if a man is interested , he will contact you (date, girls, calling)

[lovesthebass]

Originally Posted by bignutz

Here is my 2 cents. A woman should never offer of give a guy her number. A guy needs to take the initiative to ask for it. If he doesn't, there is a reason for it, including he is not interested having anything more than coffee shop encounters with you. Unless the guy is a social retard, no guy is too shy about asking for your number, it's too easy to do... "hey, give me you number and I'll text you the link/direction/etc."

There is one other related item you should be aware of. Some guys, including myself in certain situations, find it a turn off when they are no longer the pursuer, the one doing the chase. It's weird concept but sometimes it feels like it deprives us of playing that part of our role as a man. I know it's crazy and we should get over it, but it somehow affects libido and sexual desire. For example, I use to think it would be great to have a hot woman just come up to me at a bar and say, "lets go to your place and screw our brains out." Guess what, happened to me twice and it totally turned me off, no room for me to be the hunter, my tube snake wasn't interested in that boogie, and I didn't go through it. Go figure, and I may be different from others in that regard. Good Luck.

Okay, from what I gather here is that you have no social skills issues. Therefore you cannot comment on people who actually do because you have no idea what those people go through when doing simple things (as you say) like asking an attractive woman for their number.

Also, you are apparently still young and like to play games. When you get older, you get tired of stupid "chasing" games and just get to the point, which is actually much more desirable, imo. Pursuing has f***all to do with being a man and our role as such.

Originally Posted by bignutz

It's not a confidence issue, but I understand where you might think that is the case.

But let me put the scene together for you from a man's perspective: once you give me your number without me asking for it, you have now let me know that you want me to f_ck you, and any talk or thinking about dating you or being involved relationship with you will come later after I get laid... but it's highly unlikely now that I know you are a very forward woman and have no problem putting yourself out there when it comes to your sexual needs. If the sex doesn't happen soon, the guy will feel like you tricked him into dating you.

If there are any guys who think I'm over stating this, please post your thoughts.

Your viewpoint is pretty screwed up, man. If a woman is asking for your number or offering theirs, it's not different than if you are doing the same thing. Just because they are attracted to you and would like to get to know you doesn't mean they instantly want to participate in the bedroom olympics.

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by PrinieRN

I always wondered why the guys I seemed to really fall for never initiated contact first. I actually fell for one guy who flat out said he doesn't chase women, he waits for them to do the chasing. What does that say? Is it a sign of being really laidback or lazy? What's that about?

You know, if two people click and have chemistry together, than all this crap about pursuing really shouldn't matter. If people are so hell bent on following these rules such as who should pursue and what not, then it means that something isn't right and the person you are talking too isn't the right guy/girl for you. Things flow naturally when it's right.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by bignutz

Here is my 2 cents. A woman should never offer of give a guy her number. A guy needs to take the initiative to ask for it. If he doesn't, there is a reason for it, including he is not interested having anything more than coffee shop encounters with you. Unless the guy is a social retard, no guy is too shy about asking for your number, it's too easy to do... "hey, give me you number and I'll text you the link/direction/etc."

There is one other related item you should be aware of. Some guys, including myself in certain situations, find it a turn off when they are no longer the pursuer, the one doing the chase. It's weird concept but sometimes it feels like it deprives us of playing that part of our role as a man. I know it's crazy and we should get over it, but it somehow affects libido and sexual desire. For example, I use to think it would be great to have a hot woman just come up to me at a bar and say, "lets go to your place and screw our brains out." Guess what, happened to me twice and it totally turned me off, no room for me to be the hunter, my tube snake wasn't interested in that boogie, and I didn't go through it. Go figure, and I may be different from others in that regard. Good Luck.

So, you're not flattered, and it's not a turn-on to have women just give you their number? A lot of guys would be pretty excited. I'm not talking about the kind of invitation you got in a bar. I'm talking about handing out a number, for a future cup of coffee and a conversation together.

(Notice how he skips over the getting-to-know-each-other phase, and cuts right to the chase. This may be the way a few women think, but most move more slowly. There are safety issues involved, for one thing.)

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by bignutz

Yeah, right, let me know how that works out for you. And by the way, I know that women, including yourself, are still very affected about appearing, shall we say, loose. Sorry if it's too raw, and I even asked feedback to correct my perception, which I could be mistaken as not widely the case. Don't know till we hear from others.

What a *******.

You have no idea how I care about appearing. I have never heard anyone called loose in my lifetime except by old guys. Maybe its an age thing, or even a location thing, but you sound like a dinosaur pops.

I know what I am and what I am not, if you are so shallow you judge people based on whether or not they are giving out their numbers, then I have no interest in you. Shallow is even less attractive to some (including me) than promiscuity.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by bignutz

giving him your number when he doesn't ask for it. Your approach just went from a friendly talk to a booty call invite.

This depends on whether the guy is a low-life or a nice, respectable guy.

[JetJockey]

Originally Posted by bignutz

Not, it's not approaching and "talking to guy", it's giving him your number when he doesn't ask for it. Your approach just went from a friendly talk to a booty call invite.

So, as a woman I should just sit back and hope that he asks for my number?

I don't know what situations you're talking about, but when I've given my number to a man it's always been after we spent a while talking and I decided I would like to see him again, but was afraid we may not randomly run into each other around town.

Just because I want to continue a conversation and maybe see a man again doesn't mean I want him as a booty call

Now, if I'm drunk in a bar and stumble over to a guy I hardly know and forcibly give him my number (which I've NEVER done) then yeah, that might be construed as wanting sex.

[bignutz]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

What a *******.

You have no idea how I care about appearing. I have never heard anyone called loose in my lifetime except by old guys. Maybe its an age thing, or even a location thing, but you sound like a dinosaur pops.

I know what I am and what I am not, if you are so shallow you judge people based on whether or not they are giving out their numbers, then I have no interest in you. Shallow is even less attractive to some (including me) than promiscuity.

I'll take your heat if you just ask other guys if they think a woman who offers their number is seen as easy. I'm sorry if it upsets you and I know this is an emotionally charged topic, but wouldn't you rather know the truth about what most guys think before you do it again? Forget about me, I'm okay with you thinking I'm a loser and an a-hole, but please go ask you best guy friends that question and post a reply.

I think we serve this forum and readers better if we talk about the real relationship issues instead of wanting the rules to work differently.

Again, sorry if it offends you, but I think it is a harsh reality.

[Red On The Noodle]

I simplify things. I hand out a rule book. Makes it much easier. We can be on the same page.

[soliloquyenlightened]

Originally Posted by Ro2113

You know, if two people click and have chemistry together, than all this crap about pursuing really shouldn't matter. If people are so hell bent on following these rules such as who should pursue and what not, then it means that something isn't right and the person you are talking too isn't the right guy/girl for you. Things flow naturally when it's right.

I can agree with that. Definitely. *nods*

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by bignutz

I'll take your heat if you just ask other guys if they think a woman who offers their number is seen as easy.

By all means, start a thread on that question. Yes, we do want to know what guys think. I'm betting there are plenty of class acts out there who would not jump to inappropriate conclusions at such a gesture.