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Old 05-02-2012, 12:23 AM
 
Location: TCP-IP, Cybernation
546 posts, read 1,022,490 times
Reputation: 493

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I was talking to a girl who had rejected me about why she rejected me. I asked because we were friends and I was just curious why she didn't have any feelings for me. She told me that she thinks I'm conceited and "full of myself"...


I was really, really surprised. I don't really view myself with those qualities but can some of you share your experiences with dealing with someone who's conceited and/or full of himself? What are some examples of some behaviours that could be viewed as conceited and/or full of himself?


I can understand "conceited" because I may have been too confident when being with her... but I'm naturally really sure of my opinions and perhaps can seem too confident.


I can't at all understand why she'd say I'm too full of myself. I don't brag about myself in front of her. I may talk about myself but only to make her know me better.

I talked to my best friend about it and he thinks I might be a bit too arrogant but he's fine with that. But he definitely doesn't think I'm self-centered in the form of being selfish and egotistic. He thinks I'm really sure of my opinions and decisions but I obviously don't use it to brag or feel superior.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:43 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,691 posts, read 23,646,571 times
Reputation: 11862
I would say ALWAYS thinking you're right when you're wrong, and even when you do see you're wrong, refusing to admit it.

When you find yourself always talking about yourself and not caring about the other person.

Just a generally haughty demeanor - as if you're smarter-than-thou, that sort of thing.

Just some obvious things.
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Old 05-02-2012, 01:03 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 6,362,252 times
Reputation: 12382
Well you tell us, Malkiel...

Do you think you are smarter than most people?

Do you think you are better than most people?

Do you think you deserve most girls you meet, or better?

Regardless of what you admit to us in this thread, if you answer "yes" to any those questions in your head, that belief can/does show in your words and actions, and people pick up on it and read "arrogant" and "conceited".
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,602,373 times
Reputation: 5646
We all go through periods where others really are affecting our lives, almost uncontrollably. However, do you find that when reflecting on your life and the inherent events, you "only" did negative things BECAUSE of someone else, even if those things were to your advantage?

Do you find yourself essentially guiltless with regard to conflicts you share with others? Actually feel that sure, you said things, did things, BUT it was ONLY because THEY [insert act/behaviour/words here]?

Do you find that you like to give advice but the advice of others strikes you as small, insignificant or just downright stupid? Do you like to tell others what they need to think or do, but feel (even if you never express it openly) that when they offer the same, they really don't know what they're talking about?

Do you find that your thoughts and actions are justifiable while those of others are acts of stupidity, close-mindedness or ignorance?

When others tell you of an experience, do you find that you'd rather tell them about yours?

Do you recommend things to others but have no interest in their reciprocal recommendations? Do you find that what others hold meaningful you would just as soon put on a shelf and walk away?

Do you frequently find yourself pitying others for their limit of breadth and scope compared to your own?

Do you find that you can pick apart negative things about others, but when you encounter your own and you can't necessarily justify them, you prefer to sweep them beneath the rug and ignore them? Do you academically know you do things wrong but never take the time to really feel and digest them in order to wrap your mind adequately around them, perhaps correct them, because in that very secret place you DON'T feel you actually did anything wrong?


I think everyone has a certain degree of egocentrism. I think some is healthy, a part of self-preservation. But when you lose the ability to relate to others because you "just know better", when their feelings are "illogical" while your own are meaningful -- you've begun the path to self-centeredness.
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Old 05-02-2012, 05:02 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
7,574 posts, read 13,414,145 times
Reputation: 7068
Or the girl just doesn't relate to your style. Asking friends and family about it is a good approach. All of us have some room for improvement. Feel grateful that she provided you with an opportunity for introspection.
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Old 05-02-2012, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
16,375 posts, read 13,766,044 times
Reputation: 28634
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
Well you tell us, Malkiel...

Do you think you are smarter than most people?

Do you think you are better than most people?

Do you think you deserve most girls you meet, or better?

Regardless of what you admit to us in this thread, if you answer "yes" to any those questions in your head, that belief can/does show in your words and actions, and people pick up on it and read "arrogant" and "conceited".
This is the perfect way to answer this. YOU know in your head if you have a sense of entitlement, if you are self-centered.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. It usually has to do with your intent.

Do you interrupt people, or look past them while they're talking, waiting YOUR turn to speak?

Do you constantly compare stuff they tell you to stuff you've experienced? Sometimes that comes off as one-upmanship.

Do you hold others to standards you don't make yourself live up to?

I've heard a phrase that applies to this: Arrogance blames; humility takes responsibility.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:07 AM
 
9,416 posts, read 6,962,686 times
Reputation: 19849
If someone came straight out like that and told you, then you have a problem.

Your posts reflect your arrogance as well.

You are not the best thing since sliced bread, none of us are, so deal with it.

Arrogance is a very ugly trait in my opinion and one best changed as soon as possible.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC
2,482 posts, read 1,937,011 times
Reputation: 3208
Malkiel, I think you are navigating the difficult line between being a confident man (women want confident men), and being a trusted, comfortable person to be around (women must be comfortable with someone).

So I think to people she doesn't care about (strangers) you need to show that confident side... but to her you need to communicate to her that she is better than you... that you aspire to her.

I'm assuming she is a hot, competitive woman btw. Everything is different if she is non-competitive.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:18 AM
 
26,415 posts, read 30,111,201 times
Reputation: 37712
If one person says it, don't worry. If multiple people whose opinion you respect say it, well....
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:42 AM
 
1,384 posts, read 1,247,768 times
Reputation: 1134
if you have to ask.. you probably are
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