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Old 05-02-2012, 11:53 AM
 
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Guys: have you ever seriously considered one possible option for having your own family, in which you would basically either adopt a child or have a child via a female surrogate? In essence, to be a single father, either by choice, or simply if no women at all were viably willing to marry you and have a child by you as a potential romantic partner or spouse?

I know that nowadays, a not statistically-insignificant portion of the female gender may opt for this (i.e., being a single mother by choice through artificial insemination, etc.), but what about single fathers though? The main reason I ask is because I have come to the conclusion that ultimately, if I am never to be married in the future for whatever reason (I'm not saying this is inevitable for me by any means, but is certainly a real possibility nevertheless), this is really the only way I can think of, to be able to have my own loving family, if all else fails and as the option of last resort.

Thoughts? Would you consider using this method, if you potentially had to and you had no other real alternatives? Also do you think it would be unfair and unjust to the child, for that child to have to grow up without a true mother, even though a single father and as the full caregiver, you would technically be fulfilling both the mother and father parenting roles? (This is what my immediate / non-spousal family's reaction was, when I told them I was considering this as a failsafe option if all other possible options were unsuccessful, and if having a loving wife was simply not going to happen for me -- they said they thought that it was extremely unfair and cruel to deprive a child of having a mother. To play the devil's advocate though, one could also make the same case for single-mother households, that it is unfair for the children of single mothers to have to live their lives without having a father, too...)
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Old 05-02-2012, 11:57 AM
 
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I don't like when women make this choice and I also don't like it when men make it either. I know there's plenty of people who vehemently disagree with me, but I think a child deserves a mother and a father. I grew up without a father, and yes, I do resent it. Obviously I wouldn't be here if my mother made a different choice, but I still think it was selfish.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,305,619 times
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I think that there are plenty of people who would make good, caring, loving parents, who haven't had the good fortune to meet somebody with whom they would like to have a child and who wants to have a child with them.

All that matters to me in parenting is that those who choose it have a capacity for caring for his or her child and providing the best possible life for the child.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:05 PM
 
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I don't know where people get off thinking that someone with a mother and a father is so much better off than someone with only one. There are a an equal amount of problems that can come from a couple raising a child versus a single mother or father.

If a responsible and caring individual wants to raise a child who is to say they are less equipped than the Jones' who have infidelity issues, argue all the time, are physically, verbally, mentally abusive, but stay together just because they have a child?
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
11,327 posts, read 9,213,633 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southshorelady View Post
I don't like when women make this choice and I also don't like it when men make it either. I know there's plenty of people who vehemently disagree with me, but I think a child deserves a mother and a father. I grew up without a father, and yes, I do resent it. Obviously I wouldn't be here if my mother made a different choice, but I still think it was selfish.
Sometimes a kid is better off without the father.

I know my life and childhood would have been better.

As far as the topic I never had the desire to have children but think it's fine for a child to grow up with one parent. As long as there is love I see no problem.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
155 posts, read 251,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009 View Post
Guys: have you ever seriously considered one possible option for having your own family, in which you would basically either adopt a child or have a child via a female surrogate? In essence, to be a single father, either by choice, or simply if no women at all were viably willing to marry you and have a child by you as a potential romantic partner or spouse?
NO. Its a horrible decision when women choose to become single out-of-wedlock-moms and its a horrible decision for a single guy to choose to become a single father. Kids need and should have BOTH parents. Real life for humans is not like some Disney Chimpanzee movie that is all cute and heartwarming. Im sure that is where the OP got this from. I believe that marriage comes first, then children.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
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No.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:26 PM
 
460 posts, read 669,891 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
I don't know where people get off thinking that someone with a mother and a father is so much better off than someone with only one. There are a an equal amount of problems that can come from a couple raising a child versus a single mother or father.

If a responsible and caring individual wants to raise a child who is to say they are less equipped than the Jones' who have infidelity issues, argue all the time, are physically, verbally, mentally abusive, but stay together just because they have a child?
Why, oh why, in these hypothetical situations are the single parents always paragons of everything good in the world and the married couples are always arguing, lying, abusive cheaters? Can't we argue that all things being equal, children are better off with both a mother and a father. The premise of your argument is faulty and way over done.

I'm not perfect. My husband isn't perfect. Together, though, we make a great SET of parents that balance each other out. My children would not be better off without their father nor would they be better off without me.
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:31 PM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,280,303 times
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It's not a hypothetical situation. I grew up with both my parents. While I think neither of them were fit to have children in the first place, I believe that some people, regardless if they find a mate, are well (or in some cases better) equipped to raise and care for a child.

Case in point. Divorce rated (extremely high and often damaging to a child). Is it worse to be a single parent? Or have a spouse and then divorce for various reasons and have your child bare witness to that? Or even worse, stay in an unhealthy relationship?
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Old 05-02-2012, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
3,688 posts, read 4,999,660 times
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I have one child and I'm wild about him. I've made some very unfortunate choices with regard to partners and I know now that I'll likely never marry again -- but I would love more children. I'm a good father, good at BEING a father and a dad. I LOVE being a dad, despite the hardships which inevitably come with the territory.

I have VERY strongly considered the possibility of a surrogate and/or adoption. However, as more and more time passes, I consider it less and less because I believe there comes a point when no matter what you have to offer, too much age between parent and child becomes an injustice to you both.

So I reckon I'll settle for being a swell grampaw someday, if my son has children.
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