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Old 05-04-2012, 12:24 PM
Status: "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Portland, OR
7,493 posts, read 3,263,558 times
Reputation: 3394

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
I've often noticed that the surest, most reliable and effective way to encourage someone to lose weight is to break up with them.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:26 PM
Status: "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Portland, OR
7,493 posts, read 3,263,558 times
Reputation: 3394
Quote:
Originally Posted by gallowsCalibrator View Post
Add in the the "I should start snorting cocaine" and "I should start smoking" quips only shows that it's about him. She ought to get slim or else if he has to deal with an overweight woman, then she should have to deal with something she doesn't like.
It just shows that I quit taking the majority of respondants seriously once they started to bash me. From there, I turned on the sarcasm. Pretty simple.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
7,691 posts, read 9,099,373 times
Reputation: 4404
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
It just shows that I quit taking the majority of respondants seriously once they started to bash me. From there, I turned on the sarcasm. Pretty simple.
Then maybe you should re-evaluate the concept of needing to change/mold your girlfriend to fit your standards.

It's one thing if she started off thin and then became heavier.
It's one thing to be genuinely concerned about her health.

It's another to start dating someone who doesn't meet your physical standards and then deciding that it is your job to "fix" her. Because if you can't see just how disgusting it is, then you really need to go find someone who is better suited for your physical "standards". Leave the wonderful person to someone who will actually appreciate her and treat her properly (up to and including helping her lose weight without being an emotional or psychologically damaging tool).
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:35 PM
 
Location: ON, Canada
5,099 posts, read 2,509,164 times
Reputation: 8584
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post
It just shows that I quit taking the majority of respondants seriously once they started to bash me. From there, I turned on the sarcasm. Pretty simple.
Sarcasm isn't easy to interpret online, so I'm not surprised this thread devolved the way it did.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:42 PM
 
5,074 posts, read 2,694,452 times
Reputation: 5309
Quote:
Originally Posted by gallowsCalibrator View Post
He started dating an overweight woman (Note: She was already overweight when they started dating). He has "standards" and his ideal is not an "overweight woman". He now wants to mold her into his ideal image.

That's bad.
I dont think its bad per se, because regardless of weight she was at when they met, I think its a great thing that he wants her to be healthier and be at a healthier weight. That goes for any relationship, and anyone that sees their SO struggling with weight, should do something about it. I just think OP is going about it in a wrong way.

Its not something that he should expect or force her to do, but rather something that he should help her with, through mitvation and support. Not trying to judge anyone here, but if you can only land overweight and/or desperate women, because you are immature and rude, then you cant expect to snap your fingers and mold them into a woman you wish you could get. Thats all.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
654 posts, read 365,819 times
Reputation: 703
It sounds like my problem. I wanted the filet mignon but ordered a t-bone. Now I'm wishing that my t-bone would morph into a filet mignon.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
7,691 posts, read 9,099,373 times
Reputation: 4404
Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
I dont think its bad per se, because regardless of weight she was at when they met, I think its a great thing that he wants her to be healthier and be at a healthier weight. That goes for any relationship, and anyone that sees their SO struggling with weight, should do something about it. I just think OP is going about it in a wrong way.

Its not something that he should expect or force her to do, but rather something that he should help her with, through mitvation and support. Not trying to judge anyone here, but if you can only land overweight and/or desperate women, because you are immature and rude, then you cant expect to snap your fingers and mold them into a woman you wish you could get. Thats all.
He's going about it the wrong way and (going by his first post) for the wrong reasons. The actual concept of wanting to help somebody you care about is a good thing.

Myself, I'm at a normal, healthy weight. My husband is overweight. For years, I said nothing about his weight because he does have some health issues. It wasn't until he slipped over the line into obesity that I spoke up. Through motivation and support, he's eating better, drinking almost no soda, hitting the gym with me, etc. One of the biggest boosts to his self-confidence in this was when I showed him that despite being unhealthy, he still had a lot more upper body strength than my other, who is also at a healthy weight.

Still working with him on jogging and endurance, but he's grown to love the gym, the feeling of exhaustion, and the results that he's seeing.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:51 PM
 
5,074 posts, read 2,694,452 times
Reputation: 5309
thats the thing. if you can only land a tbone, thats one thing. If you choose a tbone because you like many other things about it, but can still land a filet mignon - thats a whole different story. In the first case, more often than not, once tbone turns into filet mignon, it dissapears from your plate anyhow.
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Old 05-04-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Suburbs Of Memphis, TN
330 posts, read 242,010 times
Reputation: 353
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
This is a train wreck looking for a place to happen.

How do you "get" her to lose weight? You don't.

You can encourage her to be more active, by suggesting joint activities. You can even encourage her to work out, or change her diet, if she is interested and motivated to do so.

However, if you want her to make lifestyle changes which she does not have the motivation to make, there is nothing you can do.

To be blunt, it sounds like you want to change your girlfriend into who you think your ideal girlfriend is. Thats not going to work. You have to love and accept who she is. If you pressure her to change, it will only create resentment.

Many people are saying the same thing & I agree, IF you are doing it for the right reasons....do an activity together!! Long walks together give you one on one time to catch up about the day, talk out any issues, etc. If ya'll are competitve, join a softball team together or another sport...

As a woman I'm reminding you that weight is often a touchy subject for women in general...DO NOT TELL HER SHE IS OVERWEIGHT OR THAT SHE NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT- even if it is for the right reasons, leave that up to her doctor!!!! She has slowly gotten bigger, not all at once, so start being sweet and add her into your physical activities as a "way to spend more time together" Or walk to get some yogurt for desert.

Good Luck....
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Old 05-04-2012, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,428,538 times
Reputation: 2082
Quote:
Originally Posted by gallowsCalibrator View Post
Easy.

We have is his word that she's a wonderful girlfriend (as stated in another thread), but is overweight.

If she's wonderful, then she doesn't deserve to have somebody who wants to mold and change her to fit his image and/or standards.
Never read another thread. I just think it's really tough to assess when we are only getting one side of this story.
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