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Old 09-18-2007, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,526,356 times
Reputation: 999

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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatalady View Post
Sad to say but I have no friends. Not even one. I just got over riping my dad a new one. However, he's the only one who could help me. So, looks like i'll have to put my tail between my legs and ask for his help because i'll need it. My mom and sisters can offer emotional support but that's about it. I've had journals throughout the years, which he read of course, all have pretty much the same things in them. Just proves to me nothings changed or will ever change. My greatest concern at this point is how to support us. It's frustrating that I have to wait 4 months to get back into the workforce.
Department of Child and Family Services...or whatever they call it in your state. Are your children healthy? Do any of them have disabilities? Autism...etc...there is SSI.

You sound like a great mom who bought into promises of a man. There are resources out there that will feed your kids, heat your home, etc.
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Old 09-18-2007, 02:15 PM
 
2,222 posts, read 10,619,216 times
Reputation: 3328
Why can't you tell him you know about the $2,000? He's being dishonest with you about not telling you and/or helping out financially. I think you are enabling him. He's freeloading on you by not sharing expenses. These are HIS children too.

He has an addicted personality which is not being addressed. I would say he needs to get some help for this. There are places like alcoholics annonymous for gambling. He also needs to be upfront about how much money he makes. This should not be a secret. I'm sure he knows how much money you bring in. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he gives a rats arse about his family. This may be due to the addiction, I don't know.

It sounds like you have been paying all the bills anyway. And he doesn't seem to be any help to you. I say kick his arse out and file for child support.
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Old 09-18-2007, 06:47 PM
 
131 posts, read 508,354 times
Reputation: 107
he pays rent,cable and the gas bill. Very minor in comparison to what I pay. Unfortunately my name is not on the lease. When the time gets closer I will see if I can take over the lease.
I don't want to come right out and say I know about the 2 grand just yet 'cause I really am in no mood to argue. Funny thing is last week one of his pens got in the dryer. Well, it so happens that it was all my maternity shirts I just bought with the exception of one his pants. Well, he said he would replace everything that was ruined. Well, I bought those shirts dirt cheap at Target and didn't want to spend too much even though it wasn't "my" money. I went to 2 different stores and ended back at Target. Dreading the fact that I had to pay 3x as much for replacement shirts. Which I didn't replace them all anyway. I hate to shop, especially for myself. Wish I woulda known about the money then because I sure wouldn't have gone to 3 different stores nor cared about the prices.

It's going to be a long 4 months. I just hope I can stay focused and not lose sight of what really needs to happen. Even if he "gets better". I forgive to easy. I look at the good in people which can blur my vision to the realities in front of me.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:13 PM
 
1,649 posts, read 4,983,997 times
Reputation: 1190
I know this isn't what you are asking, but try hitting those ink spots with really cheap hairspray. Then wash them again. You might be able to get a couple of shirts back to wearable.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,195 posts, read 5,397,310 times
Reputation: 476
Sounds like you are very dependant upon him, otherwise I'd say leave him and file for child support, he sounds like a real Jerk. And if like he says "he can do better" give him the opportunity to give it a shot.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,195 posts, read 5,397,310 times
Reputation: 476
Time to cowgirl up, remember everything that you allow him to do is showing your boys that it's alright.
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Old 09-18-2007, 07:35 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,087,136 times
Reputation: 55549
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatalady View Post
Okay here's my situation.
I have been in a long term relationship for 12yrs. We have 3boys and 1 one due in Dec. I am a stay at home mom, I home school my oldest son. I have very little income. Just enough to pay my bills, barely, from disability. I told my partner yesterday that I will be leaving after the baby is born. I've had enough of the crap he's put me through over the years. Yes, yes I know why more kids......N E who....
I have tried to work it out and try different things but he just puts them down from the beginning. This is not the first time I threatened to leave. Every time like clockwork he says he'll do better, he doesn't want us to separate, he doesn't want to be away from the kids, he'll "show" me he will try hard etc....
Hook,line and sinker I always fell for it. Because I do love him and want all things in life to be experienced with him and of course the children.
I am done hearing his lies, and I know that just like always if I stay, he will do well for 2wks max then resort to his old behavior.

Let me try to paint a better picture of why I am leaving: (in no particular order)
he's addicted to buying and selling on e bay. I mean a true addiction.

he argues about spending at least 4hrs daily with me and the kids.

unwillingness to solve a conflict unless he feels threatened with me leaving

dishonesty

Not willing to help out financially

The constant emotional stress he puts me through, then apologizes later as if that erases the hurt

lack of trust (no cheating)

Constant arguing in front of the kids. both our faults
selfish

He always sounds so convincing when he says "one more chance, you'll see"
I was going to say okay, but I checked one of his bank accounts he uses strictly for ebay and lo and behold he had a pay pal deposit of $2,000 on the 13th and he withdrew it the next day! Uh, where's that money???? He never mentioned this at all. Here I am with $46 dollars to last the whole month, every month and he has $700 left after paying bills plus whatever he makes on ebay. Which is pretty good money. I have brought to his attention that I need help paying the bills and he called me money hungry, saying everything is about the money with you and said maybe I can give you $100 dollars a month. Although I knew he could do more I said fine and didn't argue. Needless to say no money. I never ask him for money except that one time. I was usually the bread winner. Paying for everything. now that he makes more money I still pay for everything. No exaggeration.

I can't tell him I know about the $2,000 but I want to so bad. To show him his dishonesty. He used to have a gambling addiction and I still don't trust him to go gambling.
My birthday is coming up and he asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted him to stay off e-bay for a month. Oh boy was that the wrong thing to ask for! So I said 2 weeks. Nope. You would have thought I was asking him to go without food and water! I got called all kinds of crazies. But, whatever.....

I need some words of encouragement that I'm doing the right thing. I really struggle with what's best for the children. I have stayed so many times for their sake. Now, I think it is worse to stay and have them witness the constant arguing and bickering. I have all boys. It is important that they see how a relationship is supposed to be. Right now they don't know any different. I don't want them to inherently treat their spouses the way their father treats me or to think its ok to be in a relationship where there is constant arguing and bickering.
I don't know how I am going to make it, or where I am going to live but I know I can't stay here.

Oh yeah, he snores. We haven't slept in the same bed for 2yrs. I recently asked him to lose 10 lbs so he would stop snoring and we could sleep together again. At first he said okay. But made no effort. Then it was" I didn't think you were serious". Now it's "you think I'm ugly, why don't you lose some weight".
Well, his snoring is due to his weight and so is his diabetes. He is not ugly, yes overweight but not grotesque at all. Not sloppy fat. I kept telling him he could drop that in a week with some effort, but he won't even do just a little bit. which in my mind means he could care less about sleeping in the same bed as me.
well he likes you no doubt about that possibly a lot. i also am guilty of using ebay, i did not see the description of an addict but maybe you left some stuff out. if a light user, i did not know it was a hanging offense. could it be you ar feeling neglected?
sounds like you are tired of him and shared housing wana have your own kids and own life. wana be a single parent household no? do you have job skills, do you need to work to support yourself or are you independently weathy. doesnt sound like you love him any more.
happens all the time women fall in and out of love all the time. not to worry. but these questions about job skills and money are
are burning questions. please address them get a plan and move on.
stephen s
san diego
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Old 09-19-2007, 10:20 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 9,549,961 times
Reputation: 2847
Dump the free loader!

Him "You are money hungry!"

You, "yea, free loaders make me that way!"

Child support is due you too and those kids deserve it so go for it!
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Old 09-20-2007, 12:16 PM
 
131 posts, read 508,354 times
Reputation: 107
If I didn't have enough to deal with, my computer crashed yesterday!
Interesting twist: He gave me $1200 to put into savings yesterday. He also said he would pay to get my laptop fixed or buy me a new one if necessary.

Bunker39: I am very much in love with him. If I didn't love him then I would have left a long time ago. Also, the pain he has put me through wouldn't hurt so bad. Yes, he is absolutely addicted to ebay. Trust me. When you plan your day around the mail-man that's an issue. When he wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee, he has to click on ebay to see what's going on with whatever he's buying and selling. When his parents come over he has to hide all his shipping supplies and dvds. Why?
When he first wakes up in the morning he checks his computer first, sending invoices, calling ebay or pay pal etc.... This is before he takes care of himself!

Another twist: He has a little over $5,000 in his paypal account! Uh, Can we say holy cow dung! I told him yesterday that he must be making good money on ebay, he said "I'm doing okay". I'd say that's more than okay.
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Old 09-20-2007, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,195 posts, read 5,397,310 times
Reputation: 476
Have him put some of the money to work and help out with the household bills.
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