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I CAN take care of myself (and have, I was free and single for many years). It's nice to know that I'm part of a partnership, though, and wouldn't HAVE to in a crisis.
Hmmmm....well my husband is a "provider" I guess. I stay at home currently with our kids (although I pick up some freelance work and am starting to do more as our kids get older). But I've never felt unequal to him, of course he's never made me feel that way.
I have a good college degree and could get a nice job if I needed one. I think being capable of providing for yourself is important, but I don't think that everything needs to financially equal. I cook good meals, take care of the kids, volunteer, clean the house and manage our finances...my husband looks at that as providing too. That said if he walked out tomorrow I would be able to support our family without him, although not at the same level.
I do think the person the OP mentioned needs to understand that what we want and what is financially feasible is not always the same thing.
Say she wished he go to college & get a better job for the lifestyle she wants... in the end, still no guarantee he may actually get that perfect job for that perfect dream she has (reality check.. how many jobless grads today?).
**Also, where is the money to go to college???
Who is going to pay for that loan & when there is a loan... especially not paid off... what chances does she think she have to get another loan for a house??? If it may be that dream house she wants???
Dreaming is not a reality... reality needs that reality check.
If "she" wants something done, "her way"... the best way to get it is NOT through relying on someone else (even her hubby) to do it BUT to get that herself. Meaning maybe she should get a job & start providing so they can make that money for that dream house???
Also when it comes to love... it is just like a choice of that house (say going for that sale of a house in a bad hood etc. or choosing that money pit to stay in a awesome hood)...
You usually gets what you chose to choose, mistake or not.
How much does she love him???
Does she love him or that house she dreams she can potentially have with him going to college????
THAT! Is the question.
P.S. My hubby knows for a fact, even if the house, land, his job, our lifestyle is gone tomorrow by god's hands... My house & home is where he & our family is.
So long everyone is healthy & safe. We'll just all go "hobo-ing" together... no prob.
Think "like a cat"... what basic my kitty taught me to appreciate & then whatever extras that comes along in life is appreciated like "gravy".
Nothing creates equal footing, and thus respect and appreciation, as NOT financial needing the other person.
I don't need my SO's financial support...but, nonetheless, he is the chief breadwinner in our household. Were I on my own, I could support myself...but I would do things differently on just my income than I do on our combined incomes, obviously. Our incomes may not be equivalent, but we both earn enough to support ourselves individually. I supported myself individually for years prior to being with him, and I made a lot less than I make now.
I've got an Ivy League degree, and my parents emphasized academics throughout my childhood. Although my mother would love for me to "bag" a rich guy, I was not raised to be dependent on anyone. Though we were firmly middle class, my roots going back a generation or two are purely working class, so I tend to gravitate towards men who make significantly less than I do, because that is what is familiar to me.
If a guy is heavily invested in being a provider, I'm going to wonder what's wrong with him. What is so lacking in him that he needs that kind of validation? Why does he need that kind of "edge" over me? The men I have dated have been very proud of my career and education. I'm not looking for a provider, nor do I need one. What I want is someone who is secure in themselves and respects my strengths as an individual. If he gets his panties in a knot over my salary being bigger than his, he might as well chop his man parts off right in front of me.
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