM
Location: a primitive state
9,548 posts, read 19,449,413 times
Reputation: 11455
The problem is probably not her PTSD, but your LD relationship. If you lived nearby you'd know what was going on.
Old 04-29-2012, 09:23 AM
Location: Earth
3,798 posts, read 6,034,234 times
Reputation: 2521
Everyone is perfect in a long distance relationship.

Enough time has past in your relationship to start seeing her true colors. Proceed with caution.
Old 04-29-2012, 09:48 AM
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,089 posts, read 6,646,759 times
Reputation: 7143
The major red flag here is using the term "perfect" to describe a person or a relationship. No one is perfect and no relationship is either. Even wonderful marriages are far from "perfect."

If you have a long distance relationship, that's another red flag. You buy a ring and then think to return it because your GF is depressed for a couple of days? Sorry, you are emphatically NOT ready for engagement or marriage. What in the world do you think marriage is? It doesn't mean sex 6 times a day, lounging by the ocean, no troubles, a "perfect" life with no stress. In a marriage, what are you going to do if your spouse experiences a tragedy and is depressed for a year? Or more? What if they're hit by a car and end up paralyzed? Just blithely walk out the door because they're not "perfect?"

God... so many red flags. Please don't get married to anyone until you take off the rose-colored glasses.
Old 04-29-2012, 09:55 AM
Location: USA
1,809 posts, read 2,146,551 times
Reputation: 4045
No one is perfect dear. And if you're looking for perfection, then yes, take the ring back right now
Old 04-29-2012, 09:58 AM
12,579 posts, read 12,828,809 times
Reputation: 8868
Originally Posted by moonsavvy View Post
Everyone is perfect in a long distance relationship.

Enough time has past in your relationship to start seeing her true colors. Proceed with caution.
^ This ^
In an LDR the "D" makes time spent together more precious since you don't have the luxury of seeing each other consistently.
Old 04-29-2012, 10:29 AM
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,056 posts, read 7,981,321 times
Reputation: 11450
Perhaps you should go read marriage vows - for better or worse, in sickness and in health...you're ready to dump an amazing person because she's dealing with post traumatic stress? Wow...she's going through a rough patch and needs some alone time for a few days so you're ready to take the ring back? You sound extremely selfish. The hard times are when someone needs you the most. It's easy to love someone when they're at their best.

Do this woman a favor and take the ring back. Then she'll be free to find someone a little more understanding who doesn't only want her when she's able to be "perfect".
Old 04-29-2012, 10:35 AM
404 posts, read 697,637 times
Reputation: 515
In sickness & in health, thru good times & bad. Can't handle those rules then no point I proposing. Try learning about PTSD, what her triggers are & how to help her thru those periods instead of running.
Old 04-29-2012, 10:52 AM
18,856 posts, read 30,529,748 times
Reputation: 25990
Good grief! Two days...no e mail....it is OVER!!

That is not a real relationship.
Old 04-29-2012, 11:32 AM
Location: Pawnee Nation
7,525 posts, read 14,563,452 times
Reputation: 7001
You KNOW she deals with PTSD. You have all the internet to learn what is happening and what isn't. I guarantee you that if someone I had bought a ring for was dealing with this kind of situation, I would be camped out near enough to be there for her. Even if she said "Stay away" my response would be "I'll be at the Holiday Inn down the road if you want me for anything......even if it is just to talk."

Yeah, break it off now. Take the ring back.

Mod cut: personal attack.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-01-2012 at 08:32 AM..
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