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Old 05-10-2012, 04:24 PM
 
Location: 33612
133 posts, read 191,733 times
Reputation: 120

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Do you use "I" and "Me" more than "us"" we" and ""them"
Do you turn everything into a story about yourself and an experience you have had?
If you date a girl are you doing her a favor?


If you answered yes to any of these you might need a little humbling.
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Old 05-10-2012, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 580,480 times
Reputation: 388
What a great question! I have no idea...it's something I've wondered about. Ask the people you trust and know will be real with you for insight if you really want to know because we can't tell you.
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Old 05-12-2012, 11:52 AM
 
7,868 posts, read 10,247,323 times
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the term " arrogant " has become far too over used , at this stage its almost a substitute for the word evil , especially for women who are very quick to use it as a way of cutting a man down to size , despite this , women love arrogant men and have nothing but contempt for meek humble men , in reality arrogance is largely about perception , some people are quite intollerant of colourfull maverick type charechters who are slow to get with the programme and perfer to challenge the status quo

thier are degrees of arrogance , some arrogant people carry it well through sheer charisma and individuality , others who are void of any charisma or humour ( authoritarian types ) make arrogance about the most obnoxious trait thier is , the most arrogant people of all have this obsessive need to challenge ( percieved ) arrogance in others , in essence , only they are allowed be arrogant
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Old 05-12-2012, 12:06 PM
 
943 posts, read 1,837,811 times
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Im concited and self centered, Happy about it too.......
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:17 AM
 
50,339 posts, read 35,975,050 times
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Here's a nice little article about it, below. Basically confidence is internal, and a confident person doesn't feel the need for anyone else to think they are right, or feel the need to make others feel small, less smart, etc. Arrogance is really born of insecurity, where confidence is the opposite. A confident person can acknowledge others' strengths without feeling threatened by them, arrogant people need to feel they're smartest guy in the room and needs other people to think that, too.

"Arrogant people are often solemn, self-righteous, and seem to be self-involved to the exclusion of others. They are haughty, demanding respect from others, and yet offering it to only a very few. There’s a “closed system” feel about them. When they condescend and when they pontificate, they have no idea how repellent they are, because they are not attuned to the effect they have on others.
When I think about the aura that surrounds confident people — the ones who seem free of arrogance — it’s always fairly good humored, and there’s a lively curiousity about the world, an authentic interest in others. The confident person is good at something, knows it, and is able to rely on those skills and abilities in a relaxed manner. The confident attitude is an attractive one, easy to be around; the confident person seems dependable and admirable.
Some arrogant people can be very good at what they do. No question. So, when we accuse someone of arrogance, I think we mean: “You may be an expert but your tone is offensive. You don’t see me; you don’t acknowledge me; you don’t value me.” And when we admire someone’s confidence, I think we are saying, “I appreciate your abilities because you can be a virtuoso without making me feel insignificant.”
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:56 AM
 
199 posts, read 390,435 times
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Most people that are arrogant and boastful are actually quite insecure inside.

The most secure, confident types don't have to advertise that fact....
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Old 05-13-2012, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,688 posts, read 5,002,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
Here's a nice little article about it, below. Basically confidence is internal, and a confident person doesn't feel the need for anyone else to think they are right, or feel the need to make others feel small, less smart, etc. Arrogance is really born of insecurity, where confidence is the opposite. A confident person can acknowledge others' strengths without feeling threatened by them, arrogant people need to feel they're smartest guy in the room and needs other people to think that, too.

"Arrogant people are often solemn, self-righteous, and seem to be self-involved to the exclusion of others. They are haughty, demanding respect from others, and yet offering it to only a very few. There’s a “closed system” feel about them. When they condescend and when they pontificate, they have no idea how repellent they are, because they are not attuned to the effect they have on others.
When I think about the aura that surrounds confident people — the ones who seem free of arrogance — it’s always fairly good humored, and there’s a lively curiousity about the world, an authentic interest in others. The confident person is good at something, knows it, and is able to rely on those skills and abilities in a relaxed manner. The confident attitude is an attractive one, easy to be around; the confident person seems dependable and admirable.
Some arrogant people can be very good at what they do. No question. So, when we accuse someone of arrogance, I think we mean: “You may be an expert but your tone is offensive. You don’t see me; you don’t acknowledge me; you don’t value me.” And when we admire someone’s confidence, I think we are saying, “I appreciate your abilities because you can be a virtuoso without making me feel insignificant.”

THIS. Yep.

It's precisely what I was getting at when referring to stepping stones versus steps along the way, the coaches and mentors scenario.


It's marriages, romantic relationships, social conversations, meetings.


I, too, have noticed the difference between that person who is capable, the one who enters the room and the rest KNOW that person is "in charge" even if there's nothing specific to be in charge of -- and people DON'T resent them. They may envy them somewhat, but there's no feeling of condescension, no sense of being forced into a demeaning position. More often there is admiration, a desire to be closer to them, pursue their company, share with them, learn from them.

It's NOT as simple as "charisma"; it's how that person handles others long-term, how they interact. It's more than merely being "nice"; they KNOW they are capable and strong, KNOW they really do generall know better, but also know there's no need to DOMINATE, because they OWN that higher ground.


Then there are those people who enter the room and they, too, are strong and capable; but when they enter, several people inwardly flinch, keep their own conversations going even if they, themselves, are perfectly confident.

Such a person leaves those in his/her wake feeling trampled, often irritable. No one argues in order to BE wrong, but this particular type MUST be correct, even if it means red herrings, twisted words, improperly recalled events. They are free to say A today and B tomorrow and be adamant about both because their lives really are FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT, NOT for the sake of resolution.



But given the nature of the thread itself, regarding how one determines whether or not one is arrogant and/or selfish...


I'd say the quickest way is to ask oneself WHY that would be an important question, and then to pay very close attention to one's own feelings in a very, very honest fashion of which FEW are capable.


WHY do you want to know how to tell whether you're arrogant or selfish?


Is it because you secretly already "know" you are not and merely want points made so you can tick them off a list when you disagree with them?

Is it because you REALLY want to know because you're worried you may not be the person you believed yourself, and you wish to mend your ways? Is it because you've noticed your status slipping and you wish to regain your ability to influence people?


If ANYWHERE within those moments of self-consideration the idea of "controlling others" even FLICKERED, if the idea of bettering your lot in life by getting what you want out of others passed by and felt good -- then you are self-centered.


As I said before: SOME degree of self-preservation, self-betterment is essential, and that requires a degree of self-awareness, even self-interest (which can be mistaken for self-centredness). It's just a GIVEN.

But it's NOT the same thing, and I think everyone knows it if they have even a shred of conscience. I think the difference lies in whether you need to explain your actions -- or spend a lot of time justifying them.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Chicagoland
5,749 posts, read 10,345,477 times
Reputation: 7010
Quote:
Originally Posted by WFW&P View Post
Highlighted in red is my opinion of someone who is full of theirself, a pretty good example I may add. Reading through the conversation GC provides a legitimate enough response stating he & his wife are "really confident & self-assured."
However, when asked how it was when they were dating the opportunity is used to tag himself and his wife with haughty labels.
"Haughty labels" to some, while "traits of achievement" to others. We feel we are confident, self-assured, effective (traits of success), while you interpret it as "full of ourselves" having not even met us. That is my point that others often misinterpret confidence, assertiveness, attractiveness, education, and leadership as "full of themselves" and even "insecurity" and often subliminally want to see successful people fail. This is the human nature of competition and survival of the fittest.

Opinions of strangers don't matter as we are happy, successful, loving people who surround ourselves with supportive, loyal, caring people which is key. Leaders cannot let all the naysayers in the world affect them. We take on the great responsibility and great risk of leadership. We walk the very fine line between great success and utter failure. We draw people who love us, along with people who dislike us. Often, the healthiest, most sane and effective response is to not care what the detractors say unless, of course, it has greatly affected intimate relationships, friendships or business, which it has not for us. Happily married for almost 15 years with a wonderful group of friends. It helps to surround yourself with other like-minded, supportive people.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post
As I said before: SOME degree of self-preservation, self-betterment is essential, and that requires a degree of self-awareness, even self-interest (which can be mistaken for self-centredness). It's just a GIVEN.

But it's NOT the same thing, and I think everyone knows it if they have even a shred of conscience. I think the difference lies in whether you need to explain your actions -- or spend a lot of time justifying them.
I completely agree with the above...

Last edited by GoCUBS1; 05-13-2012 at 10:20 AM..
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Old 05-13-2012, 05:31 PM
 
12,573 posts, read 15,523,863 times
Reputation: 8960
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
It was a power struggle (still is sometimes). We both always want to be in charge and think we know it all. We are both eldest children, assertive, leaders, Type-A people. We are also "unmanageable" (meaning we don't take direction well from others, hence we started our own businesses).

I think many think this is a bad combination. But we've been happily married for almost 15 years, and we've even created mini-me self-confident versions of ourselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoCUBS1 View Post
"Haughty labels" to some, while "traits of achievement" to others. We feel we are confident, self-assured, effective (traits of success), while you interpret it as "full of ourselves" having not even met us. That is my point that others often misinterpret confidence, assertiveness, attractiveness, education, and leadership as "full of themselves" and even "insecurity" and often subliminally want to see successful people fail. This is the human nature of competition and survival of the fittest.

Opinions of strangers don't matter as we are happy, successful, loving people who surround ourselves with supportive, loyal, caring people which is key. Leaders cannot let all the naysayers in the world affect them. We take on the great responsibility and great risk of leadership. We walk the very fine line between great success and utter failure. We draw people who love us, along with people who dislike us. Often, the healthiest, most sane and effective response is to not care what the detractors say unless, of course, it has greatly affected intimate relationships, friendships or business, which it has not for us. Happily married for almost 15 years with a wonderful group of friends. It helps to surround yourself with other like-minded, supportive people.
You say "traits of acheivement" I say "haughty labels" as you were eager to throw them out to BNE like a dog pissing on a hydrant. Truly self-confidents need not label themselves, can often be quite humble, and can be manageable since not all are self-employed or CEOs. If opinions of strangers don't matter why did you respond to my deleted post?
To the OP: if you exhibit the traits in bold, IMO you're full of yourself.
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Old 05-13-2012, 05:55 PM
 
733 posts, read 1,660,871 times
Reputation: 886
I think someone is arrogant when they don't consult others when making big life-changing decisions. I think it's always a good idea to get multiple perspectives on the major issues/life choices, even if some of those could be total crap. Someone who thinks they have nothing to learn from others, to me, is arrogant.
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