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Old 05-05-2012, 11:17 PM
 
8 posts, read 10,880 times
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Hello, I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 months. Initially, she was very into kissing and we went as far as oral sex. We moved pretty rapidly for the amount of time we have been dating. The issue is is that she has been ready to have intercourse. Intercourse is something I do not take lightly and want to wait on. We have talked about this multiple times. However, now she says she is self-conscious and has not been into kissing and everything else that we have done. She says it has nothing to do with me, and she respects my belief to wait on sex, and that it is something that she needs to work on in her head. Does anyone have any advice? I know it is something that I have to let her work on herself. At the same time, I do think that intimacy is an important part in the relationship and that this can be problematic if this continues on for a while.
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:24 PM
 
Location: Atlantis
3,019 posts, read 3,050,898 times
Reputation: 8776
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdawg23 View Post
The issue is is that she has been ready to have intercourse. Intercourse is something I do not take lightly and want to wait on

Great. If she likes you as a person and wants to keep you around as a "boyfriend" then she will be ok with that and will wait for you to be ready since intercourse is something you do not take lighty and want to wait for.

Then, on the side, she will have a guy lined up that is not boyfriend material but who will be getting her off harder, longer and better than she ever has and she will keep that part of her life separate from you.

And it will enable you to live in a co-conspiratorial and delusional fantasy based world where you have convinced yourself that you are so special that she will also want to wait - all while getting drilled by some guy that does take intercourse lightly and wants to rock her world.

Guys like you are like a dying star. A white dwarf heading for a black hole - it's physics and inevitable. You have been handed an incredible opportunity here. The universe is talking to you. All you need to do is listen. This is where things get fun. She wants to F - and all you have to do is bang her. No more firing off rounds by yourself. Playaaaaa. . . . .

So spend the next few minutes getting rid of what is left of any morals or ethical restraints you have that could prevent you from having sex with her and get with the program.

Last edited by Skydive Outlaw; 05-05-2012 at 11:37 PM..
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 24,707,645 times
Reputation: 16432
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw View Post
Great. If she likes you as a person and wants to keep you around as a "boyfriend" then she will be ok with that and will wait for you to be ready since intercourse is something you do not take lighty and want to wait for.

Then, on the side, she will have a guy lined up that is not boyfriend material but who will be getting her off harder, longer and better than she ever has and she will keep that part of her life separate from you.

And it will enable you to live in a co-conspiratorial and delusional fantasy based world where you have convinced yourself that you are so special that she will also want to wait - all while getting drilled by some guy that does take intercourse lightly and wants to rock her world.

Or you can spend the next few minutes getting rid of what is left of any morals or ethical restraints you have that could prevent you from having sex with her and get with the program.
Idk, I don't think a person has to drop any morals that they have. I do however think that you're right here, and if they aren't on the same wavelength, what you said will pretty much be inevitable.

A person should live life by their own rules, and if the other person can't respect that.. well that is their loss. There is give and take but you still always have to do what's best for yourself.
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:32 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,392,460 times
Reputation: 7491
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdawg23 View Post
Hello, I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 months. Initially, she was very into kissing and we went as far as oral sex. We moved pretty rapidly for the amount of time we have been dating. The issue is is that she has been ready to have intercourse. Intercourse is something I do not take lightly and want to wait on. We have talked about this multiple times. However, now she says she is self-conscious and has not been into kissing and everything else that we have done. She says it has nothing to do with me, and she respects my belief to wait on sex, and that it is something that she needs to work on in her head. Does anyone have any advice? I know it is something that I have to let her work on herself. At the same time, I do think that intimacy is an important part in the relationship and that this can be problematic if this continues on for a while.

Do what you want to do, but mostly people will tell you to abandon any belief you have about waiting for sex because they can't fathom anyone wanting to do this, since they wouldn't.
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:54 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
70,298 posts, read 61,377,330 times
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It sounds like what you're saying is you don't want to have sex until you feel like the person you're with is serious relationship material. If you have doubts that this woman would fit the bill, then you're right not to have sex. Sex tends to create emotional attachment, which means that when the break-up comes (because of whatever personality issues, or not a good match in other ways), there will be drama. By avoiding sex with someone who isn't a good match for you, you'll be avoiding emotional pain and drama. So if that's the way you want to play it, that's your choice. Some would say it's a mature, wise choice. Others will tell you you're a chump. You're the one who has to live with you, and the consequences of your actions. Choose accordingly.
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Old 05-06-2012, 05:54 AM
 
4,555 posts, read 5,988,080 times
Reputation: 5167
In simple terms... You _____ up. LOL.. If you both had oral sex, you have sex.. that's kind of like a frined of mine who used to tell married women "It aint ceatin if it's only eatin"....I hope you learned something.. When it comes to sex it's best to say as least as possible because at any moment we as men can say something that can kill a mood or just plain c-block...LOL.. AAAAAAHHHH LMAO..
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Old 05-06-2012, 07:48 AM
 
12,514 posts, read 15,593,228 times
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If I were her I'd think, 'if he doesn't like me enough to have intercourse with me, then why are we having oral sex?', and I'd stop doing that too. I wouldn't stop kissing though so I don't understand why she stopped doing that. I'm thinking she feels hurt in a rejected sort of way but still respects your decisions. She may get over it eventually.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
When it comes to sex it's best to say as least as possible because at any moment we as men can say something that can kill a mood or just plain c-block...LOL.. AAAAAAHHHH LMAO..
This is a good rule for most men ALL THE TIME except for when asking a woman out. Seriously. LOL

Last edited by srjth; 05-06-2012 at 08:07 AM..
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:09 AM
 
460 posts, read 538,705 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdawg23 View Post
Hello, I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 months. Initially, she was very into kissing and we went as far as oral sex. We moved pretty rapidly for the amount of time we have been dating. The issue is is that she has been ready to have intercourse. Intercourse is something I do not take lightly and want to wait on. We have talked about this multiple times. However, now she says she is self-conscious and has not been into kissing and everything else that we have done. She says it has nothing to do with me, and she respects my belief to wait on sex, and that it is something that she needs to work on in her head. Does anyone have any advice? I know it is something that I have to let her work on herself. At the same time, I do think that intimacy is an important part in the relationship and that this can be problematic if this continues on for a while.
While I do think oral sex is sex. I don't think it's stupid to hold off on intercourse. Intercourse makes babies while oral sex does not (though does spread disease pretty well). Don't have sex with people unless you're ready for a child. That's the easiest way to prevent becoming stuck to an undesirable person for at least 18 years.

Find someone who feels similarly to you. I think this relationship is already dead in the water to be honest. She's pulling away from you. She has sized you up as a freak (which you're not!). My boyfriend and I had the same type of arrangement for 3 years until we were close to graduating college. We were terrified of pregnancy and not disease (no other prior partners). It was a mutual decision and worked for us. Good luck finding someone who is in the same frame of mind as you.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:38 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,435 posts, read 28,056,824 times
Reputation: 19566
She may feel bad about herself.... She may have been made to feel she was good enough for oral sex whenever it suited you but that she is not good enough for the rest. She may be feeling like she thought she meant more to you and wished she had not done what she already has.

I think it's good to hold off because you don't take intercourse lightly. Could be that you shouldn't take the whole lot of it lightly....
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:42 AM
 
12,514 posts, read 15,593,228 times
Reputation: 9624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
She may feel bad about herself.... She may have been made to feel she was good enough for oral sex whenever it suited you but that she is not good enough for the rest. She may be feeling like she thought she meant more to you and wished she had not done what she already has.

I think it's good to hold off because you don't take intercourse lightly. Could be that you shouldn't take the whole lot of it lightly....
Yes.
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