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Old 05-06-2012, 06:30 AM
 
Location: The State Line
1,714 posts, read 1,505,114 times
Reputation: 1835
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11thHour View Post
Yep. You will need all the luck in the world. The stars will need to align. No matter how you approach it, she will percieve you as a bastard for even noticing. I've been there. I tried leading by example. Im active and hike and mountain climb, both of which are excellent aerobic activities. Offered to bring her along on easy hikes. No go. Still too much work. I tried to teach her how to eat better and once again lead by example. Nope. That was insulting to her as it implied she was fat. So then I offer to go to the gym with her. Nope. She said I was once again calling her fat. I never did so and was very positive so as to not hurt her feelings.

In the end no matter what I tried, no matter how I tried to support her or keep it positive, she had an excuse and was pissed I thought she needed to lose weight at all. Once she gained the weight we were doomed. I couldn't acknowledge it at all. But I am fit and work hard for it. I expect the same of them. According to her, being fat was something I was just going to have to get used to. Wrong.
Was she overweight when you met her?
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Old 05-06-2012, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Asheville, Nc
3,807 posts, read 2,357,408 times
Reputation: 2529
Quote:
Originally Posted by LexWest View Post
Was she overweight when you met her?


Good question. IF she was then she has come to believe that he loves & accepts her just the way she is
He is either going to have to keep accepting her the way she is or break up with her either way this isn't going to end very well for her or him but mostly her. She was led to believe that he loves her for her just the way she is when he met her, and now he has changed his mind about the way she looks.
This is going to be ugly no matter how this goes. I don't believe in lying to people but if he tells her that he's breaking up with her because of her weight then this poor women is going to be left with some serious scars. I think he should find another reason to break it off with her. Lying goes against what I believe there is no honor in it, yet to save this women from having some serious issues I believe it needs to be done.
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Old 05-06-2012, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Texas
28,114 posts, read 23,035,285 times
Reputation: 33627
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTHokieFan View Post

What's your thoughts on this? I'm not asking her to become super model slim, I'm asking her to go from medically overweight, to medically normal. I don't think that's a shallow request.
What is this about?
Why does she need to be thin for you?
Is it an attractiveness thing?
Or are you truly concerned about her health?
I don't think it's fair to say he can't talk to her honestly about his concerns for her health. I unfairly suspect that it's not this, though.

This is a tough one. I mean, the point of a strong relationship is the ability to be honest and talk about anything.
I mean, how crappy would it be if she would have lost the weight if she knew how much it bothered him? And he dumps her instead without giving her a chance?
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Old 05-06-2012, 07:56 AM
 
1,253 posts, read 933,864 times
Reputation: 2467
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Good question. IF she was then she has come to believe that he loves & accepts her just the way she is
He is either going to have to keep accepting her the way she is or break up with her either way this isn't going to end very well for her or him but mostly her. She was led to believe that he loves her for her just the way she is when he met her, and now he has changed his mind about the way she looks.
This is going to be ugly no matter how this goes. I don't believe in lying to people but if he tells her that he's breaking up with her because of her weight then this poor women is going to be left with some serious scars. I think he should find another reason to break it off with her. Lying goes against what I believe there is no honor in it, yet to save this women from having some serious issues I believe it needs to be done.
I'm not buyin' the "poor woman left with some serious scars" thing.

What about HIS scars? His feelings are not important? She's the one who gained the weight, right?

Look, it's the height of arrogance to pork up and not care about the effect on loved ones -- spouses, children, etc. It's just uncaring to say "well, I'm fat, like it or lump it." You're gonna have that Ben & Jerry's and you just don't care.

(it is also arrogant to expect society at large to bear the burden of all the fat people around, but that subject has been ignored)

The message the fat and sedentary girlfriend is sending is clear. Her needs are more important than his. What about being the best you can be not only for yourself but for the one you love?


How much that hurts to know the person you want to be with doesn't care that much about you!
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
12,991 posts, read 10,316,058 times
Reputation: 19936
Quote:
She's the one who gained the weight, right?
If you read the OP, the girlfriend didn't gain the weight, she was fat when they met. Now he's decided that she's not good enough and wants to change her to suit his needs. They're not married, so she doesn't really have any obligation to do what he want, and he's free to move on to someone he's actually attracted to.

THe shared activity idea is great, but does the OP have the patience to deal with the idea that his GF probaby isn't going to be able to hike or run as fast and as far as he could, or she might be terrible at tennis and get frustrated and want to quit? She may be very willing to make some changes, but it's not going to be immediate.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-06-2012 at 08:30 AM..
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:23 AM
 
5,074 posts, read 2,591,262 times
Reputation: 5309
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration View Post


How much that hurts to know the person you want to be with doesn't care that much about you!
I think it hurts more to know the person you want to be with doesnt care about themselves, but wth do i know. Its all about the context in this situation.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,400 posts, read 7,658,948 times
Reputation: 6063
imokay seems like the kind of guy who walks past smokers on the street and coughs loudly in an exaggerated manner


Bill Hicks - non smokers - YouTube
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Asheville, Nc
3,807 posts, read 2,357,408 times
Reputation: 2529
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration View Post
I'm not buyin' the "poor woman left with some serious scars" thing.

What about HIS scars? His feelings are not important? She's the one who gained the weight, right?

Look, it's the height of arrogance to pork up and not care about the effect on loved ones -- spouses, children, etc. It's just uncaring to say "well, I'm fat, like it or lump it." You're gonna have that Ben & Jerry's and you just don't care.

(it is also arrogant to expect society at large to bear the burden of all the fat people around, but that subject has been ignored)

The message the fat and sedentary girlfriend is sending is clear. Her needs are more important than his. What about being the best you can be not only for yourself but for the one you love?


How much that hurts to know the person you want to be with doesn't care that much about you!

It's about both of them honestly. If she was heavy when he met her then he knew what he was getting into with someone who was heavy. Same thing if she was too skinny or blond, redhead, etc. You accept people for what & who they are you don't try & change them to suit your needs. I had a good friend once who tried to change someone it bit him in the arse. If he truly loves her then she shouldn't have to change for him or anyone else. Sounds like you got issues with people who are overweight.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:36 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,599,452 times
Reputation: 21543
Quote:
Originally Posted by imokay View Post
I'm not the one who needs professional help. It's the increasing number of overweight people who need help. People are becoming fatter and fatter. This is not something that cannot be prevented, it's a simple case of laziness and lack of self control. Healthcare costs are going up, people are getting dumber (read my other response below), and fat people are certainly not a pretty sight. It's so bad it's almost criminal.



It's not only obesity, it's being overweight as well. People have realized that alcoholism is bad and have pushed the government to do something to fight it. What's being done about overeating? Where's the fast food taxes? Where's the subsidies for healthy food?

Studies have shown that obesity causes a decrease in intelligence. Other studies have shown that children born to obese parents have a higher risk of autism and lower iq. People's laziness has reached the point where it's making everyone dumber.


Fast food can cause addiction, that is true. But most people are overweight because because they don't want to replace that big fat steak for chicken breast and salad. It's because they'd rather sit home and watch stupid people doing stupid things on TV than going out for a walk. Or because they're too lazy to make a sandwich before going to work and would rather buy a pizza or hotdog.
It's all about lack of will and laziness.
I think overweight people SHOULD lose weight - I'm not saying they shouldn't -- I think it's a mistake for someone to think a romantic/sexual relationship gives them any control over the other and that he can expect to be told there is a way to remold this woman into the woman he really wants.

I'm saying her motivation to lose weight has to be her own and that he could make things worse. There are no magic words to tell her that are going to make her lose weight. Probably she does want to lose weight, she probably tells herself over and over she's going to lose weight, his additional voice isn't going to be of any use.

My sister faces this issue, her husband has gained considerable weight and it is where it can affect his health. He once went on the Adkins diet and became skeletal, unhealthy looking, but eventually it all came back and more. He's actually pretty active, it's not really a matter of her trying to push him off the couch and get him doing something.

He's a great guy but when it comes to food he'll even lie to her. She tells him he can't eat out any more when he's at work, he'll say he doesn't but she finds the evidence of food wrappers in his car that show he does. She can serve all the salads without dressings at home but nothing prevents him from getting food himself.

She's not going to divorce him over this issue, but she also realizes that there isn't really a thing she can do about it. She can encourage, she can support him when he tries a new diet, she can have nothing but healthy food choices in the home and in meals - but that's about it. And he doesn't lay around all day, he works and is active, not in triathalons, but you also cannot force people to run races if they don't want to run them.

They are in a committed relationship - a marriage and they promised each other for better and worse. The OP is not - he can easily move on. He only needs to decide if it's a deal breaker and if so he needs to end it.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:44 AM
 
218 posts, read 213,031 times
Reputation: 305
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Well what would you like to see happen, do you honestly believe fat people are going to change just because some nut job on the internet hates them?
Who says my intention was to change fat people? I was just stating facts, I wasn't trying to convince anyone.
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