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If the OP is truly concerned for her health, then maybe him having the conversation with her is not the best idea. I say this because if she is truly as sedentary as he states then she really needs to be checked out by a doctor prior to doing anything that amounts to strenuous activity. If she doesn't, and she has something such as high blood pressure that hasn't been diagnosed and controlled she could actually have a stroke while exercising. So if she goes to the doctor to get checked out and the doctor finds something like that, he/she can have the "lose-weight-to-get-healthier" talk with her. This way, she is not left feeling hurt and angry thinking that her bf that accepted her in the beginning no longer accepts her now.
Fitness is a big part of my life, and I actually had a dilemma similar to this, though it wasn't with a girlfriend, but with a girl who liked me of whom I didn't have an attraction towards. I wondered if I could get her into a lifting program if I did go out with her, but I was (rightly) advised that I shouldn't try and mold her into something I wanted; that she is her own person.
The same principle applies here as well. Fitness is a personal choice. Your girlfriend has to make a commitment to fitness and be willing to stick to that commitment. Trying to "push" her into anything is a very bad idea, and it could at best make her resent you and at worst leave you.
Do you work out? Do you partake in fitness activities or recreational sports? If you want her to be more active, you also have to show that you want to as well. Play pickup games with her, go hiking, biking, swimming, jogging. I know some gyms have couples memberships, so look into that.
Bottom line: make sure she sees that you active and aren't being lazy. If you can find an activity that you both enjoy, a whole new lifestyle might emerge out of it. Never tell her that she needs to lose weight. Unless your partner is clinically obese and has a myriad of health problems, asking someone to lose weight is rarely a good idea. Incorporating a healthy lifestyle is much better and more productive.
So I was wondering what's the best way to approach this issue. Before anyone jumps on my case about how shallow I am, please note my standards of weight for women are the same standards I hold to myself. That standard is a question: "What would a doctor have to say about your weight?" While I think asking for bigger boobs, or for better legs, etc IS shallow, I don't feel like wanting a healthy and medically good weight (in proportion to height) in a partner is too much to ask, especially when the partner holds himself to the same standards.
What's your thoughts on this? I'm not asking her to become super model slim, I'm asking her to go from medically overweight, to medically normal. I don't think that's a shallow request.
Medically normal? This would start with height and weight would follow.
To be real honest? There have been some persons I thought were not overweight until they took a BMI..and found they were overweight and borderline obese.
This looks different for everyone..what looks obese on one person can seem looking good for another person at a glance..
So my question to you would be? What scale are you looking at? Yours or the MD? AND if it is an issue to you or the MD..
a SKINNY PERSON can have high cholesterol, diabetes, and so forth..
There are alot of things at risk here..
i did not read any of these comments beyond the OP, but i have to say that if YOU ask her to lose weight i hope to god she knocks the crap out of you. for your own safety and well being you should stop dating until such time as you grow up.
Wow, sorry you are getting this treatment, OP.
And do you know what else, I'm sorry everyone is supposed to tiptoe around the "feelings" of fat people. Were fat people considering anyone else's feelings when they were hoovering all the Halloween candy at work? When they stopped on the way home for a supersize of fries despite dinner waiting at home? Was anyone who became fat considering for one second the societal cost of their own personal choices?
And why is it considered some kind of crime to admit you are no longer attracted to someone who let herself turn into Tiny The Walrus? Did Tiny consider her spouse's feelings, or was her need for Dunkin Donuts too great?
Once spent some time at a military resort overseas. One couple there the husband had just returned from Iraq, and he was looking very fine. The wife? She weighed at least 350 lbs, and was shorter than me (5'4). She spent the entire 4 days they were camping sitting at the picnic table preparing and eating food. The husband wanted to hang out with my group and especially me. Clearly, here was a man in need. A very nice and gorgeous one at that, but I wasn't 'going there'.
However, I wanted to say to that soldier -- Sorry, dude. She cares more about what's in the fridge than what's in your pants. What a tragedy and a waste, and a dishonor to a fighting man.
Ultimately, here's the thing. Addiction to food, or any addiction, is ultimately a form of extreme selfishness. The addict just doesn't care as much about their effect on others as they do about their 'fix'.
And what about the societal cost of all these fat Americans? More resources consumed by fewer people. People dying younger and sicker, their aides in nursing homes unable to lift them. They need special wheelchairs (and those motorized things at Walmart). They need more medical care. They need more space, big chairs, extra room on airplanes (and more torque to lift them).
I just got this DM, mere seconds after posting my comment, and it is very interesting so I am putting it out there:
"The problem isn't being fat it's treating people like they're no longer humans because of it. Read your post, the proof is in the pudding."
The proof is not only in the pudding, but in the curly fries and funnel cake.
Take responsibility for your choices! Understand that eating like you are "no longer human" is going to turn you into something only partly human if your heart is replaced by pig parts (hmmm) and your diabetic feet get lopped off! Come on, I am not kidding. It is a very serious matter.
I won't be bullied by fat people any more. Y'all are killing my back as I lift you in and out of your wheelchairs at work. I didn't get fat, but I am paying the price for your party.
So I was wondering what's the best way to approach this issue. Before anyone jumps on my case about how shallow I am, please note my standards of weight for women are the same standards I hold to myself. That standard is a question: "What would a doctor have to say about your weight?" While I think asking for bigger boobs, or for better legs, etc IS shallow, I don't feel like wanting a healthy and medically good weight (in proportion to height) in a partner is too much to ask, especially when the partner holds himself to the same standards.
What's your thoughts on this? I'm not asking her to become super model slim, I'm asking her to go from medically overweight, to medically normal. I don't think that's a shallow request.
Wow....who are you to insist ANYONE hold their weight to your standards let alone a woman who you claim to care about? Come on! Let me tell you right off the GIT that I at one time hit 304 lbs and I am 5'3" tall. My husband and I would talk about my unhealthy state all the time...and he would tell me that he loved me and was concerned about my weight causing health issues. He adored me no matter what I looked like but also wanted me around longer. What I am saying is don't "Hold Her to a Standard"...that sounds so clinical. Try telling her how much you love her and how worried you are about her health, if in fact that is the truth. Offer to go on a specific plan with her and you eat healthy too, you walk or exercise TOO.
Often times when a person gets morbidly obese, they don't see themselves that way no matter what the mirror tells them or the scale says it just doesn't sink in. No amount of ridicule, pushing or nagging is going to work unless you approach that person in a way that proves you would love them no matter what they are going thru.
Did I lose weight? You betcha and so did my husband as he worked right along with me and continues to work on it. I have lost 85 lbs so far and plan to lose yet 85 more..oh, by the way..I am 64 years old and have survived open heart surgery for an aneurysm about 3 years ago and also quit smoking 5 years ago, all of the above with love and encouragement from my husband.
DUMP her. By getting fat she's showing a blatant lack of respect for both herself and you.
Wait a second...dump her? Now that's mature. This guy apparently cares a lot about his girlfriend and her weight dilema so he should dump her because she is showing a lack of respect for herself and for him?? This is sooooo not true. How do I know?? Well, I have been overweight most of my life; a true battle with the present battle I am fighting being one from coming down fronm 304 lbs at 5'3" tall, along with quitting smoking at the same time oh, and having to have open heart surgery for an aneurysm. My husband works with me on my diet, i.e., we eat the same foods and we both workout. He has made a gym in our basement for both of us to use. Respect?? I know lots of people who have self respect and are LARGE.
Her weight loss is not going to have much to do with gaining self respect. It will be more about getting healthy if he handles this situation correctly and if he loves her leaving her isn't going to get her to lose weight any faster. If she is an emotional eater, then she could end up in the middle of a feeding frenzy because she is upset.
My advice to you...try looking beyond an obese person's outward appearance and consider perhaps helping a friend who is in need of a weight loss or exercise buddy. Might help you get rid of that shallow streak. Oh...forgot....I have lost 85 lbs and plan on losing another 85.
Wow, sorry you are getting this treatment, OP.
And do you know what else, I'm sorry everyone is supposed to tiptoe around the "feelings" of fat people. Were fat people considering anyone else's feelings when they were hoovering all the Halloween candy at work? When they stopped on the way home for a supersize of fries despite dinner waiting at home? Was anyone who became fat considering for one second the societal cost of their own personal choices?
And why is it considered some kind of crime to admit you are no longer attracted to someone who let herself turn into Tiny The Walrus? Did Tiny consider her spouse's feelings, or was her need for Dunkin Donuts too great?
Once spent some time at a military resort overseas. One couple there the husband had just returned from Iraq, and he was looking very fine. The wife? She weighed at least 350 lbs, and was shorter than me (5'4). She spent the entire 4 days they were camping sitting at the picnic table preparing and eating food. The husband wanted to hang out with my group and especially me. Clearly, here was a man in need. A very nice and gorgeous one at that, but I wasn't 'going there'.
However, I wanted to say to that soldier -- Sorry, dude. She cares more about what's in the fridge than what's in your pants. What a tragedy and a waste, and a dishonor to a fighting man.
Ultimately, here's the thing. Addiction to food, or any addiction, is ultimately a form of extreme selfishness. The addict just doesn't care as much about their effect on others as they do about their 'fix'.
And what about the societal cost of all these fat Americans? More resources consumed by fewer people. People dying younger and sicker, their aides in nursing homes unable to lift them. They need special wheelchairs (and those motorized things at Walmart). They need more medical care. They need more space, big chairs, extra room on airplanes (and more torque to lift them).
(/rant)
Ahhh, yet another "mature" opinion on being obese from someone who probably still shops in the kiddy section of the department stores from being anorexic. That "obese" woman who waited for her man to get home from Iraq was probably a nervous wreck the whole time he was gone and worried constantly thus turned to food for comfort. Who in the heck are you to judge how she looks and why In the world would you think that her weight is an insult to a soldier? Does that make her look worse in your eyes and are you trying to demean her to others by using one of our soldiers as her "whipping post". ? What kind of delusion are you under saying that this soldier gravitated towards YOU instead of his wife who was getting food at another table? You have no idea what they have gone through nor what they talked about when he got home. Perhaps he knew she was gaining weight, perhaps she has just had his child, perhaps you need to mind your own business where this is concerned.
You are correct, there is a lot of obesity in the United States now but cruelty is not the way to get folks to trim down. There are all sorts of great programs out there now Weight Watchers being one of them..I am a member and have lost 85 lbs.
It is so easy to sit along the sidelines and judge someone who is heavy without knowing the reason. "She has to be a pig", "She has to eat a lot" or "What a glutton, he should leave her"....not having walked in a fat person's shoes how can you judge. Why don't you try to be a part of the solution instead of being a sideline cheerleader for the skinny team? Help a friend who is overweight and perhaps that friend will someday help someone else and who knows by bringing the help forward our obesity issue might be solved. In the meantimne don't be so judgemental until you know the whole truth of it.
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, please note my standards of weight for women are the same standards I hold to myself. That standard is a question: "What would a doctor have to say about your weight?" While I think asking for bigger boobs, or for better legs, etc IS shallow, I don't feel like wanting a healthy and medically good weight (in proportion to height) in a partner is too much to ask, especially when the partner holds himself to the same standards.
