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Unread 05-02-2012, 12:23 AM
 
Location: TCP-IP, Cybernation
546 posts, read 787,889 times
Reputation: 481
Default How can you tell if you're arrogant and self-centered?

I was talking to a girl who had rejected me about why she rejected me. I asked because we were friends and I was just curious why she didn't have any feelings for me. She told me that she thinks I'm conceited and "full of myself"...


I was really, really surprised. I don't really view myself with those qualities but can some of you share your experiences with dealing with someone who's conceited and/or full of himself? What are some examples of some behaviours that could be viewed as conceited and/or full of himself?


I can understand "conceited" because I may have been too confident when being with her... but I'm naturally really sure of my opinions and perhaps can seem too confident.


I can't at all understand why she'd say I'm too full of myself. I don't brag about myself in front of her. I may talk about myself but only to make her know me better.

I talked to my best friend about it and he thinks I might be a bit too arrogant but he's fine with that. But he definitely doesn't think I'm self-centered in the form of being selfish and egotistic. He thinks I'm really sure of my opinions and decisions but I obviously don't use it to brag or feel superior.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 12:43 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,695 posts, read 15,396,441 times
Reputation: 11862
I would say ALWAYS thinking you're right when you're wrong, and even when you do see you're wrong, refusing to admit it.

When you find yourself always talking about yourself and not caring about the other person.

Just a generally haughty demeanor - as if you're smarter-than-thou, that sort of thing.

Just some obvious things.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 01:03 AM
 
10,455 posts, read 4,506,364 times
Reputation: 12294
Well you tell us, Malkiel...

Do you think you are smarter than most people?

Do you think you are better than most people?

Do you think you deserve most girls you meet, or better?

Regardless of what you admit to us in this thread, if you answer "yes" to any those questions in your head, that belief can/does show in your words and actions, and people pick up on it and read "arrogant" and "conceited".
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Unread 05-02-2012, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,003,030 times
Reputation: 5598
We all go through periods where others really are affecting our lives, almost uncontrollably. However, do you find that when reflecting on your life and the inherent events, you "only" did negative things BECAUSE of someone else, even if those things were to your advantage?

Do you find yourself essentially guiltless with regard to conflicts you share with others? Actually feel that sure, you said things, did things, BUT it was ONLY because THEY [insert act/behaviour/words here]?

Do you find that you like to give advice but the advice of others strikes you as small, insignificant or just downright stupid? Do you like to tell others what they need to think or do, but feel (even if you never express it openly) that when they offer the same, they really don't know what they're talking about?

Do you find that your thoughts and actions are justifiable while those of others are acts of stupidity, close-mindedness or ignorance?

When others tell you of an experience, do you find that you'd rather tell them about yours?

Do you recommend things to others but have no interest in their reciprocal recommendations? Do you find that what others hold meaningful you would just as soon put on a shelf and walk away?

Do you frequently find yourself pitying others for their limit of breadth and scope compared to your own?

Do you find that you can pick apart negative things about others, but when you encounter your own and you can't necessarily justify them, you prefer to sweep them beneath the rug and ignore them? Do you academically know you do things wrong but never take the time to really feel and digest them in order to wrap your mind adequately around them, perhaps correct them, because in that very secret place you DON'T feel you actually did anything wrong?


I think everyone has a certain degree of egocentrism. I think some is healthy, a part of self-preservation. But when you lose the ability to relate to others because you "just know better", when their feelings are "illogical" while your own are meaningful -- you've begun the path to self-centeredness.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 05:02 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
6,493 posts, read 10,520,666 times
Reputation: 5533
Or the girl just doesn't relate to your style. Asking friends and family about it is a good approach. All of us have some room for improvement. Feel grateful that she provided you with an opportunity for introspection.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
9,273 posts, read 6,639,974 times
Reputation: 14510
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
Well you tell us, Malkiel...

Do you think you are smarter than most people?

Do you think you are better than most people?

Do you think you deserve most girls you meet, or better?

Regardless of what you admit to us in this thread, if you answer "yes" to any those questions in your head, that belief can/does show in your words and actions, and people pick up on it and read "arrogant" and "conceited".
This is the perfect way to answer this. YOU know in your head if you have a sense of entitlement, if you are self-centered.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. It usually has to do with your intent.

Do you interrupt people, or look past them while they're talking, waiting YOUR turn to speak?

Do you constantly compare stuff they tell you to stuff you've experienced? Sometimes that comes off as one-upmanship.

Do you hold others to standards you don't make yourself live up to?

I've heard a phrase that applies to this: Arrogance blames; humility takes responsibility.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 07:07 AM
 
7,670 posts, read 4,556,813 times
Reputation: 15445
If someone came straight out like that and told you, then you have a problem.

Your posts reflect your arrogance as well.

You are not the best thing since sliced bread, none of us are, so deal with it.

Arrogance is a very ugly trait in my opinion and one best changed as soon as possible.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC
2,059 posts, read 1,268,164 times
Reputation: 2336
Malkiel, I think you are navigating the difficult line between being a confident man (women want confident men), and being a trusted, comfortable person to be around (women must be comfortable with someone).

So I think to people she doesn't care about (strangers) you need to show that confident side... but to her you need to communicate to her that she is better than you... that you aspire to her.

I'm assuming she is a hot, competitive woman btw. Everything is different if she is non-competitive.
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Unread 05-02-2012, 07:18 AM
 
23,214 posts, read 22,738,061 times
Reputation: 29995
If one person says it, don't worry. If multiple people whose opinion you respect say it, well....
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Unread 05-02-2012, 07:42 AM
 
1,206 posts, read 794,062 times
Reputation: 939
if you have to ask.. you probably are
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