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Old 05-09-2012, 10:12 PM
 
178 posts, read 176,793 times
Reputation: 271
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
I also have no children. My ex bf and I broke up about 2 years ago first time. I didn't know any better and began having sex with him outside of relationship 2 months later. That was degrading , and I stopped seeing him , just a few texts , always him initiating for following 3 mos. We got backtogether and he dumped me again 2 mos later. This time apart officially 5 mos. But we did see e/o about once everu 3 weeks , usually my idea , no sex. He recommitted and seemed to be happy with me. But he had an old female roommate who kept coming to town and bringing another woman to stay at the house. One day about 5 am , the roommates friend drunk , came to our bedroom. I had a fit.I have a bad temper. They said I was crazy , the girl had a fiancee , she didn't mean anything by it ,etc. After my tantrum , he said we were going nowhere. He acted like a total jerk and we broke up again. We start seeing e/o again and he wants sex. I am not ready , but willing to recommit. He says he's not ready for that. We talk about doing dinner with the family for his birthday , but he doesn't contact , I left it to him and about a week later , my sister says she saw on Facebook he has a girlfriend. He wouldn't put me back on after 1st break up 2 years ago. Guess who girlfriend ? The drunk who had a fiancee. Faithful? Responsible? She hasn't had a paying job in a year and was living out of state with fiancee before , apparently she left. I suspect she lives with my ex & drives his car. The things I wanted , he gave her.
This is going to be difficult to hear, but you need to hear it so that you know what you did wrong from a guys perspective: He was involved with you until someone better came along, at least in his opinion. The more you accommodated his sex requests, bad behavior, and lack of committed, the more he treated you like a carpet until he reached his destination.

Next time, know when to let go, and that point is always when you see the other person does not respect you, which includes your dreams, desires, and needs.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Colorado
2,531 posts, read 1,673,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
I am a 39 yo divorced woman. I do wish to remarry.
Why do you want remarry? I am married and if it ever failed I would never remarry. I would love to have a companion but not marriage.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:18 PM
 
900 posts, read 837,990 times
Reputation: 471
Quote:
Originally Posted by bignutz View Post
This is going to be difficult to hear, but you need to hear it so that you know what you did wrong from a guys perspective: He was involved with you until someone better came along, at least in his opinion. The more you accommodated his sex requests, bad behavior, and lack of committed, the more he treated you like a carpet until he reached his destination.

Next time, know when to let go, and that point is always when you see the other person does not respect you, which includes your dreams, desires, and needs.
Yes , at least I saw that clear as soon as I saw who girlfriend was. Do you think they will last?
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:21 PM
 
900 posts, read 837,990 times
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Originally Posted by Timmyy View Post
Why do you want remarry? I am married and if it ever failed I would never remarry. I would love to have a companion but not marriage.
Because I feel secure married. If he ( who ever) loves me , he will probably be willing to marry me.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:24 PM
 
178 posts, read 176,793 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
Yes , at least I saw that clear ad soon as I saw who girlfriend was. Do you think they will last?
Probably not, but why should do you care? You should be happy that his dogging some other woman, and no longer dogging you.

P.S.: I once heard the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one. Maybe worth trying just to see if it kills you longing for him.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:34 PM
 
1,846 posts, read 1,407,377 times
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Directed towards the OP..

I think what you posted was very self defeating.
I mean I am all for taking a break if all one has had was bad experiences and stating to themselves that they were not GIVING up for good but just for right NOW.

I think there are many reasons that “We” cannot find that special someone.
1. We are not ready, meaning we may have just gotten out of a bad relationship. A lot of people think that if they have been single for half a year to 2 years this is a bad thing?
Being single is not always a bad thing.
Sometimes even though we do not know it ourselves getting over someone takes a lot longer than we anticipated. Even though we may feel that we are ready, we are not. We may still be inadvertently giving out vibes just by the things we tell others about our past that turns them off or sends them a red flag about us.

2. We have not found out what it is we are really looking for, therefore allowing to us to date people that may not be a good fit for us just for the sake of being attached. I.E., unrealistic expectations, unrealistic timeframes, over thinking, being to egocentric and so forth.
3. We have a “model” of what we feel we need instead of the reality we “want”
We set our goals to be unrealistic..I.E. there are only certain types that we feel we deserve, the way they look, dress, station in life instead of doing a real personal inventory.
Meaning you know what you have to give, what you can give of yourself, how you look, not the egocentric way you view yourself., where you re in life.

I.E. I have two friends both different sexes and different views of themselves.
I have a friend whom is a woman, 5’0, a little overweight, a very P/T job, meaning she works 4 days a week maybe 4 hours a day and works commish as a hair stylist. Lives with her mom and her b/f with her 2 kids. Has a car that breaks down every other week.
She has wondered why she cannot find a good man? Even though she has dated 2 very good men in the past but they were, 1. Over weight, shorter than what she expected, has a mobile home, drives an older car, has a blue collar job has 2 grown kids. He thought the world of her and accepted her for all her flaws but she 2 years later she is still holding out for the next best thing? Which means she sets herself up..
She goes after the guys that are 6’0 or taller, great job, a 6 pack, beautiful, work out all the time and have younger kids. She is very needy and want all the mans time?
She puts up pics on a dating website that do not depict her true self and she is honest right away about her situation and then gets hurt when they meet and they find out.
Hope this helps.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:35 PM
 
900 posts, read 837,990 times
Reputation: 471
Not longing for him. Hate , quickly moving towards indifference.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:43 PM
 
900 posts, read 837,990 times
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Dr74 , bignutz ,everyone , thank you for the responses. I do want someone I find attractive. I am the same weight , to the pound I was 20 years ago. I have a good job and own a home and car. Unbelievable he chose this over weight woman etc. over me. Part of my lesson in humility , I suppose. But I tried so hard. Too hard. Good sex life we had and I was his longest relationship , even at the one year mark. He used me for sex and ego boosting. I clearly see.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:43 PM
 
178 posts, read 176,793 times
Reputation: 271
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
Not longing for him. Hate , quickly moving towards indifference.
You miss the point. You gotta disconnect that emotional umbilical cord from him. Break it by getting involved with someone else, even it goes nowhere. Your indifference is not convincing considering you just asked if his new fling would last.
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Old 05-09-2012, 10:47 PM
 
900 posts, read 837,990 times
Reputation: 471
Quote:
Originally Posted by bignutz View Post
You miss the point. You gotta disconnect that emotional umbilical cord from him. Break it by getting involved with someone else, even it goes nowhere. Your indifference is not convincing considering you just asked if his new fling would last.
So go out on a few dates? I plan to , but I will just try to pass time. I really am sick of effort.
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