Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's not a hypothetical situation. I grew up with both my parents. While I think neither of them were fit to have children in the first place, I believe that some people, regardless if they find a mate, are well (or in some cases better) equipped to raise and care for a child.
Case in point. Divorce rated (extremely high and often damaging to a child). Is it worse to be a single parent? Or have a spouse and then divorce for various reasons and have your child bare witness to that? Or even worse, stay in an unhealthy relationship?
Yes, it is better in my opinion. Both your parents may have been unfit, but you had two. I never had one of them. I never had a father to bring to father/daughter dances. I never had anyone to give my "fathers day gifts" to, and most importantly, I never had a father. Of course things happen....fathers die or run away, but that doesn't mean we should reduce our standard to the lowest common denominator because crap sometimes happens. Don't start out this child's life behind the 8-ball without a mother. Start out trying to achieve the ideal and deal with the punches as they happen. By your logic, we should encourage crack addicts to have children because once in awhile sober people become prescription drug addicts too. So you might as well just let the crack addicts who "truly want" children to have them.
Yes, it is better in my opinion. Both your parents may have been unfit, but you had two. I never had one of them. I never had a father to bring to father/daughter dances. I never had anyone to give my "fathers day gifts" to, and most importantly, I never had a father. Of course things happen....fathers die or run away, but that doesn't mean we should reduce our standard to the lowest common denominator because crap sometimes happens. Don't start out this child's life behind the 8-ball without a mother. Start out trying to achieve the ideal and deal with the punches as they happen. By your logic, we should encourage crack addicts to have children because once in awhile sober people become prescription drug addicts too. So you might as well just let the crack addicts who "truly want" children to have them.
Let's raise the bar back to where it should be.
So your saying you would rather have my physically abusive father than no father? Because it completed the picture (raised the standard)??
I have no problem with a single person adopting a child, but that person does have to consider some factors that a two-parent family might not. Do you have a strong family/friend support network that can help you? Is your job flexible enough to allow you to take time off for illness, events, etc? If you don't have any family backup and consistently work 12-hour days, then who is going to be around for your kid?
Thanks for your comments and feedback. To answer some of the questions: yes I work on a flexible schedule at work, where I can vary my shift hours as needed. No strong friend support network; that ship pretty much sailed in and after college. Family may or may not want to assist with helping to some of the childcare duties -- they strongly philosophically disagree with my interest in the adoption / surrogacy options. I work 8-10+ hour days at work, depending on the workload each day, although my ongoing employment prospects are very stable and secure (as I currently work for Uncle Sam).
So your saying you would rather have my physically abusive father than no father? Because it completed the picture (raised the standard)??
No. I'm saying let's raise the bar. You're comparing apples to oranges. I had a single mother who was verbally abusive and sometimes neglectful due to the fact that she became mentally ill. She wasn't when she got pregnant but life throws curveballs. I would have been better off if I had a father in my life who could take the reigns while my mother was institutionalized for months at a time.
All things being equal, two parents are better than one. The OP may be a fine father, but the child will still have a better life if he can find a mother for his child.
No. I'm saying let's raise the bar. You're comparing apples to oranges. I had a single mother who was verbally abusive and sometimes neglectful due to the fact that she became mentally ill. She wasn't when she got pregnant but life throws curveballs. I would have been better off if I had a father in my life who could take the reigns while my mother was institutionalized for months at a time.
All things being equal, two parents are better than one. The OP may be a fine father, but the child will still have a better life if he can find a mother for his child.
Yes OP, please follow in so many divorce's footsteps...marry a women just in order to procreate.
I'm sure that will turn out well, but hey, at least you wont have to live with the "shame" of being a single father...just the shame of marrying someone you don't love but that you married just to have a child.
Yes OP, please follow in so many divorce's footsteps...marry a women just in order to procreate.
I'm sure that will turn out well, but hey, at least you wont have to live with the "shame" of being a single father...just the shame of marrying someone you don't love but that you married just to have a child.
You seem to have a warped view of the world. Did you ever consider the possibility that the OP could possibly find a woman he loves? His chances are slimmer if he takes on a child since many women won't want to be step-mom.
Even if he did do what you said, this child would have a MOTHER. The poor kid may have to endure visitation and all the other junk that comes with divorce (a shame to be sure), but the child would still have MOM. Something you seem to be completely dismissing.....
Also, you keep fixating on the "shame" of single parenting. I've never tried to shame anyone for being a single parent. I think it's a bad idea. It's not about shaming the adult, it's about the CHILD.
Last edited by southshorelady; 05-02-2012 at 12:42 PM..
Reason: add something
You seem to have a warped view of the world. Did you ever consider the possibility that the OP could possibly find a woman he loves? His chances are slimmer if he takes on a child since many women won't want to be step-mom.
Even if he did do what you said, this child would have a MOTHER. The poor kid may have to endure visitation and all the other junk that comes with divorce (a shame to be sure), but the child would still have MOM. Something you seem to be completely dismissing.....
Also, you keep fixating on the "shame" of single parenting. I've never tried to shame anyone for being a single parent. I think it's a bad idea. It's not about shaming the adult, it's about the CHILD.
Hmm so what's worse...not having a mother or waiting to find someone you love (which may never happen BTW) all the while aging and increasing the probability of birth defects and the likelihood that raising a child in old age will be detrimental to the child as well-especially as health and mobility will decline.
Edit: I would much rather have one stable parent then two unstable ones.
Last edited by findly185; 05-02-2012 at 12:57 PM..
I don't see anything wrong with this. In an ideal world, all kids would be born to two loving parents, but we do not live in an ideal world. True love and happily ever after doesn't work out for everyone. That doesn't mean they should be denied the chance to be a parent.
Ricky Martin adopted his kid didnt he? Let's see how that kid turns out when he finds out he's adopted, doesnt have a mommy, or that his daddy is both mommy and daddy, if you know what I mean.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
