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if you wait for a girl to show interest, ur not gonna always get the type of girl u want.... think about it... hot girls or girls that are in high demand have men that hit on them or talk to them constantly. A girl isnt gonna to chase after a guy when she has multiple ones coming after her. You just need to play it cool and show ur different than the other men. I'm naturally a funny guy and am very down to earth. For me it works. For u it might be something different
Not necessarily so. The hot or high demand girls get tired of getting hit on, and it's often by ego-driven types. Some of those girls are looking for someone like you: funny and down to earth. They go looking for those. You've got a good thing going. Stick with it.
In the relationships I have had....the best ones were always when I just let the man do the "chase". I don't play silly, coy "games"....but if a man does not call me....he is not interested in me. That is fine. Same with on-line dating....you can "click" interested....and see if they respond....if not...you have your answer.
I beleive it's true too. If they aren't asking you then they clearly aren't interested in what you have to offer. They approaches the women they want and not the ones they don't.
if you wait for a girl to show interest, ur not gonna always get the type of girl u want.... think about it... hot girls or girls that are in high demand have men that hit on them or talk to them constantly. A girl isnt gonna to chase after a guy when she has multiple ones coming after her. You just need to play it cool and show ur different than the other men. I'm naturally a funny guy and am very down to earth. For me it works. For u it might be something different
Oddly enough, some here would begrudge a woman that.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Not necessarily so. The hot or high demand girls get tired of getting hit on, and it's often by ego-driven types. Some of those girls are looking for someone like you: funny and down to earth. They go looking for those. You've got a good thing going. Stick with it.
Perhaps, but if you're the whole package, chances are you will attract men who are the whole package, too. Sure, you'll get ego-driven jerky boys hitting on you, but you'll also have your choice of good men.
Not necessarily so. The hot or high demand girls get tired of getting hit on, and it's often by ego-driven types. Some of those girls are looking for someone like you: funny and down to earth. They go looking for those. You've got a good thing going. Stick with it.
i think it also may be an age thing, when a girl matures and sees that most of the guys that hit on her are tools, people that are genuinely good guys are the ones that get attention
Perhaps, but if you're the whole package, chances are you will attract men who are the whole package, too. Sure, you'll get ego-driven jerky boys hitting on you, but you'll also have your choice of good men.
And that's how the dating and mating is game designed to work, at least from my perspective, observation, and experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by howdydoody342
i think it also may be an age thing, when a girl matures and sees that most of the guys that hit on her are tools, people that are genuinely good guys are the ones that get attention
Not so much. Planning on "when a girl matures" to be attracted to "genuinely good guys" usually only works for women over 30 crowd when they are more committed to focusing on LTRs. And even then, "good guys" need to have the confidence to approach, ability to have an interesting conversation, and balls to carry the encounter to the next stage, such as asking for her phone number, email, fb whatever.
It seems that many who have posted here want the rules to flexible for their personal preferences and, of course, there is no universal rule for all. Flexibility is understandable and a universal rule could be much easier for all. But the reality is that we all end up with the best we can get, whether being approached, doing the approach, or no approach. If you want to step up higher in the food chain, you have to do the work and become the person that has earned and deserves to be in a relationship with a better quality mate. Not much more complicated than that.
And even then, "good guys" need to have the confidence to approach, ability to have an interesting conversation, and balls to carry the encounter to the next stage, such as asking for her phone number, email, fb whatever.
This is the crux of the matter. If he's interested, he can't contact you until/unless he actually manages to speak to you, and ask for contact info. Sometimes women need to help the guys out.
You've become jaded, and too soon IMHO. I know to many the dating and mating rituals are "just a game they don't want to play". Sadly, it is designed to separate alpha from beta males, and the varying degrees in between. But don't turn it into a situation where the woman has to have more balls than you to show any potential for romantic interest by approaching you first. Bad call, unless you are a rock star, actor, or other chick magnet. Getting rejected by women is part of becoming, and being, a man, it's our modern male right of passage, at least when it comes to finding a mate. Keep practicing, even with women you aren't interested in. It's about developing and polishing your ability to express and maintain an interest in a woman, doesn't matter if you plan on taking it to the next stage. What you are doing now is expecting attraction to happen naturally with you have cold and untested skills, which is unattractive to most women, I think, because women generally are attracted to a dominant (strong) male and a little rejection is something he should be able to handle.
By the way, when I was hitting the clubs big time a few years ago, me and my buds had a rule of approaching at least 3 totally unattractive women (big girls too) before we approached a hottie so that your chops and bullsh_t factors were well lubricated for the good ones. Funny thing is, sometimes the hot chick down the way tends to notice and finds that "I'm just here to meet people" attitude attractive. Yups, that's how its done.
I appreciate the advice, and it certainly seems sound to me, too. But I think I've gotten to the point where I don't even care enough to try. And I don't mean that in a depressed way. I mean, 99% of the time I'm perfectly fine being alone, at least romantically. It only becomes bothersome at those times when it feels like I'm the only one who's alone. But of course that's just a mental trick, because I know very well there are plenty of other people just as dateless as me (even if it's not common). And most of the time I'm fully aware of that and being alone doesn't bother me. Heck, I enjoy my alone time more often than not.
I also ask myself, if I did manage to finagle my way into a relationship, how would I handle that? The only two relationships I've been in were very short (two-three months each), and both ended disastrously, due to me, as usual, not "getting" the way other people's brains work. And they were both over 15 years ago (high school). So I've become so used to being alone and the idea of a relationship has grown so foreign to me that I'm not entirely sure I even want that now. So I can continue on like I have been, not constantly happy but content 99% of the time, or I can go to a lot of trouble, be rejected a lot, be made to feel inferior as a result, and after all that still probably be alone. The second option just doesn't seem worth the trouble to me.
1) if he IS interested in you, and
2) you have made it SUFFICIENTLY clear that you reciprocate this interest WITHOUT being obnoxious
He will call you.
That's important, I think. You can't expect a man to ask a woman out if she's shown no interest whatsoever. Unless he's the type who has zero fear of rejection and approaches women in enormous numbers (the "shotgun" approach). Even I asked out a girl when she actually showed some interest in me. Granted, it was fruitless, but that's beside the point.
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