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Dude, sorry to tell you but you got the creep factor going on by talking to her like she is in jr. high school. At 19 years old she needs to discover what all this thing called an orgasism is, needs to know how this man hard on thing works, and in general figure out what being a woman and sexual human is all about. Its raw but its real. The longer she delays that experience, the more socially stunted she will be. Frankly, it shocks me how exposed high school kids are to sex and porn, and I'm not saying she needs to go sex crazy, but at 19 she should not by blushing around guys her age, and shaking when she is close to a real man. She needs to focus on experiencing an adult romantic and physical relationship. She needs a boyfriend.
I think she shouldn't live up to yours or anyone else's expectations and just be herself - things will come in time, you don't need an orgasm to be a woman. Jesus. And if she chooses for now, or doesn't choose, to find or not find out about the "man hard on thing", I'd bet she'll be okay. Blushing is a physiological response to being uncomfortable or shy - so I gave her some constructive ideas rather than humping to help take the fear factor off the table.
I resent the creep factor remark - uncalled for - and by the way, a DUDE I am not. Maybe that's why I answered with some sensitivity rather than from some blood rushing to my head.
I just had a bad day and I need someone to talk about it. I'm shy to talk about this to my mum or friends so I ended up here. If you read my previous thread, I think you can learn about how weird I am
This morning, a classmate wrote me that he loves me. I felt really suprised about it but I must admit the way he did it was quite romantic! I think I'll be able to deal with it : I'll try to tell him in a gentle way that I don't feel the same. He isn't my type of guy and I don't really feel flattered about this and that was the first thing to make me feel bad today...
The second thing is that I realized how hard it is for me to make friends. I'm the uncoolest person in the school : I have good grades, I can't make jokes, I don't get drunk at parties... I have three really good friends here but all my best friends stayed in France (I'm studying abroad). I felt bad today because I realized at lunch how I try to get in the conversation and how annoying it seems to be for them.
The third thing is that I am way too shy! But I can't help it. I'm currently in an engineering school and one thing about this school is that older students help younger ones during exercices class. So I'm daily confronted to talking to older students (mostly boys) and asking them for help... I don't really care about blushing all the time because I know I can't do anything about it. I've never stopped feeling stupid about it when it happens but I get used to it. The thing is that today I even started to shake. Today the guy who teaches us (he's our "tutor" for this semester) asked me to hold a ruler while he was pushing on it and you could see that I was shaking a little (I guess he saw that). I don't need to mention how bad I felt.
So I felt bad today because I realized how unpopular I am, how nice guys never get attracted to me, how stupid I become each time I talk to boys I appreciate, how unhappy I feel all the time. The shaking today really killed me. I don't know how to behave next week. And the fact that I always think so much about what I say and what people think of me doesn't help. Some adults I now (mostly from outside activities) and the psychologist I went to last year often compliment me but my daily life never makes me feel like I'm a worthy person...
Can you give me some advice? Or am I helpless ? I'm open to hear everything. Thanks a lot in advance!
I totally understand. Been there. But here is the advice I have to give you. Life is a daring proposition or nothing at all. Shyness is not a disease, but a state of mind. It doesn't mean you have to abandon natural reticence, but when it interferes in your ability to make friends, find love and generally adore your life it becomes a major problem. The world isn't going to wait on you to build your self-esteem. Instead, confidence is learned, not earned.
Here's the next thing to realize. You're in high school, right? It's not a great place for you to be an individual. The herd mentality tends to prevail, while people who are different are marginalized. So don't feel bad about yourself, for you strike me as a woman with extraordinary gifts. The world just isn't ready to see them and, what's more, you have to be ready to be proud of them as well.
College will be better. Much better. Most of the cliques will vanish into thin air and you will have many more opportunities to hang with like-minded people.
So just take care of yourself, respect yourself, bide your time, and cultivate your inner strength. Pretty soon, the world will indeed take notice.
You're young, go to an engineering school, get good grades and do extra curricular activities like dancing and swimming.
I fail to see how you are worthless.
That's what my mum and my psycologist said... but I think they don't realize that everyone around me do have good grades and do have extra activities. We are equal in academic fields but I'm socially inferior. When I talk about this, people think there's no big deal but for me there is because it's spoiling my daily life !
That's what my mum and my psycologist said... but I think they don't realize that everyone around me do have good grades and do have extra activities. We are equal in academic fields but I'm socially inferior. When I talk about this, people think there's no big deal but for me there is because it's spoiling my daily life !
Well, then you need to do something about it, because it will impair you in life otherwise.
The best course I ever took in my academic life? Public Speaking. Did wonders for my confidence and my ability to engage people. Try something like that.
I resent the creep factor remark - uncalled for - and by the way, a DUDE I am not. Maybe that's why I answered with some sensitivity rather than from some blood rushing to my head.
Sorry Sam, my bad. Maybe that is why I found it creepy because I thought you were a guy trying to give girlfriend support. You gotta admit if you thought a guy wrote your comments your creep-o-meter would be hitting DEFCON Level 4 --"all hands on deck, man your stations, this is not a drill, the enemy has penetrated our battlespace, this is creep alert, repeat creep alert". haha
That's what my mum and my psycologist said... but I think they don't realize that everyone around me do have good grades and do have extra activities. We are equal in academic fields but I'm socially inferior. When I talk about this, people think there's no big deal but for me there is because it's spoiling my daily life !
I'm sure they do realize it. Those people are also not worthless. Your being socially awkward certainly does not make you worthless or of any less worth than your peers. Most people do not think that it's a big deal, myself included.
If you feel that it's spoiling your life, you should really try to take their advice and try to make changes that will bring happiness into your life.
Sorry Sam, my bad. Maybe that is why I found it creepy because I thought you were a guy trying to give girlfriend support. You gotta admit if you thought a guy wrote your comments your creep-o-meter would be hitting DEFCON Level 4 --"all hands on deck, man your stations, this is not a drill, the enemy has penetrated our battlespace, this is creep alert, repeat creep alert". haha
Your skewed image of what it is to be a man is showing itself in every thread I come across..
Some compassion and uplifting advice is welcome from anyone, not just women.
I just had a bad day and I need someone to talk about it. I'm shy to talk about this to my mum or friends so I ended up here. If you read my previous thread, I think you can learn about how weird I am
This morning, a classmate wrote me that he loves me. I felt really suprised about it but I must admit the way he did it was quite romantic! I think I'll be able to deal with it : I'll try to tell him in a gentle way that I don't feel the same. He isn't my type of guy and I don't really feel flattered about this and that was the first thing to make me feel bad today...
The second thing is that I realized how hard it is for me to make friends. I'm the uncoolest person in the school : I have good grades, I can't make jokes, I don't get drunk at parties... I have three really good friends here but all my best friends stayed in France (I'm studying abroad). I felt bad today because I realized at lunch how I try to get in the conversation and how annoying it seems to be for them.
The third thing is that I am way too shy! But I can't help it. I'm currently in an engineering school and one thing about this school is that older students help younger ones during exercices class. So I'm daily confronted to talking to older students (mostly boys) and asking them for help... I don't really care about blushing all the time because I know I can't do anything about it. I've never stopped feeling stupid about it when it happens but I get used to it. The thing is that today I even started to shake. Today the guy who teaches us (he's our "tutor" for this semester) asked me to hold a ruler while he was pushing on it and you could see that I was shaking a little (I guess he saw that). I don't need to mention how bad I felt.
So I felt bad today because I realized how unpopular I am, how nice guys never get attracted to me, how stupid I become each time I talk to boys I appreciate, how unhappy I feel all the time. The shaking today really killed me. I don't know how to behave next week. And the fact that I always think so much about what I say and what people think of me doesn't help. Some adults I now (mostly from outside activities) and the psychologist I went to last year often compliment me but my daily life never makes me feel like I'm a worthy person...
Can you give me some advice? Or am I helpless ? I'm open to hear everything. Thanks a lot in advance!
To have friends you don't need to make great jokes or even be the life and laugh of the party. To have a friend you have to be a friend. Certainly you aren't the only one in college who feels alone.
Shyness isn't so bad, it can actually be a good thing but in time, you can get tired of shyness getting in your way and overcome part of it.
The problem of self-consciousness comes from being too focused on yourself. Too critical of yourself - and this is where you might need to learn to lighten up -- to laugh. Laugh at your fumbling and blushing and move on. It's part of learning to accept yourself. And move some of your focus from yourself to others. Think about how others around you might be feeling.
She seems like a really nice person and shyness is something that is just apart of some of us.
If you take action to try to get over it, you can and it is possible to.
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